The guy I'm seeing is coming on way too strong. Deal breaker much?

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I saw this guy again. We've been texting everyday since we met on Friday. Went on a first date on Sunday and today, we went for coffee near my apartment. I made it quick since I have studying to do. Same thing again, he stops me in the street to make out, he sweet talks to me, tells me compliments. Sometimes, I even felt like he cut the silences short or interrupted me to try to make out more.

I flat out asked him what he wanted, when we were returning.

His answer was along the tines of ''I don't want to get involved too quick. My ex told me she loved me two weeks after we got together, she had the couply picture on Facebook, she introduced me to her parents way too early, she'd often tell me I was the man of her life. I was her first boyfriend and things got serious way too soon. Her parents didn't like me but I kept going to these family dinners they invited me to, which I couldn't stand."

Blabla bla, basically he dumped her after 9 months. He had lots of anecdotes about their relationship, which makes me think he's saying the truth about his ex. HOWEVER, I still think he's coming on waaaayyy too strong for someone who wants to take things easy. He's restraining from trying to get in my pants, he's respectful of my private boundaries, but the making out is overdone and I'm getting sick of putting my foot down when I want to leave or walk instead of making out in public. He just seems too eager to get closer physically, it's making me uncomfortable, and I wonder if it's a good reason to dump his arse. I want a serious relationship, and I tend to believe that if he's all over me like that after less than a week, he's infatuated and it's not gonna last. I'm not naive enough to believe that I have won him over that quickly when he's 25 years old and probably has way more experience dating-wise than I do.

In contrast, I dated my ex for like 2 weeks before we even kissed. This guy is hugging me, french-kissing me and rubbing me like we're long-time lovers. Sometimes, I think to myself ''Dude, calm the f*** down, I'm not won over already". I truly feel like I have the upper hand in this as I'm definitely not all over him, neither am I ever truly letting myself go. Tonight, I flat out broke free, lead him to the subway exit and commanded him to leave right now because I had to study. What's your opinion on all of this mess? Please be polite alright.

Updates:
Things ended great with this guy, after all. He drunk texted me lots last night. We texted about this today and things finally ended very smoothly. I'm extremely pleased about the outcome!


Me: Let's say that your intentions are very clear now.

Him: I think I can't give you what you want, I am sorry.

Me: It's all right. I can't give you what you want either. At least, now we're honest.

Him: I have enormous respect for you. I'm sorry I probably wasted your time. I wish you the best sincerely
Me: Thanks a lot :) You're really nice. I don't regret anything, I know you're a good guy. You're been pretty well-behaved, that too deserves respect. The best to you too!

Him: Me neither. I kiss you. Good luck for the future and for your exams xox


I couldn't be happier. He was a gent after all, and I didn't let him play me! :)

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Most Helpful Guy

  • The stuff about taking it slow is just a line he's learned. He knows women will put up with his antics if he keeps saying he wants to take things slow.

    His actions say he wants a quick sexual affair, and that's all.

    Somehow, I've always paid more attention to actions than words, whether in politics or in personal relationships!

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    • Yep, I told him that. "There's what you say and there are your actions, you know." I'm not considering this a "taking it slow'' approach at all. I'm starting to feel smothered so I'm not sure I'll give him another chance. I know I'll be told again "What?! What was wrong, again, you always cut things short so quick!" Haha, I feel like such an old soul in the dating game, it's ridiculous.

    • Show All
    • Time to bail, yes!

    • No way this guy tells the truth, ever.

What Guys Said 3

  • I think you should tell him how you feel, just let him know that the amount of making out and kissing you are doing is uncomfortable but let him know that you are interested in him... Let him know you're looking for a serious relationship too so he can figure out what he wants as well...

    He may just really like making out and that's what he means by taking it slow as it sounds like he hasn't been just kissing as a precursor to making moves into your pants or under your shirt etc.

    I wouldn't just assume that a guy who's 25 years old has a lot of dating experience either fwiw.

    To sum up, just talk with him and let him know how you feel.

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    • Yeah, I think you're right. I should tell him how I feel. I'm being at bit phony myself, I'll admit that. I can't keep on seeing him if I'm always on the fence, and this issue is what's keeping me from truly letting go. Cause if I truly was letting go, our makeouts would be AMAZING. I'm restraining myself so much, it's UNREAL. I'm sure we'd have great sex and I love his cuddles, but right now it feels off because we're not committed to each other and I'm still wondering if he's for real or not.

  • I'd follow your gut on this one and tell him he needs to respect your wishes. If he does, great. If not, better to find out now and drop him asap.

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    • I don't know if my gut is right or not anymore. My breakup was like... 2 months ago. It was a 2 year relationship. So I'm starting to wonder if I'm feeling awkward because things are going too fast in absolute OR too fast for my taste, compared to how slow things evolved physically with my ex. It's like I feel dragged into a dark alley I'm afraid to visit again. I don't want to be played and I can't help but search for redflags. I don't want to get hurt or sorry again, so I'm extremely cautious.

  • That's why I go dutch (under $15.00) so I can remind myself that it's only a get together and not a official date. I only spend real money on women that won me over.

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    • What do you mean? He paid for our first date, probably around 60$. I think he could be a patient player-type nonetheless. I dunno, I have a bad feeling about this. And somehow, I wonder if things will end badly between us. I don't know if he's a jerk who'll go brag to his friends that we had sex when we didn't. Who knows what a sore loser can do :/

    • $60 is not a cheap date .Some of these guys are sucker and they invest their money and emotions into females who want to take things molasses in January slow.

What Girls Said 1

  • He definitely is physically attracted to you and seems like he just wants to date for now but might want to act like your a couple without labeling you two. He thinks he can get his way unless yo tell him that you don't wanta fling and aren't looking for just dating and that eventually you want a relationship. If he can't respect that then you might need to call it quits before emotions get more involved.

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    • Yeah, so far emotions didn't get involved. I somehow have an emotional blocking. I don't want to bond too much, I don't want him to get too close, I don't want to fully engage in our makeouts... Like, I don't give him affection like I gave my ex. I don't feel the emotional connection yet, and it feels phony to return all of this affection back so early. He's not a bad guy, I think, but he's overdoing it and I'm starting to doubt that I can develop genuine feelings for a guy I'm doubting so much

    • It seems that he is showing to much affection and you aren't even emotionally involved yet to feel comfortable returning the affection. So the next step would be to talk to him about you two continuing to get to know each other more because you don't want to get too attached to someone too soon but eventually you want a relationship if all goes well. Don't be afraid to speak your mind. Just let him know that both of you have to be on the same pg to work it out.

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