Convinced and the thrown away help!

Here is my story. I was recently dating a single mother and this was my first time ever dating one. I admit that I was going slow because she was recently divorced and I wanted us to take our time, however she insisted that " what was there to think about' we went to same schools together and grew up In the same neighborhood, and telling me to just take a leap of faith and trust it. I finally took on the challenge and started doing my research by learning on sites on how to be patient in this sort of relationship, this made me excited. So we start dating and getting to the point to where we would chat before bed and my heart was really opening up to her and her two daughters until something strange starting happening. One day I stopped hear from her. I tried texting, calling and leaving a voice mail but I got no response from her. I started to feel confused and lost, therefore back tracking to see if I went wrong somewhere. I finally receive a message from her stating that her ex husband had an overdose and she needs to be there for him and her daughters and that I don't deserve to be put to the side while she tries to resolve these issues. I let her know that I understand and that I'm willing to wait for her if she'll have me. She goes on to say that it's not fair for me and that I deserve to be happy and that I need to find the perfect person for me. she keeps telling me its not fair for me like she wants me to walk on away on my own without her having to tell me to leave. why do you think that? I don't want to lose her completely so I put out my friendship and she accepted it. I know I can't be selfish and scream that its not fair because of the situation, but this guy was abusive and a bad father and I feel like I lost out at something special because of the "Florence Nightingale Effect". I'm going to continue to be a supportive friend and be sensitive the whole way thru. What I'm wondering is what happens when my heart starts to feel at ease again and she wants to start over again? and if you have any advice for me on the whole situation, I would really appreciate it.

Updates:
OKay guys I've briefly chatted with her, she thanked me for checking on her. sometimes she replies sometimes she doesn't. I have decided not to contact her anymore so I don't make myself look stupid. the ball is in her court now. I have goals set that are coming up before I met her and I need to reach them.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'd stay away if I were you because this won't end well for you.

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What Girls Said 4

  • I believe because she was newly divorced she was not really emotionally ready for a new relationship. it was more of a rebound, and while she thinks you are a great guy, maybe she doesn't feel the same way you do. She may still be in love with her ex.

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  • Great plan ,its obvious she doesn't want anything more from u..let her be,sometimes we are places for a reason season or lifetime.,.,

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    • what's funny is that I told her that when I thought she was moving too fast. I told her that we are going from different directions she was in a marriage for the same amount of time that I have been out of a relationship...lol she didn't care at the time though.

    • when you suffer a breakup especially w your childs other parent,..u aren't thinking straight,just like when you lose a loved one due to death..u are in shock so you are not mentally able to make rational decisions

  • I wish I could convince you to move on. You are too young and seem too kind for bs. I saw your other question you posted 5 days ago and I have your answer as to why she is playing you- she is "RECENTLY DIVORCED." That almost always spells trouble. believe me I am 20 years older than you and I've been there done that. Please let her be until she gets her life straightened out and starts to lead a life away from her ex husband

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  • Okay don't listen to those guys. Don't be selfish. My mom was raising my sister and I and our dad committed auicide. Her boyfriend stuck around and tried to propose to her during all that and she said no. She needs a friend. That's a f***ing lot for someone to deal with. If it's meant to be you will end up together. She's just got a lot on her plate right now trust me.

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    • I know.. I don't want to quit, I just have a lot of people in my head telling me to move forward. I just don't know when its okay to check on her.

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    • I understand all of this, I'm being calm, I'm not demanding anything from her. It's most likely I will get hurt but It closure and that's what I'll need

    • No, again, that's a rationalization. She already gave you your closure. You just don't want to hear it. And she'll probably get more forceful and end up really hurting your feelings. But, hey, do whatever you feel that you need to do to live with it.

What Guys Said 2

  • Without going into much detail, the main point here is that she's using this as an excuse. She basically she isn't as serious about you are about her. People use these types of things as a way to hopefully get you to leave on your own without having to tell you to your face that they just aren't that into you anymore. I've had girls use similar types of crisis to get rid of me. I'm not saying that she is lying about the overdose. I'm just saying she's using it as a reason to break things off when in reality, if she was serious about your relationship, she'd find a way to make it work.

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  • Stay away from her, break contact, lose the friendship and try not to date single moms.

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