Weeding out manipulative people

I know this may be hard because I am only giving my side of the story, but I'll try to be objective. Recently, I had a friend text me about something in March. About how I made her book a groupon and then cancelled because I was busy. I don't remember this, but anyways it expired and she felt the need to text me about it. Then I said I don't remember this and why are you bringing it up now, then she said I got defensive and I said you're the one getting mad at me. Basically it ended with her telling me I was delusional. There was also a time when she told me that it was my fault her mother and her got into an argument when I called her (she was upset and I was trying to help)

I had a roommate like this too. She told me that since I was also a senior in college it was my fault she was slacking. I vented to her about a lot of stuff (that I probably shouldn't have). She vents too, and I listen and console. Her? Not so much I always got the vibe that she didn't care, especially when I gave good news (but again my POV) She then told me one day that she doesn't vent as much as I do. There was a moment when she was upset with herself and started bashing my career choices.She was also convinced that she knew everything, and when I told her the right answer she gave me a look like I was stupid (I would google it to make sure) and I would feel stupid.

Am I the one who's manipulative? How can I solve this problem? Usually I know who is trouble but for some reason I feel the need to get approval and I befriend these people. How can I change?


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What Guys Said 1

  • it seems to me that you just have some dramatic friends. friendships shouldn't be this way. It shouldn't be a constant push, pull. I don't necessarily think you are manipulative but it sounds like you maybe just are unable to let things be...either you need to prove your point or argue about why your point is valid and just.

    manipulative means...characterized by unscrupulous control of a situation or person.

    so perhaps in a way you are manipulative in the sense that you feel a need to control situations... I think ultimately you have to just let things go, let things be. Cede control of situations that don't necessarily demand to be controlled. Pick your battles; what's really important to fight over and what is relatively unimportant

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    • Thank you! So if I someone comes at me with these types of issues or accuses me of something. What should I do?

    • Also, I fight back because I am always being taken advantage of or walked all over. It's recently that I started to tell my friend off (I haven't spoken to or seen my roommate in a while so I never really confronted her) I don't know am I bad person? That's the question I have been struggling with.

    • pick your battles. if something is worth standing up for stand up for it. but certainly not everything is worth an argument...if the argument is over something that will result in you being seen in a bad light if you don't state your case, or if the issue is over something that may cause a person harm (emotionally, physically, etc) then maybe stand up and prove your point but otherwise gauge whether or not it is necessary to try and prove your point or better just to let it go

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