Should I try and date or stay single?

Okay... so... I'm a little confused.

Back in March, my boyfriend of 5 years ignored me for a week, and then text me to tell me he liked someone else. He took her out on a date that night and they've been together ever since, and are now living together. (We never lived together)

Since then I've had a bit of a rough time. I took time out to heal, I started doing all the things I was too scared to do when I was with him. I started acting a bit more my age, and not like a 40 year old.

Okay... so on my birthday about a month ago, I slept with a friend. It was completely casual, it's not weird between us. For me, it was a huge step. Not only for being with someone who wasn't my ex, but because I was drugged and raped a few months ago; I've received help.

I've met someone at work, and I'm not sure how I feel. He treats me amazingly; he cooks for me, he lights candles, he respects me, he walks me home and never lets me walk next to the road, he doesn't push me, he texts me good morning and good night everyday. But I'm not sure if I'm attracted to him... and I know he's falling for me.

So; I have a guy who treats me amazingly, and listens. The friend I slept with I'm more attracted to but is completely opposite - the friend is interested in the same things, he makes me laugh and I love how easy going he is. He's younger and shorter than me with a very slim body. Whereas the other is older, has a flat and a car, is a larger build, taller than me, but our interests are different.

Do I stay single? Or try and date? I have been moving on from my ex but I think I'm at the point I need someone new so I don't think about my ex and his girlfriend. It doesn't help that they follow me to my gigs...

I'm so confused!

Updates:
So... I decided in the end that even though yes I'm making steps towards seeing someone new, the guy who treats me amazingly I just didn't feel it and If I didn't by now I probably never would. I was honest with him, and I said I wasn't ready for a relationship (which is true, when he goes to kiss me I shy away in fear). As for the other guy, I think it's going to be one of those sexual tension things but it's kinda fun. All of us are still friends and speaking regularly, I feel 100% better, ty!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • stay single! Don't rush back into another relationship so quickly. Despite the despicable atrocity that was committed against you...try to have the self confidence/esteem to spend some time getting to know yourself outside the confines of a relationship. Those that quickly dive back into serious relationships as soon as one ends tend to do so out of insecurity. Live life a little. Answer to no one for a while. Date and sleep with whoever you want for a few months...or more!

    One day, when you are married, have a couple of kids and have moved on to the next phase of your life...you will look back on this time and you will be so glad that you had the confidence to spend some time at this age living for yourself and experiencing the wonders of being a confident/successful (and I am sure...) beautiful young single women.

    Live it up girl!

    Enjoy!

    Cheers!

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What Guys Said 4

  • well if you don't like this guy (treats you amazing, listens, cooks, etc) you shouldn't date him. you'll just get yourself into a really awkward position when at some point you'll have to tell him how you're not really feeling him.

    you should date when you are ready and date a guy you are attracted to both physically and from a chemistry standpoint.

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  • You can try to date, But not people from work. Stop leading the guy on from work and don't sh*t where you eat.

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    • We don't work together. He works in a different department and building to me. Our lives very rarely cross professionally.

      I don't want to lead him on; hence asking this question. I know he's falling for me and I'm not for him. I've been honest with him about everything, including my feelings.

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    • I've been going to that I can try and feel closer to him.

      How do I let him down without upsetting him then?

    • You can't control other people's feelings. Of course he's going to be upset. He wants a romantic relationship and you don't. You can't prevent that. You can be honest and upfront with him, and spare his ego by mentioning what you did up in your question, he's a great guy, a very kind and giving person but you just don't feel an attraction to him.

  • You need to try and date again. There is no such thing as stagnant opportunity and the reality is you're just wasting your life with false dilemmas. If you don't try what happens? Nothing. If you do try what happens? More experience, more life.

    So it's pretty simple really. Also, the strange man would be the better bet but it doesn't matter which you pick.

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  • I say you should relax, and don't even think about the question. Don't stress yourself with dating, just relax.

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    • I was trying but then I started to realize people will get hurt - the nice guy who treats me well is on about buying me Christmas presents and stuff (he knows he's not my boyfriend) and I realized that it's not just two friends casually seeing each other/bit of flirting. It's more, at least for him.

    • Well, tell him flat out no because he's either being led on and you're using him. Or he's using gifts to get into your pants, which is the wrong way to do so, in that case, get rid of him. It'll turn sour later on if things aren't cleared up.

What Girls Said 1

  • I understand you want a advice, but in all honestly no one can tell you what you need to do. You need to make that decision. I can tell you to move on with guy A or B, but you know what's best for you not me. Listen to gut, don't move on if you are not ready to start a new relationship it's not fair to either guy.Don't try to move on just because your ex already did. Moving on takes time everyone is different. You know what's right for you, just listen to your gut and trust yourself.

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    • I know what you mean. Unfortunately my gut says see someone new otherwise you'll never move on. But it also says are you ready or are you using people?

    • You are just second guessing yourself. Which I think is normal and we all do it. Like I said deep down you know what you should do. Just listen and trust yourself, which is hard sometimes when you've been hurt. I think it's part of healing after being hurt is learning to trust again.

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