Should I message my ex after all this time?

So basically like 4 months ago I broke up with my ex even tho I didn't want too but I had to out of self respect. I felt he wasn't treating me the way I deserved to be treated and he at this point was not making the time to be with me and I'm a true believer in that you make time for the things you enjoy and find important.

When I broke up with him his reaction was like lets go on a break instead and I said no to that then he told me if I do this that he would never take me back. After that I went to go give back his things and he said we need to talk and try to work things out after that he said that since its summer time he wants to have his summer fun (which I think he was implying having fun with other girls) in response to that I just turned my back and walked away.

The last time I spoke to him was like 3 months ago when he called me cause he found out that his best friends and other friends hung out with me sometime during the summer. In this phone call he basically told me to get a life and that I was ruining his summer. I apologized to him through text even saying that I want things to be OK with us and I don't want him to be upset that I was hung with his friends and I don't want him to hate me and to which he replied "Don't worry I don't hate you to be honest I wasn't feeling you for a long time sweetie." and some other mean things and I don't know if he said that because he was mad.

This whole time I missed him and keep thinking about him and I feel a void in my heart. I've been contemplating messaging him. I thought by now I would get over the whole situation but I'm not. I have this feeling that I'm going to bump into him or something. I don't know if he's moved on or what. I just miss him so much


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You are basically me right now. I too broke up with my boyfriend 4 months ago for exactly the same reasons as you but I loved him to bits. It then went to summer and I went no contact. He said he was devastated, tried to contact me a couple of times and tell me how much he loved me, but I just could not ignore all the red flags.He begged me to stay friends because we were so close. 4 weeks later I see pictures of him and a new girl on Facebook. We still text a couple of times and then there was no contact.

    I text my ex boyfriend 3 months later just to be friendly and see how he was getting on with his new job and guess what no reply, even though he begged me to be friends.

    Now to your guy, he sounds a little mean and if you broke up with him (I know as someone who has done the same) that it is really hard and that we still love them and miss the closeness, but you have to accept it is over. Go through in your mind all the times you felt unhappy in the relationship and all the times you felt like breaking up with him. He does sound a little mean and to say he wants to fool around with other girls is disgusting. You broke up with him for perfectly legit reasons, if you'd stayed your friends and family would only say to you, 'why did you stay with him?'

    You could text him because it may give you a bit of closure, BUT word of caution, be prepared for no reply. If he doesn't reply you will know he has moved on, and you will have to do the same.

    I know it is hard, but we must be strong and move on. You will find someone that treats you like a princess one day, staying and taking that kind of crap would have been the biggest mistake.

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    • Yes you are so right! we must be strong and carry on even though I hate feeling empty and like something is missing, but these are the trials in life that make us stronger. Thank you for your answer :)

What Guys Said 1

  • So you saying you are regret to dumb him?

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What Girls Said 2

  • He just said those things to hurt you because him hearing about you having fun made him upset. He wants you to be miserable and hurt the way you hurt him when you broke up with him. It's good that you apologized but that's really his problem and not yours. The best thing to do is not talk to him. I'd at least give it six months. If y'all are going to be around each other in person via mutual friends, go ahead and attend and just greet him like normal. Don't go above and beyond with a hug or something if you're not usually a hugger to people who you're not friends with or people you don't know. If don't go out of your way to talk to him though. But be polite.

    If you're not going to see him in person, don't contact him. And don't necessarily message him after seeing him in person either. If you see him in person ever, be cordial and leave it where it was in person. You'll feel it when you guys are truly on good terms.

    Bottom line: don't contact him, just leave him alone and find distractions to go on with your life.

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  • Maybe you aren't really missing him but just hurting badly because he said harsh things to you (which would hurt anybody) and it shook you up... and now you want his validation that you aren't a bad person and he isn't walking around thinking bad things about you?

    I have been through that with an ex, I was confident in my decision to end it but he had so much hatred for me that I felt so bad, I got depressed, I even thought I wanted him back... and it was all because I didn't like knowing that another person was angry with me. I wasted a lot of time worrying about him when I should've been living my own life... by the way he eventually got over it and we were actually polite and nice to each other when we ran into each other a year and a half later.

    Maybe that's not what you mean though... sorry if I'm totally off base. Anyway it sounds like he doesn't want to have any contact with you so its probably best to leave him alone for awhile. He might just be even more mean if you text him now.

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    • This helped me as well, as I am in the same situation and its nice to see you became friendly again in the future. Hope that happens with me and my ex one day. :)

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