How to be upfront about not wanting to date a guy?

One of my acquaintances tried some matchmaking between one of his friends and me. This friend and I had then lunch together once, but I didn't feel any chemistry and I'm not interested.

Now he has asked me to go for lunch again. I don't want to be leading him on, but it also feels presumptious to say that I don't want to date, because officially, we are "just going for lunch".

How would you handle the situation?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • This might sound cliché, but being honest and upfront is probably your best option.

    He's probably in his 40's, so he's a big boy. He can handle it.

    You are also just in the introductory stage, so there's no real investment by either of you at this point. I don't think any hearts will be broken.

    I would suggest just telling him that you're not feeling the chemistry. Don't be too specific - like don't say he's not attractive enough, or he's too forward, or too rude. Be general, because you're not trying to hurt his feelings or insult him. It's perfectly normal to not be attracted to someone.

    I would also avoid doing this at lunch. If he thinks there is potential, he might take you to a nicer place and you'd have to deal with the awkward silence in a fancy restaurant. You might consider doing it on a casual meeting like coffee or over the phone. Don't text it to him. Nobody deserves that.

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What Guys Said 2

  • go to lunch with him. just make it clear during the course of lunch if he seems to be hinting at more than just being friends try to make clear that there is nothing more you are looking for, but I think that in your behavior he should be able to infer that you aren't interesting in things beyond friendship

    otherwise you just tell him..."i hope not being presumptuous in assuming this but I would hate to lead you on and since we are friends I want to avoid any potential conflict. I know our friends seem hell bent on setting us up but I think you and I are better as friends and I'd hate to lose that"

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  • It's rude to turn him town 'just going out for lunch.'

    But it would be OK to tell him at lunch that you won't go any further with him. If you want to soften the blow, you can use one of the usual lies, such as having someone else in mind right now.

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What Girls Said 1

  • i would tell him on a text that I want it as a friendshi thing. I would say "im glad found a great friend in you" or something like that.

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