Twenty year old virgin, how do I go about this?

So, I'm 20 years old and have never been kissed, had sex, gotten intimate etc.

Recently this summer I went on my first hang out/date. The guy held my hand and introduced me to cuddling when we lied in the grass. And for whatever reason, he never texts me anymore.

Well, after out hangout/date, I can't stop thinking about him, or get the fact of how amazing it would be to have someone there for you, the human contact and closeness. It's something I have been craving a lot recently. Not having a bf/dating never bothered me b4, but now It's something I can't get off my mind, I just want it. I'm lonely.

Is this weird? Do any of you males feel this way? What's a way to get dates? I'm pretty shy and obviously inexperienced. Many people tell me I have the looks and brain, that I just need to put myself "out there." How do I go about this?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • None of this is odd. You'd kind of ignored it but it made you realize that it would in fact be nice.

    As for your hang out/date, I'm sorry it didn't work out, but that's -also- pretty normal. Most first dates don't lead to relationships, just like most relationships don't lead to marriage. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong.

    If you have the looks and the brain, you just need to interact with more single guys in a friendly way.

    Do you work? Are you in school? Where do you live? Do you have any hobbies? Do you have many female friends?

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    • Really, ya think so? Well, I'm glad.

      I know, I'm kind of a bit bummed about that, I really thought we had a connection. He even said so, but that is very true. A date is merely a date, not a commitment.

      I was kind of blaming myself, thinking I did something wrong, but I mean, I guess it wouldn't make sense to say that.

      Yes, I do wok and I am in my 3rd year at the University of Utah. I do have hobbies, and I do have many female friends.

    • Girl you sound just like me :) lol I think we have a couple of things in common when it comes to the dating game

What Guys Said 3

  • You're totally normal, and guys feel the same way when they haven't had a relationship.

    DAting is one of the worst ways to get to know someone. hanging out, either in a group or in a club for people with similar interests, is more natural, and healthier.

    Have you tried contacting this guy? Maybe he wants to know that you like him! He wouldn't know you are thinking about him/

    Goout andmeet people at places where you'll find those you want to know. There are plenty of guys just like you, and they are , looking for girls like you.

    But these guys are not to be found in bars or night clubs.

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    • MartyFellow...mannn I love reading your answers :)

    • Really? Well that's good to know! Haha

      I hear that all the time, especially about blind dates. I guess group hangouts are the way to go, they're more chill.

      No, I have not tried contacting him. Ya see, the thing is I got a new phone and lost his number. :/

      Haha well good to know because I'm not really a night club or bar girl.

    • Good luck, don't look back.

  • Are you good looking?

    You put yourself 'out there' by not being shy. Fake the confidence. No one knows your inexperience except you.

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    • Hmm I mean, I get complimented a lot, but I have a low self-esteem, so idk. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I guess.

      Fake it 'til you make it right? haha

    • Exactly. Because, guess what? Most everyone else is faking it too

  • most guys prefer virgin girls. however it also depends on why you're a virgin. lots of girls say,

    "I want to lose my virginity to someone special" ... -_- what does that even mean?. literally every relationship I've been in, the girl claims to love you, usually if you're with a girl more then a few weeks then you qualify for special.

    So basically... the ones who are virgins are virgins because they haven't managed to have sex yet so it's not really special but if she was waitingtill marriage then that's incredibly admirable. although either way a virgin is best

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    • Haha ahh, gotta love those girls that say that ("I want to lose my virginity to someone special"), then it turns out to be whatever guy she is with.

      I have always said I wanted to "save myself for marriage," but now I am not sure if I do. I'm not saying I want to go out and do it with my first boyfriend, I just don't want to be so old-fashioned. I was told that sometimes it's good to do it when you feel you're with "the one," just to make sure you have the sexual connection.

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    • Thanks so much! I def will not lose it to anyone I honestly, and do not think is worthy. I mean, to have that is special, I don't want to have memories of doing it with random guys here and there that I didn't care for, or feel is "the one."

      Def! I hate when people just use people as ways to add more to their list of bangs. People should be with others because they really, truly like and care for them.

      Yeah, I never understood that whole guy thing of them wanting to be thee first.

    • yeah, you should save for marriage, the guy will be lucky

What Girls Said 3

  • Also ...

    I'd like to add the fact that being a virgin is not a bad thing. Nowadays people our ages have been so influenced by the media that by doing something normal means that we are not doing something right.

    The meaning of virginity has changed A LOT. Seriously, think about it. What comes to mind when you think of the word 'Virgin'

    Why do people look at it in such a negative context? Losing your virginity shouldn't be taken so casually. When you decide to share yourself with someone you are touching a very spiritual side of your human nature. You are connecting with someone physically/emotionally.

    The meaning will always be different to different people. But all I'm trying to say is you should think about changing your views about your virginity. Don't look down on yourself for being one because there are so many people like us out there who need positive role models.

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    • Aw, well thanks, Gloria! Hopefully I get out there and meet some guys, it's hard when you're super shy around 'em!

      Btw, I love your advice/viewpoint!

    • Hey my pleasure :)

      Good luck with dating

  • Feel free to express. Don't shy away from asking this guy out to meet somewhere. You need to be casual and have low expectations (It's so easy to say but hard to do...I know) But still it is worth a try. I know how you feel. I've never had a boyfriend before and I'm still craving that human contact. To feel someone's hand, breath, the actual 'being'. Dates make you crave more.

    The worst thing that can happen is rejection. That's not the end of the world, so don't live in that fear.

    Go ahead, pick up that phone and chat him up to grab some coffee/ice cream one afternoon :)

    Let me know how that goes :)

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  • to put yourself out there id say,start taking initiative and smile or say hello to the guy.

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