What's in her head? Does she think she's not good enough, or am I friend-zoned?

There is this girl I have been friends with for a few years and I was visiting her on the weekend, and we ended having a lot to drink and ended up cuddling in bed. When I kissed her on the cheek, she shook her head and said, you'll regret this in the morning, so I backed off, but she pulled me closer and we we amorous... - But when she threw her leg around me, I told her I didn't want to let anything happen because she was so drunk. She accepted this and we cuddled a bit longer... Later on she says to me -- "You don't want a girl like me - Seriously, you don't want a girl like me... you need a nice girl...". Later on, I told her it seemed like she was protecting herself from falling in love, putting a shield up, and I recognized it, because I do it too. She acknowledged this.

She went to her bed to check some texts and I told her I needed to sleep, and she wanted me to stay with her... So I lay on the bed and held her hands, eventually falling asleep.

The following morning she tells me she can't remember much of the previous night, I recounted a few things she told me and she was horrified. - I told her that she wanted a lot of cuddling, but wasn't sure how easy it could have gone much much further.

She proceeds to tell me that (after a night of drinking) this good (male) friend of hers and her once slept together and she ended up in tears in the bathroom, and now they don't speak anymore.

There are a lot of other things, but, basically, over the last few years, and especially this weekend, she has been giving me SO MANY mixed signals, that I am left with the following questions for this community :

1. Could she possibly be interested in me, but be hesitant because she thinks that she'll be bad for me? That she's "not good enough" for me?

2. Should I tell he about what actually happened that night? An what almost happened? It may be drinking related problem and I worry about her safety.

I have missed a lot of details, but any advice/input is appreciated!

Cheers

Updates:
I messed up the 3rd paragraph, sorry - it should have read:


The following morning she tells me she can't remember much of the previous night, I recounted a few things she told me and she was horrified. - I did tell her that she wanted a lot of cuddling, but didn't tell her how amorous we got nor how it could have gone much much further.



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Most Helpful Girl

  • im going to give you the hard message, as this girl sounds a bit like me. If this girl really , really was into you, the words I am horrified would not be uttered after spending a night with you. Nevermind about being hurt in the past or putting up barriers to avoid being hurt, if she truly has feelings for you, she could overcome that,. I think she sees you as a friend and feels as we all do a bit lonely and wants someone close to us -she chose you as you don't pose a threat and you won't break her heart or use her for just sex. "you don't want a girl like me"- she is warning you- she will hurt you.

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    • yup.. I agree. youve put yourself in the friend zone and she is mixed up. you can be assertive and try to have her but be prepared for the worst

    • Could be, and I certainly don't want to walk into THAT situation again... :-|

      Thanks for your honesty. :)

What Girls Said 5

  • I don't think you are friend-zoned, but she's obviously very confused and vulnerable, though it's really hard to tell why. Maybe she was hurt in the past, or she's just letting her insecurities get the best of her, it could be that she is interested but is scared of losing your friendship if things don't work out between the two of you. And she probably did say those things just because she was drunk, but it's obviously something that goes trough her mind often, I highly doubt she just came up with those things in a moment of drunkenness. Her reaction the next morning was probably just out of embarrassment. You don't have to tell all details from that night, but you could mention some things, and then ask her why would she think you wouldn't want a girl like her, but tread delicately.

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    • Yes this has gone through my mind too... I did mention that she said "you don't want a girl like me" and that she wanted to cuddle a lot... You're probably right, there's probably just as much confusion from her end.

      The really odd part is that she and I are so similar (when we're not drinking) and we get along great, so there kind of is no topic that we shy away from. So I guess eventually it may come up. I'm probably over-thinking again. Thankyou for your answer!

  • ok. cuddling feels nice doesn't it? Especially if it's someone you're comfortable with. Does it mean they want to go out with you? No.

    If she gets drunk, sleeps with people, can't remember what she's done, yeah that's a worry, also take her at her word when she says - YOU DON'T A GIRL LIKE ME.

    that could be two things depending on how mixed up she is - it could be an invite to PROVE yourself or a direct warning that she knows she would not treat you well.

    Stay friends but anything more...proceed with extreme caution.

    Good luck

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  • I think that's just the alcohol talking, nothing more.

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    • Quite possibly yes. But there has been other things (while not drunk), she was glad that things didn't work out with a girl I visited recently in America, because she was worried that I would move away. There's been many other strange things that have happened that have left me with - "There is no way she would say that if she WASN'T interested", and other things that leave me with "There is no way she would say that if she WAS interested". It's confusing without the alcohol TBH. Thanks though!

    • If you're going to have another moment of spending together like this one, let your hearts do the talking, no alcohol please. What's wrong with being sober while talking about feelings?

  • It definitely doesn't seem like you're being friend-zoned. She's probably afraid of getting hurt because of past experiences. If you like her you should definitely tell her how you feel, but also make her feel secure while doing so.

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    • i donno, I think she's trying to friend zone him by what she said. she's trying to gently let him down

  • I think you should ask her how she feels about you two? How does she see you two, such as just friends?, possibly more?. That way you can see where you stand with her. Just be honest with her. Tell her that you get mixed signals from her and you just want to understand where you to stand.

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    • NO, bad advice.. this reeks of insecurity coming from a guy. If he needs to find out if she likes him before he shows himself, how could she like him at all? its weak

    • I've done this before (a few times) - it's never ended well... as jaegerffff said - it comes across as very insecure. I guess it's possible that this girl is different, but I'm not game to find out. Thankyou for your answer though. :)

    • :)

What Guys Said 2

  • WHAT THE F.UCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

    BRO, you screwed up by not making your move, you should have banged her in bed, by second guessing her "feelings" for you, you inadvertently put yourself in the friend zone, if a girl wants you in bed, she wants something more than just "cuddling."

    But when she threw her leg around me, I told her I didn't want to let anything happen because she was so drunk. She accepted this and we cuddled a bit longer... Later on she says to me -- "You don't want a girl like me - Seriously, you don't want a girl like me... you need a nice girl...". Later on, I told her it seemed like she was protecting herself from falling in love, putting a shield up

    Don't sit here like Mr. Love Doctor and be so sure of what is going on in her head, she will gladly agree with the whole "protecting herself" that you've projected outward. Don't spoon feed her stuff YOU want to hear. This chick WANTS D.ICK, and you're not giving it to her.

    IF YOU KEEP F.UCKING UP LIKE THIS, YOU'LL BE SUCH A GOOD FRIEND SHE'LL USE YOUR SHOULDER TO CRY ON WHEN SHE HUMPS SOME "FRIEND" OF HERS AND ENDS UP "CRYING" if that's what she even does, seems like she just wants to f.uck.

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    • Yeah I can appreciate this... I know it seems for a guy to not want to have sex the moment its thrown at him, but I couldn't allow myself to in this case... In the past I've been friend zoned by a girl who threw herself at me a few years ago. It's quite possible that this has already happened, and if it has, OK - I just would prefer to know... but promiscuity is not a trait I find attractive. Thanks for your answer! :)

  • One thing is certain: she's vulnerable! So take your time and see what's going on. Don't push things if you like/care for her.

    But I'd be really curious what was she going through, that made her cry after the night with the other guy. what was on her mind. didn't actually want to sleep with him or ?!

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    • I have been thinking just to let it ride out. The truth always all comes out in the long term - You're quite right - she is vulnerable, and I need to take it easy. Thankyou.

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