if there's a girl that you're clearly attracted to and hooking up with for a while that you like as a person and connect well with, why not date her? is there such thing as it truly being circumstantial? I've just heard guys say things like "i can't have a serious relationship right now because of work and school and I can't let anything distract me, etc." is that legit or is that bs? honestly
Most Helpful Guy
You are looking at this from a female perspective, where relationships are the priority, and not from the male perspective, where sex is the priority.
Relationships are a lower priority for men than sex, and this is never truer than when a guy is around college age, because at that age, he has the most freedom and the least responsibility he's ever likely to have, and he KNOWS IT, and intends to take full advantage of it, because he knows it won't last.
And right now, he's getting the sex he wants without the expectations and limitations that come with a relationship, so what is his motivation to change that arrangement?
His excuse is both true and BS. It's true in that relationships ARE a distraction, because in a relationship, your expectations of his time and attention would be much higher, so he'd have to sacrifice more to keep you happy. It's BS because if he WANTED a relationship, he would likely be able to make it work by being open and honest with you and setting expectations of his own (that he has to have time to study and work, etc.). You have to be honest, though: if he is going to college AND working, he won't have a ton of time for a relationship, and at some point, you'd want to feel like you were his "#1 priority", and right now, school (and work to stay in school) have to be his #1 priority.
The other thing is: in general, if a girl sleeps with a guy outside of a relationship, the guy will no longer respect the girl as "relationship material", because even if he likes her as a friend, and enjoys having sex with her, he will assume she's done this with other guys before, and will do it with other guys after, and so he won't feel he can trust her to be faithful in a relationship. Yes, there are occasionally exceptions to this rule, but overall, the rule is the truth.
This is why I tell girls all the time: if you want casual sex, that's just fine; you're an adult and you are perfectly allowed to make that decision. But, if you EVER think you might want a relationship with a particular guy, you must NEVER have sex with him UNTIL you get the relationship. If you have sex first, the relationship will almost never come.5