Was I too harsh on her?

My friend was dumped two weeks ago and since then she's done nothing but complain about it. And I get it, they dated for nearly two years.

But all she did while they dated was complain about him and how he was an awful boyfriend and how she could do so much better.

Anyway, now that he dumped her all she's done is complain about how he won't talk to her. It's literally been nonstop about it. Yet she claims she's handling it fine.

And today I snapped. I can only handle listening to her moan for so long.

Today when she complained that he hadn't talked to her I said, "That's 'cause he's not going to. You probably will never hear from him again. That's how breakups work. They breakup and say they'll still be friends, make some small talk over the next few days and then stop talking. That's how it works and it sucks but that's how it is."

And she looked like she was going to cry. Which I don't understand because she complained about him all the time and she's started talking to new guys already. Plus what I said is the truth so...

My boyfriend said it was too harsh so what do you think?


Most Helpful Girl

  • i recently broke up about a month ago from a 2 year relationship. and I really have only been able to talk about him to absolutely everybody so I think it is kind of normal. also I think its the fact that she feels like it is all unfair she is left with these horrible feelings to deal with, and its frustrated he isn't contacting her and he was just such an a**hole. she is just in an emotionally weird place. I think considering its only been 2 weeks that's fine, but she really needs to stop moping about this guy now. 2 weeks is enough time to mourn and be depressed. she now needs to get on with it. doesn't mean she can't be sad etc but I don't think you would be harsh in saying that to her now. its not so much that she needs to get over him that she is having trouble with but maybe just the whole situation in general, the injust in it all, maybe she was dumped, cheated on, put through crap and feels its unfair. often people can't let go of those things rather than the person. maybe you need to help her see that complaining isn't going to solve her problems now but rather she needs to do what it takes to be able to move on. tell her to read google articles about moving foward and acceptance and letting go.

    • He was good to her. She was the one who treated him like dirt.


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What Guys Said 3

  • What I think is, you have to remember your own words when you in her position. it's not like I wish you to be. But, there's nothing harsh bout it. In fact you just stop her from lying to herself. Sooner or later, it doesn't matter. Cause she have to.

  • Yes, you were absolutely too harsh (although, tbh, I could see myself saying that to someone lol), especially since it's only been two weeks and they dated for two years.

  • I can understand how her moaning could have been very annoying, but you shouldn't kick someone when they're down.


What Girls Said 3

  • I completely understand why you could not stand the moaning, however as her friend, sometimes you have to just listen and agree. Especially at only 2 weeks. Now if you had said 4 months then I would have said you were correct in telling her like it is.

    What she is doing is grieving, and you need to look at things from her point of view. Yes the relationship may have been crap, and yes she may be talking to other guys, but she has lost something from her life that was once there every day, she has lost the chance of love, she is now back at square one, feeling unloved and worthless. I know that it may be difficult to understand when you are in relationship, but just think if you were dumped right now, wouldn't you need your friend to talk about it with.

    Talking about things and getting things off her chest is how she is dealing with this. Deep down she knows full well that it is over and that he will never talk to her. Maybe she is trying to find answers as to why she spent so much time in a relationship that had no future. She may be feeling that she has just wasted 2 years of her life.

    As a friend though a 'real' friend we have to take the good with the bad.

    When I broke up with my boyfriend 3 months ago I could talk about it now and again with people but not enough that I needed to. I never initiated talking about it. One of my friends brought it up asking what happened, after 2 minutes of me talking about it, she made it very clear she didn't want to hear anymore and basically wanted me to leave. I felt like utter crap, that I was feeling so awful and even my own friends couldn't give a sh*t.

    I know sometimes it is hard to hear someone moaning on, but sometimes like a said to be a real friend you have to accept these times.

    If you think she'd do the same to you in this situation then fair play to you for telling her straight, but if not you might need to look at your friendship. Is it really that much of a value to you?

  • Yes it may sound a bit harsh. it's kinda normal for her to keep talking about the break-up. It's only been two weeks. Though she kept complaining about her boyfriend when they were dating, being dumped can still hurt a lot. I remember when I got dumped by my boyfriend, , I've been talking to my friends about the break-up for a month. I also sometimes complained about how bad he was as a boyfriend when we were still dating, but I was still with him because I loved him so being dumped by him really sucked. I knew I was pretty annoying since I kept moaning and bitching to my friends lol. And I am so grateful my friends were there for me.

    I know you are telling her the truth, a truth that she needs to know, but next time maybe talk to her in a nicer way than snapping at her. It takes time to heal, and two weeks is still a pretty short period of time to get over the pain of being dumped. Just be there for her and listen. She will be grateful for that :)

  • It was definitely too harsh. They dated for two years and it's just been two weeks for goodness sake. Two years is a long time to have someone in your life. It doesn't matter that she complained about him, you didn't see her dump HIM, did you? Break ups are hard on both ends, it's even harder when you're the one that was broken up with. It doesn't matter if there were problems or not. He was an integral part of her life. If she was always complaining about him when together, that means she was ALWAYS thinking about him. Now it's completely over, she's probably thinking about him even more than she was when they were together. It's going to take a lot of time for her.

    I just went through a break up that wasn't nearly as long as hers. And I'm doing my best not to go on and on about it to friends, but it's literally the only thing I can really think about right now. I try to distract myself with other things, and it just isn't working. It's really hard. At week two, I was still escaping into the the bathroom at work to cry, and if a true friend asked "How are you?" I couldn't answer because that question just made me have to bite back tears. Also. Not all break ups work the same. I know of people that are real friends with their ex's. Maybe that's not how this one will turn out, and talking this soon after may not be a good idea (breathing room generally helps), but saying "that's how break ups work" really wasn't a good response.