Girls, when a guy expects you to pay for your own meal on a first date, do you take that as a bad sign?

you guys have a great time until when it comes to pay the bill the guy wants you to pay for your meal and he pay his.

Would you take this as a bad sign? why or why not?

Updates:
whats wrong with being stingy? especially in todays economy?
be honest girls, have you ever asked out a guy for a first date and you actually aid for the meal? cause somehow I doubt you did.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • What? No! Of course not! I think that in the beginning you shouldn't expect either of you to pay for each other. It's your first date, you aren't just going to pay for a stranger. After a few dates, when you really start liking each other, you might want to treat them by paying, but it should never be demanded of you.

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    • well unfortunately it looks like you are in them minority here. that's pretty much how I feel, but if most women pretty much expect you to pay the first meal, gonna have to play their rules

    • Having someone pay for you is a really nice gesture. It should be appreciated and not just demanded. I wish more people realized that. It's not like they make money out of thin air. They worked hard for it and it's rude to just expect handouts. I don't know why so many women expect guys to pay for them :/

What Girls Said 36

  • No, I think it's a good sign. Means we're probably on the same page. My immediate thought is that he isn't a traditional guy, and for me, that's a positive. I usually bring it up myself, like "hey, why don't we go Dutch? :)". Some guys decline and say they'll pay, and if I'm pretty sure there will be a second date I may let it go and get him back next time, but if there probably won't be, then I insist on paying for myself. Especially if it's not a simple date. I do prefer the simple first dates though, like coffee or ice cream. Save the fancy dinners and treating each other for if we actually work out.

    Nothing's wrong with being careful with your money.

    Have I asked out a guy and paid for the meal? Yeah, a few times. Last time I asked a guy out, it wasn't a meal, but we went to a place called CREAM and had the most delicious ice cream and cookies combo I've ever tasted. Then we walked around downtown and played games at an arcade. It was fun. He did pay for some of the games though. That was nice of him.

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  • Not necessarily, I always offer to split the cheque or at least pay for myself on the first couple of dates anyway. But, to be honest, rather than haggling over who ate what and who owes what, I'd rather we just split it down the middle. Or I suppose we could ask for separate bills...

    Generally though, I expect that if we keep dating, we'll just take turns. I don't want to always have everything separate or be arguing over who owes what. It's better to just take it in turns. If he insists on keeping all money matters separate, that's a turn off because it says he's not really invested in the relationship or he doesn't trust me.

    It's also a turn off if every time it's HIS turn he tries to cheap out, like we go for fast food, but when it's my turn he's fine with going somewhere nicer, like sit-down. That means he's just generally cheap and is also using me a bit, not an attractive trait.

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  • For me, it depends on how he approaches it and what his reasons are. I don't want a guy constantly paying for me, but I have to admit, on the first date it's a nice gesture. If a guy seems like he's being stingy because he just wants to be, I'll take it as a bad sign. But if he brings it up in a way that implies that he'd like to pay if he could (for example "Do you mind splitting the bill? I'm on a strict budget.") I'll be 100% okay with that. I would never go on a date without being prepared to pay for my own meal if I need to, even if it's a situation where I'm hoping the guy will pay.

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  • i would be a little put off if he didn't say that would be the arrangement before the date (I always pay for our drinks all night if I assume he - the asker - pays for the meal to try and make it fair on him a little more without stopping him from looking manly)

    imo the asker should always assume to pay, I do it whenever I invite out my friends to places or if I ask a guy on a date/ to a movie so I expect the same back unless we agree beforehand we split the cheque. I've only asked a guy on a FIRST date once who was a stranger I met and got talking to but I've asked plenty of guy acquaintances/not close friends I've liked on first dates and paid for it. some were nice and offered to pay half or pay for some rounds of drinks and others got offended because he thought I was emasculating him (his words) or trying to make them look poor or that I'm trying to "show off" my independence even though it wasn't my intention I just like things fair

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    • the main reason I would be put off if he didn't make arrangements that it would be split beforehand is because I wouldn't have had a say in where we went and what if I couldn't afford it or he picked a place where he loved the food (steak house type place) and I hated it so barely ate much and he ordered a lions share I had to pay half for.

  • I'd think that he's stingy and I'd lose interest.

    While I don't NEED a guy to pay for my meal and I'm perfectly capable of paying for my own food, I don't want a guy who is stingy about his money like that. I'd be willing to pay for a guy's meal and if he's not willing to do the same, I'll feel like it's an early sign that he likes to take but he doesn't like to give.

    A guy paying for a girl's food is more about him showing he's a gentleman, chivalry still exists, and he's generous. It's less about getting a free meal and more about what that gesture says about the guy.

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    • maybe he's willing to pay, but after getting to know you more first

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    • who actually let me pay on a date now my boyfriend. On our very first date, he would not let me pay for my own meal: HE REFUSED. Then he let me pay for the movie because he saw that I wanted him to save money. Now, we've built this dynamic where if we have it financially, we are willing to share it with each other. It's so comforting and nice to know I could rely on him if I absolutely needed to.

    • "One of them even got annoyed with me for offering."

      Thats just one guy, but I bet you the rest of these guys where you offered to pay your own meal was something they appreciated deep down

  • Girls, when a guy expects you to pay for your own meal on a first date, do you take that as a bad sign? Would you take this as a bad sign? why or why not?

    I take it as a 'bad' sign if he's the one who asked me out since that means we most likely have very different social etiquette as to me whoever asks pays.

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    • this has always been my philosophy. If you are doing the asking, you should be doing the paying, at least for the first date. I don't know why some guys on here complain about this, when it makes pretty logical sense that you can't just drag a girl out from her normal day and expect to be that stingy of a host. Hosts are supposed to take care of their guests. Plus when you do the inviting, you get to choose where you two go...so pick a place that's cheap. Simple!

  • Yes, but that's if HE invited me for dinner. If HE invited me for a first date to dinner, I expect him to pay for this date. For the rest and the whole lasting of our relationship, I'm willing to pay for my stuff or split. I am old-fashioned in this aspect but that being said, I wouldn't accept to go to a dinner date with a guy I wouldn't see myself dating seriously, so no guy would spoil his money on my dinner if I weren't likely to follow up with a more serious commitment in the near future.

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    • have you ever asked out a guy for a first date and you actually paid for the meal?

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    • I don't understand why you take such a grudge in this. I mean, the last guy that paid the first dinner for me ended up becoming my boyfriend. I don't think 30$ for a meal is much to pay compared to me having to take birth control at the same exact time every single day and go to gynecological appointments for the next 2 years. Girls and guys face different setbacks in dating/relationship, that's all. In my native language, we call this a silly ''who pisses the furthest game".

    • like you girls make a big deal over paying your own 30 bucks, so to us guys. its the principle of it. and you know that

  • I always offer to pay my own way before we get the check...These are tough times and money doesn't grow on trees. Why should a guy waste hard earned money on me unless he really wanted to?

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  • I always pay for myself. I would never expect a guy to pay for me in anything, I'm no feminist but come on its a bit pathetic expecting another person to pay for you just because they have balls and a d***

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    • Preach T shirt and knee highs! This should get BA.

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    • How am I so contradicting? Talk TO ME if you have something to say about me instead of talking to the QA.

    • Fine. SunshineLelek, you're contradicting yourself constantly so shut the f*** up and move on

  • No, it's not a bad thing. I mean, it's first date, he doesn't know if he likes you yet hahah. But seriously. That adds up. It's always nice, but it should be a fair trade. There's nothing wrong with having to take care of yourself.

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  • It would depend on who is doing the asking out.

    If he asked me out then he should be prepare that I'm not paying for an invitation; if he insist on making me pay I will but that would be our last date. If I asked him out, I would pay for it and if he insisted on helping some when he doesn't have to then ok.

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    • have you ever asked out a guy and paid for the date? how many times?

  • When I order, I do so thinking if I have to pay for my own meal, would I rather pay for a $40 meal or a $15 meal? So even if I have some mild expectation of him paying I'd like to think I'm being considerate enough to order with dollars and cents in mind. This also makes it easier if at the end of the night if we decide to go dutch because I've ordered with my own budget in mind.

    I think the situation is different if he suggest a really expensive place. If he's planing on going dutch then it wouldn't be fair of him to expect me to pay for a meal more expensive than I really wanted.

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  • If the guy does not make it clear he is unable to pay for the meal BEFORE you actually go on a date, and the reasoning behind it is acceptable, then that's fine. If he waits till the check comes to let you know he's not paying, that's a bad sign.

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    • we would like you to at least offer even if he doesn't accept. it shows you are appreciative of him rather than his wallet

    • Oh of course lol! I always offer, and fight to at least cover the tip. However I'm saying it's a very good sign if he shows up prepared to pay for the meal--it shows he's a gentleman.

  • I don't think I could let someone pay for my meal. The only time I let someone pay for my meal was when they kept saying "Please, its my treat to you." so I felt bad and let them pay, but they had to let me pay for the tip. That's just me, I could never expect someone to buy me anything.

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  • No, it's fine but I always figured that if you suggest the date and choose the restaurant you should be paying for it.

    That goes both ways though. If she suggested and chose then she should pay.

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    • The alternative is choosing something free or really cheap like coffee. I had a guy ask me out when things were tight, choose a REALLY EXPENSIVE restaurant that I didn't realize was that expensive then I didn't have much money left over until next payday.

  • It really depends on whether or not he asked me out, because if he did it would kinda be expected of him. Not that I wouldn't pay my half of it if I was asked nicely.

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  • Here's the thing. I always offer to split it, but NEVER have I gone out with a guy who actually let me. So if he did, especially on a first date, I would be kind of put off. Call me old-fashioned, but...

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    • I agree completely. Don't let some of these paranoid, over-sensitive, possibly cheap guys giving you thumbs downs make you feel bad for being honest! Some of them are so overly obsessed with assuming females are "gold diggers" that they can't understand it's what the GESTURE says about the guy, how it makes him come off as a generous gentleman and how it makes a girl feel special.

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    • ... there's obviously a reason these guys are on GAG like 24/7...

    • yeah, I'm starting to think they're too stupid to get it. I don't know how many nice ways I can put it until I should just give up because most of them REFUSE to hear it

  • You ask...you pay. If this was the case guys would be asking out girls just to get a free meal. I will not waste my time on a guy who asked me out to an expensive restaurant then expect me to pay for it...absurd!

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    • we guys are also wary of girls who are just out for a free meal. we would like you to at least offer even if he doesn't accept. it shows you are appreciative of him rather than his wallet

  • Yes definitely,no matter how good looking he is I will lost interest on him.Never happened to me though.

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  • I would consider it to be rude. If he asked her out, then it is his responsibility to pay. It's courteous and it shows he is taking an interest in her. If he doesn't pay, it's more like she's his buddy rather than his date.

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    • my point is she should still at least offer to pay. like I say it shows she's more considerate and that she's not just after a free meal or looking at you for your wallet instead of a person

  • I don't want to keep conversating on that girl's answer.

    What were you saying?

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    • I'm not trying to have a pissing contest: you told me over and over and over that I'm making assumptions yet you refuse to explain why.

  • yeah I'd totally take it as a bad sign ,honestly I'd think it's cheap and I can't take a stingy guy

    I don't need him to pay I can pay for myself but unless I offer to ,it's so not cool

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  • I think if the man invited you out for a meal, he should be the one paying. If the said male can't afford it, offer something cheaper. Make your own sandwiches and go for a picnik and make the girl make her own food :L

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    • have you ever asked out a guy for a first date and you actually paid for the meal?

  • If official first date I wld prefer he show his sincerity. But I would still offer to pay for my share, I don't want him to think I want to 'carrot chop' him

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  • That is nothing wrong in that lots of couples do that.

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  • No I think I pay for myself before even going on the date.

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  • I think that the guy should at least offer to pay, if he asked me out. I think its the gentlemanly thing to do.

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    • and I think the girl should at least offer to pa. I think its the decent thing to do

    • I agree. Both parties should offer to pay, but in the end the one who initiated the date should pay.

  • Not at all.

    I've paid on many first dates. I've also paid for BOTH of us on first dates, particularly when I asked them out.

    I've been chastised for this though, I must admit. Women think I'm stupid and settling by paying for myself or both of us.

    I usually follow the rule - whoever asks, pays.

    I've asked MANY times, so I've paid many times.

    And after we'd become a couple, we alternated, one paying one time, the other paying the next time. I'm not rich, and none of the men I've dated have been rich either, so it's not like we had a lot of money to throw around, haha!

    I think people should court EACH OTHER, not just the men courting the women. It's a two way street.

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  • I think it is a bad sign as that he is not very thoughtful or giving. It's not that big of a deal, it's just the principle that you want a guy who is caring and a gentleman. It's also just kind of tradition. I think it is a sign that it could lead to fights in the future because it seems like he is sort of stubborn or "well, I want it my way" type of person. However, it can depend on how well you know each other. If you talked a while before the date and have a pretty good liking of each other, he should..but in a few circumstances where you barely know each other than it would be understandable, but still frowned upon.

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    • have you ever offered to pay on a first date? even if he refused?

    • Confession time: never been on a date, but yes I think I would unless we had been talking for a long time and he asked me out in like an official way.

  • Im probably going to get downvoted but this is my opinion. I like when a guy pays for the first date because it feels like they are sort of 'taking care' of me and women like that feeling from a man. Also, even when I go out with friends and stuff I will offer to pay for both of us if I get to the till first and sometimes they offer when they do too, its just a nice gesture to do for someone else and traditionally men are courting women which is easier to do if the women think they are being nice to them.

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  • More from Girls
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What Guys Said 11

  • What I do is buy a cup of coffee for her and get to know her. This way it shows a little initiative and I can actually talk to her. I had a girl a while back try to hit me up for a movie date and I immediately think "gold digger" because I never met them yet(this is online dating). Other guys have complained that girls they haven't met yet have tried hitting them up for dinner dates without meeting first and they'd try to change it to something that isn't costly and they'd get turned off.

    If I went on 5 dates costing around 25 each and none of the girls wanted to meet again that's 125 bucks for what? Nothing! I'd like to see a mature woman try that. But most girls on the "who pays" deal are literally.. just girls who got spoiled parenting and think they're value is based on how pretty they are. Try asking a girl to go dutch and suddenly the guy is "not a man" and "not treating a woman right" and all that yet we got all this "equality" bullsh*t being spread around yet we are clearly not seeing equality but merely girls trying to abuse the male "provider" stereotype for personal gain. I would never consider someone "independent" if they spent their time hitting guys up for dinner dates expecting them to always pay. They can't even feed themselves.

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  • I have no problem paying for a women when I ask her on a date. Part of it is because I'm an old fashioned guy so it feels weird if I don't pay for her. I also like spending money on women I care about if it makes them happy. Finally, I feel like people are judging me if I don't pay. I always feel weird when my Girlfriend would offer to take me out and pay. I felt like the waiter was judging me just because she was paying the bill. This kind of shows how our society has a double standard about this.

    However, all this being said, if a girl doesn't at least offer to pay her own meal, she probably won't be getting a second date. It just shows a lack of class. Even when its not a date, its just common practice to attempt to pay your own way, even when a person insists they are treating you. You know they are going to refuse your money but at the same time they're expecting you to offer so that you don't look like an ungrateful gold digger.

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  • I'm sure they would. I know I would. I believe that whoever asks pays. I'm a university student and there are plenty of alternatives for a first date than going out to eat. Even if I as the host decide to take a girl out to eat I get to choose the place and I chose a place that has a good atmosphere, but affordable to my pocket. On a date I'm trying to get to know her and to see if we are compatible. I'm trying to impress her with who I am and if I get the feeling that she is more impressed with my wallet than me then I'll move on

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    • but again when do girls ever ask out guys on the first date? so its almost always a given that the guy has to pay. and girls know this so that's why they back behind that philosophy

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    • They hide behind it because its worked in their favour and generally across the world this is still the norm. During the segregation I'm sure many white people were against it, but went along with it because it worked in their favor and hardly anyone blinked an eye

    • TedStar you're still missing the point...

      What the QA is saying is that men ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS have to make the first move: It doesn't matter if it's date, just "hanging out", or a blowjob in the stairwell - The acceleration of a relationship between a guy and a girl is always fueled by the man ;)

  • Why can't the person who asks the other one out pay for the meal? I mean if you're making the offer to give the other person a good night shouldn't that person pay? If I asked a girl out to eat I would pay because I'd be the one giving the gift of a good night. I think it's weird to ask a girl out for the first time and expect her to pay. It's like giving a person a gift and then making them pay for it. This has NOTHING to do with gender though. I'd expect the same thing in return if a girl asked me out somewhere. It's common courtesy and following through in my opinion. If we both wanted to go somewhere really badly we could go halfsies.

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    • my point is she should still at least offer to pay. like I say it shows she's more considerate and that she's not just after a free meal or looking at you for your wallet instead of a person

    • Yeah I know what you mean. You mean it as a gesture of good faith.

  • All these feminists asking for equal rights and girls still post stuff like this. Calling a guy stingy because he doesn't want to give you a free meal, smh.

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    • Feminist =/= Equalist

      Feminism = Fighting for women's rights

      Equalist = Fighting for complete gender equality

      A feminist wouldn't pay or offer to pay the check because she would feel obligated and that strips her of her economic rights, something asinine like that.

      An equalist would offer to split the check until you got to know each other better because she knows it's wrong to invest more into a relationship than the other person when you are not sure of the outcome.

    • End point, she does not want to use you.

  • I always offer to pay if she refuses I tell her I wouldn't mind but if she refuses again I just say alright if you really want to lol

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  • First date, second date, 50 first dates

    She should ALWAYS reach for it, but shouldn't feel she should HAVE to pay for it.

    The reaching shows she cares enough to pay for herself but most guys know that it's proper to pay for her...on occasion she'll say she's fine with paying (got a raise or something)

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  • Women will never ask out on a date because they know that the person who asks out first which is the guy 99.9% of the time , Is "obligated to pay."

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    • Totally true. They're true colors can show when they're expected to actually contribute to what could be a relationship. If she can't contribute at all, who would want a girl who doesn't contribute in a relationship?

  • It's a bad sign I think but it should be that way instead because now a days the first 30 plus dates the guy pays but after that is like 50/50...but its should be first 30 dates 50/50 & after that the guy should pay.

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  • If she doesn't pay for her meal and she doesn't want another date it's clear she just wants your money. That's the only reason they get mad because they didn't get a free meal. It's disgusting how many women want to get treated better than they treat the guy

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    • I'm amazed how much not paying for the meal is important to the women.

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    • You do know that stuff is true to an extent

  • Almost every girl will hate it. Girls are naturally moochers and if they don't get a free meal they will ditch you. Just goes to show how much money means to women than actually being a good person

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    • Funny they say it's not about the money but you will never see the day where the women will want to pay for the first date with a guy to leave a great first impression. Money just means a ton to women and I'll never understand it

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    • Girls want the benefits of being a girl and not for being an equal. They think they deserve better than equal.

    • lol, not really. But if that's the perception you choose to adopt then that's probably why you got an account on GAG because you don't know a damn thing about women lol

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