Dating: Should I even bother?

Just curious, but what do you think?

I am 33, unmarried, no kids, and, believe it or not, never even had a girlfriend, dated or kissed! (And no, I'm not hideous, obese, in a coma, etc. It's a long, boring, complicated story: the end result is that I'm single and completely inexperienced.) I find myself thinking about women a lot (duh), but I'm not really sure if I even WANT to date. At my age, women expect a guy to know what he's doing on a date, yet I'm still at the "oh-crap-she's-interested-in-me-too-now-what-do-I-do?" stage. Lol As much as I would love to get married and have kids, I'm so far behind right now that I don't see how I can catch up, so to speak. And frankly, I've been single so long, all of it seems scary and overwhelming. ;D

So, what to do you think? If you were in my shoes, would you bother to try dating? Or just say "forget the whole thing: I've been single this long, so I might as well be a bachelor the rest of my life!" ;D


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm not going to lie, dude. I think this is going to be very difficult for you. Unfortunately, women are very judgmental about this kind of thing. Most women will think there's something 'wrong' with you. Of course if a woman is in a similar position, it's something that we're required to 'respect'.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Dating: Should I even bother?

    I don't do should or shouldn't unless it pertains to children/animals. Perhaps it's suited to not bother dating if you view dating as scary and overwhelming, you aren't even sure you want to date, and you seemingly aren't seen as desirable or appealing to the gals.

    So, what to do you think?

    I think likely if you had desirable sexual opportunities dating wouldn't even be a blip on your radar so perhaps try prostitutes/escorts.

    If you were in my shoes, would you bother to try dating?

    If you mean in your shoes along with being a guy I wouldn't bother to try dating since likely as a guy my motivation is male ego boost and sex which can be gotten ala prostitutes.

    Or just say "forget the whole thing: I've been single this long, so I might as well be a bachelor the rest of my life!"

    I'd choose that option considering how for guys it seems way more desirable to be a bachelor than be in a relationship especially if it's long-term and committed or marriage.

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    • No offense, but wow, that's some really jaded, sexist thinking there! Don't just assume that because I'm a guy, all I want from a woman is sex, or that I don't like the idea of being a husband and father someday. Just because I don't feel ready for that, it doesn't mean "oh boy, let me go sow my wild oats and sleep around!" That's really insulting. I'm not ready for all of what a relationship entails because I know the enormous responsibility that rests on a man's shoulders when he takes on the role of husband and father (the REAL point of dating and relationships for REAL men). I want that, but I don't want to mess it up. THAT is where my anxiety comes from... I don't need a " male ego boost and sex". And they call US chauvinists...

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    • The perceived insult was that you implied that, as a guy, "my motivation is male ego boost and sex which can be gotten ala prostitutes." So, you basically think that our only motivations are our egos and sex. Thanks for that. -_- I also did mention that "as much as I would love to get married and have kids, I'm so far behind right now that I don't see how I can catch up, so to speak. And frankly, I've been single so long, all of it seems scary and overwhelming." I meant that I'm pretty much overwhelmed by the whole process of dating, finding the one, getting married, raising kids, etc. Choosing to remain single just means that I don't think I'm capable or ready for such responsibility... Yet. But I really don't think suggesting that I go to a prostitute is good advice, thanks. I appreciate your trying to help, but I'm not that kind of guy. Sorry for snapping.

    • I already guess what you perceived the insult to be.

      Perhaps a mail order bride than as the issue seems to be you want to be married and have kids without dating which seems to have you feeling inadequate by your statements:
      'I'm not really sure if I even WANT to date'
      'as much as I would love to get married and have kids, I'm so far behind right now'

      With a mail order bride you can omit dating, feeling inadequate that you're far behind, choose the gal you want age and looks wise, and it's seemingly a position of power for you.

      Meh I see no reason to apologize. I had no issue.

  • Don't give up but tread carefully. I haven't had a real boyfriend myself but dated and kissed a handful of guys. Having been less experienced I tend to fall really quick cause I have no comparisons. The firsts will mean more than those with experience. This is my experience at least.

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  • i wouldn't give up actually.

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  • yes I would casually date and see what's out there for me and how I react to different people! it will give me some experience to actually date someone I like!

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What Guys Said 1

  • I am 23 and in the same standing. Everyone says that I got plenty of time, and I believe that. You got time too. People (men and women) date and get married at all ages. You don't have to let your date know all the things you mentioned. There are many websites with fantastic information on dating and relationships. You can ask your friends for advice too. Real friends would be glad to help you.

    Do you want to date or not? Only you can answer that. Think about how you can add dating into your schedule and see how it will impact your career and everything else you do. Try to make it work if you decide that you really want to find that special someone. Whatever you choose, you have to be fine with it. If you choose to date, you should be proud of it. If you choose to forget it, you have to be proud of that too. If not, maybe you made the wrong choice.

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    • Best answer... I just found out too late. ;)

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