I am with the man I know I want to be with for as long as I can. He has all the qualities I look for in a man. However, his past is something I have not been able to get over. It's been 5 months since he told me how many girls he has slept with and I thought that by now I would gain enough confidence to deal with it and not have it taunt me every time I think about it. I'm 21 and I've slept with 6 people. He's 25 and has slept with over 16. I'm not used to dating men who have this high of a number. I am not one to care about how many people a person sleeps with. To each their own. But, when I am dating someone, it is very hard for me to feel confident in bed or at all when I have so much to be compared to. I feel like I'd be more OK with it if those "days" of his were years ago. But he admitted that his most recent ex had slept with over 25 guys. Now, imagine how great she must be in bed with all that experience. And she is definitely a looker. So in order for me to feel "good enough" for him, I have to overcome this. But I have tried so many things and nothing seems to be working. I'm at that point where I know that if this continues, it is going to haunt my relationship for as long as we are together. He's a wonderful guy. But knowing his ways is a lot for me to handle. He actually left a girl he was hooking up with to be with me. They weren't dating or anything but they definitely were having fun. So, his "ways" probably haven't really changed and it scares me. Help?
Advice on how to get over your partner's past?
What Guys Said 1
4 years in your 20s is a long time.
do you really think in 4 years YOU won't rack up 10 more partners?
you could argue that for a 21 year old girl, 6 is high.0
What Girls Said 1
First off: Experience doesn't always make someone better at something. There are people who had YEARS of experience playing a sport yet still weren't good enough to make it into the big leagues. One of my favorite choreographers, Kyle Hanagami, teaches all over the world, choreographs for Britney Spears, yet he didn't start dancing until he was IN COLLEGE. Whereas I've seen stiff, boring performances that aren't captivating by people who have been dancing since they could stand on two feet. Experience teaches you mentally, but whether you are humble enough to receive those lessons and at a cognitive level to where they can actually be applied; experience may have a minor impact sometimes. So you can't automatically believe that someone is going to be better than you just because they've had more experience especially when it comes to sex. Some people are so self-absorbed and overly concerned about their image that it's unrealistic for them to truly know how to please someone else sexually.
Now, you may get some over-sensitive people coming here crucifying you and saying you're being insecure, judgmental, or unreasonable. Ignore them. Chances are your question may have awoken their own insecurities they may have about their sexual past or they may assume you're some type of judgy a**hole and give you some huge preachy lecture.
Truth is...it's a tough situation. This over-sexed society has encouraged people to put their sex drive first even if it's not a healthy or wise situation. So, yeah I see where you're coming from, but at the end of the day; your man chose YOU not the damn near 30 other females he slept with. Be confident in that : )0
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