So my ex of almost a year broke up with me last year because she said she never loved me and thought the relationship was going nowhere. To be fair, I never told her that I loved her. When she first broke up with me, I felt I took it well and like a man. I did not cry or beg. I told her that I respected her decision and walked away. She said we could still be friends.
But then, after a few days, I realized how much I missed her and that perhaps I that I truly loved her. I then wrote her a long handwritten letter to express my feelings, followed by an email and then finally asking her in person if there was anything I can do to make things right. She said no.
After a few months of NC (and depression), I saw her again at a function (we are in the same circle), and was friendly towards her. I did not bring up the relationship and I kept my cool as best as I could althouh I am sure she could detect I was nervous. She was friendly enough to me. I never called or bothered her after this although deep down I was hoping she would come back.
Another month passed, and when I saw her again, I felt more confident that she and I could be amicable towards each other. Although I would have preferred a reconciliation, I was glad that we were not enemies. However, this time, my ex turned ice cold and rude on me. I was stunned and hurt, but I maintained my composure and civility.
I later discovered that she found out through mutual friends that I started dating around (nothing serious, but she thought I was dating someone) and otherwise bouncing back from the breakup.
Did I kill my chances with her by either trying to get her back with the letter, or by moving on and dating others?
What do women prefer a guy to do once they have dumped them? Let's assume the guy was not a perfect boyfriend, but he did not cheat or lie to her. Would you respect a guy who walks away and does not try to get you back?
Does it bother you if he dates others even if you dumped him?
Most Helpful Guy
"Did I kill my chances with her by either trying to get her back with the letter, or by moving on and dating others?"
No, you didn't.
Look, your chances of getting back with her were virtually zero anyway. A girl loves the idea that a guy has a hard time getting over her. That sort of thing feeds her ego. It doesn't make her want you back. She got pissed when she heard you were dating, because it meant you were over her. Again, it had no bearing on whether she wanted you. She just liked knowing that you weren't over her yet.
It's very petty, but it's practically universal in girls. They might deny it, but when you get enough experience you'll see that it's true.
It's one of the reasons that the best thing a guy can do, is move on immediately. It throws her into a right state - she gets annoyed, upset, confused and doubts whether the relationship ever meant anything or was even real. It's a power play, which involves the guy basically getting all the power in the post-relationship struggles.
She's pissed right now because whether you realized it or not, you just took some power away from her.
Again, it had no bearing on her desire (or lack of desire) to get back with you.0