Back to the drawing board. How do I start?

I have spent the last 2.5 years working to establish myself in my profession. I have worked very hard and, during that time, I haven't given any effort to dating. Now, I'm ready to begin dating again, but its been years since I've even asked a girl out. I have noticed that I have developed a social anxiety of sorts. Its been so long since I've gone out, that when I do, I find myself extremely nervous and uncomfortable. Online dating is not very popular where I live, so that is not much of an option.

How do I break this anxiety issue? How do I get back into dating? Where do I even start!?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think almost everyone gets nervous at the thought of going on dates and getting to know new people. Whoever you go out with is probably just as nervous as you.

    I thought I was the nervous one the last time but when we got to the stage of getting intimate I realized just how nervous he was. It's not a turn off it just triggers the compassion element of a relationship.

    So don't worry, it'll be fine. Or at least what's the worst that could happen!?! Just throw yourself into the deep end. If you see someone you like ask them out and don't take it personally if they say no. I rejected loads of guys because I was too nervous about dating. Rejection doesn't always mean they don't like you.

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What Girls Said 6

  • I am in the same boat as you. I walked away from the dating scene over a year ago to work on my life and get things together after a divorce. Now I am feeling like I want to date again, but when I think about it, I feel a tad nervous and keep finding reasons not to go out. I think we get into a "comfort zone" the older we get (and I am older!) However I do not need a professional because I know once I start seeing someone, I will be fine..but just like you..not sure how to get to that point either. Good luck..maybe just start going out with friends and take small steps.

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  • I agree with the anonymous user that you should talk to a professional. Despite the stigma it's not just for depressed or traumatized people! Many patients go to relieve anxiety, develop life skills, or just to chat. Try it out!

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  • Just take baby steps, go slow, talking to more people or even volunteering a tiny bit, going to church, small things for short periods of time and it will get easier.

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  • What kinds of places are you going to? I have to agree with FiveFingerBroFist.

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    • To be honest, I'm not a bar guy. I spend my free time in the outdoors hiking, fishing, etc. To attempt to be social, I go to coffee shops, and go out to eat alone once or twice a week. Sometimes I go to one of the local museums to see a new exhibit, or to the park to take a walk. It seems most people my age frequent bars, but I'm not much of a drinker. Where else would you recommend I go?

    • Maybe join an outdoors group or hiking group. Going out to eat alone won't do you much good. You may see someone you like but the you have to plan how you will strike up a conversation or even get their personal information. All of the places you're listing are my favorite places to go. So I see where you're coming from. I'd rather sit at Barnes and Noble than go party.

  • Try internet dating first. It's a good way to break in.

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  • maybe you should talk to a professional. I'm not trying to be funny, I'm serious. sometimes you just need to talk out problems

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What Guys Said 2

  • Come on everybody what is there really to worry about? Especially after reading all these QnA's on here. We see that both sexes have the same issues of non communication. So if you have or want something to say to somebody then say it. Are you really THAT sensitive that you cannot be turned down? Is it really that humiliating? I don't think it is that big of a deal. I have been denied before no problem there are 5 Billion women in this World I think your chances are pretty good that not all of them will say no.

    WE are ALL human nobody is better or worse than ANYBODY !

    Do you know how powerful the word "Hello" is? There is no science to it or mystical dating magic.

    Women/men we are interested in dating doesn't give them a different ability to talk to them as it is a family member.. They are still human lol MY GOD why make this so difficult.

    If you are not yourself then you shouldn't be dating !

    If you are comfortable talking to a store clerk then you are comfortable to talk to a potential date.

    Another tip: If you are going out just to find a date. then that is a bit creepy and will not work. just be yourself and make yourself available and DO NOT KILL a conversation before it starts just because you think they won't want you. That thinking is just plain foolish !

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  • Start small. Don't even try to think of getting a girlfriend as your main goal. Instead, aim for simply making friends with people. Soon everything will feel natural again and you'll even be able to build your own social network of friends. Once you're comfortable enough, you can take it to the next level...

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