Avoiding the question of/explaining inexperience?

I'm 20, and don't really have any sexual/dating experience (working through anxiety issues now). However, when I do get around the anxiety, develop interests, get a consistent group of friends, and become my confident self again, I really do need to get this experience, as I'm not getting any younger. The one question that really has me worried is when the experience question comes up on a date. If I avoid it, she's gonna get suspicious. If I try to explain it, I feel like it's going to be like disclosing a felony to an employer, ergo instant and absolute deal breaker. Either way, she'll find out in bed. What are my options? Do I try to find a girl who doesn't care (need A LOT of luck to find this, very few girls want to play "teacher") or do I cover it up/make up a story?


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What Guys Said 2

  • honesty is the best policy because as you said if you do get to the intimacy stage they are going to find out pretty soon that you are inexperienced.

    I think you presume that it's an absolute deal breaker but it's not really. sure some girls arent' interested in a person who is a virgin or inexperienced but plenty of women would appreciate that you are discrete in your choices and aren't just sleeping with anyone. they might even feel special/flattered that you would consider them a choice since you may appear to be selective in your partners

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    • Honesty is always good, but what if they see you as "not fun" and "innocent"? I feel like most girls want a thrill, and "innocent" isn't going to provide that for them. Also it may make me look and sound creepy. How do I show them that I'm not threatening but that I'm also exciting and a thrill to be with?

    • Dude seriously chill the F out! If you're worried about anyone thinking you're creepy then you probably are. Learn to accept thyself and move forward. Being negative about it is not going to get you anywhere. And if you are a negative person then admit and stop trying to be something you're not. But talking like this is really very lame.

      By the way, this is a reply to the question asker not answerer.

    • you're truly overanalyzing the situation. you assume that there is a standard expectation in women but there isn't. Everyone is different. If a girl is seeking things you can't provide then she may not be the woman for you but that woman is out there. You seem to forget that everyone either is or was a virgin at some point. and losing one's virginity doesn't mean that you are suddenly on some path of thrill seeking.

      you're over analyzing and I guarantee it affects your interactions

  • You're like me. You're thinking waaaaaaay too much in to it. I know it's hard having anxiety and all but try to relax and just enjoy the moment. If that question comes up just kid about it and be done with it. You don't have to say anything, and as a matter of fact it's never could having such a loose tongue on a first, second, or even third date.

    Sex usually for most people doesn't enter the picture until trust is established. Unless you're both totally on fire for each other I wouldn't put too much thought in to it if I were you.

    It's best just to allow life to happen and react based the current situation. Otherwise you will scare yourself away from living at all!

    -Cheers.

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    • What about our society's rule on "gotta have sex by the third date"? It's like the pattern in relationships is becoming "sex first, ask questions second".

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    • Yeah, I've kinda been thinking that the urge to please people and fit in may be the real culprit...I just want to be who I really am I guess, just extroverted not introverted

    • It's all part of the struggle of finding yourself. Been there in my early 20's, so I know all about it. For me it lasted till I was about 27 and then I started to calm down a little. Fitting in is for sheep, don't be a sheep ;) Be a shepherd!

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