Does he still have feelings even though it's over?

This guy and I dated for a couple months and although it was short, we went through a lot. It being my fault, he initially left because I was in the wrong for juggling him and my dwindling but still existent relationship. When that ended in front of his face, he got really upset at me. Yes, I know that was wrong, but I do not seek judgment for my immorality. That aside, the guy left because he was hurt and upset that he was a rebound and felt I couldn't make a choice. He's a 21 year old Marine (not yet ever deployed). He left me in late September and has been more than distant. We saw each other once a few weeks after the break up and it did become a date night, but at the end he said a night like that couldn't happen again. Told me a lot of his feelings died when he witnessed my break up with the boyfriend. We went another 3 weeks not saying anything to each other.

This Halloween, I ended up going to his work (he's my younger brother's gymnastics coach), with my family since it was a kid's Halloween parade event. He eventually saw me as one of the bystanders and continued to look at me throughout the rest of the night from afar in the gym. He eventually came and awkwardly said hi at the end of the night. Every time he did look at me, I would look down. When he said hi, I gave a lukewarm smile and acted nonchalant.

Just a couple nights ago, he agreed to have dinner with my mom and younger brother since he's also my brother's math tutor. My mom had me join. I knew it would be awkward, but I joined anyway. IT WAS AWKWARD since he and I didn't exchange much words and my mom dominated the whole dinner conversation. Mom did see he snuck in times to look at me and would definitely look every time I got up to do something. I didn't say much because I was so nervous...

At one point, it was mentioned that he would be leaving in 3 months across the country for 6 months with the Marines. When that was said, we looked directly at each other with a lingering stare/eye contact and it was almost sad the eye contact connection I grabbed from him. No words were said, but the message I rcvd from him was "Ya...I'm really leaving home for awhile."

It later brought up that he and I should hit the neighboring bar together and he seemed game for it. However, when I didn't react to it, he changed his mood and said he was too tired to go anyway.

At the end of the night, I pinged him to grab coffee the next day and he kind of agreed to, but it was not definite. Today, he flaked and said he didn't have time since he was busy.

Would I be reading too much into it that he is not interested in being friends?

In reference to the main question, provided what happened...are there still feelings there?


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What Guys Said 1

  • I think both of you should just move on as adults.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I used to actually be married to a marine. I think that there is definitely still some interest there. If I were you, I would keep in touch with him while he is deployed. I am not quite sure when this post was originally written. Too late now. I am already answering it. LOL! If you really want this guy in your life you need to show more interest but do not go overboard. To me, the coffee thing was showing interest though too. He said no so that one is on him. I would let him make the next move. As I have told several of my friends in the past. It is sort of like tennis. You serve the ball and then wait for them to hit it back into your court and vice versa. You never keep serving the ball without the other person tossing one back to you. That is like serving them a ton of tennis balls at one time which would make anyone run. It is give and take. I hope that made sense... Since you suggested coffee last and he did not bite on that deal, you really do not have any choice but to wait him out now unless you want to appear as desperate or needy. Dating does suck and is very difficult at times and especially these days. Just go with what I said above and it will either work itself out or it won't. You cannot make someone like you, want to be with you or anything else for that matter. They have to decide that part. If he likes you enough. He will be back and I suggest you take the initiative to go out with him. However, do not drop your plans for him. I would make a plan and set a certain date. Your time is just as valuable as his is when he had plans and could not go out for coffee with you. Best of luck to you and I hope that everything has by now or does work out for the two of you. It will if it is meant to be.

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    • Hi thanks for your input. I'm not sure if I kind of ruined the friend thing though. He's obviously been on my mind a lot. When he flaked for coffee, I responded to him by saying, "I was hoping to see you for a bit today. I don't want things to be awkard and I enjoy your friendship." He said, "Sorry, I'm not trying to be awkward, I'm just busy today." My last line was "Well, to be honest I just hope we can be friends, but I'd get it if you don't want to." Was that too much?

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