So I met this guy Feb this year, I'm 32, he's 37 divorced and has a kid. We've seen each other sporadically over the year (I was in another country for 1.5 months). From the beginning he established he was very busy (2 jobs/child) and was not looking to get serious right away but didn't want it to be just about sex either(we became intimate early on). I agreed to not rush and take it slow to see how things developed. But I have developed feelings and want more and I don't know how he really feels. We've never discussed this beyond "I like you".
The problem is I have developed feelings and want more and I don't know how he really feels. We've never discussed this beyond "I like you". And 2 dates ago (a month ago) he admitted he was sleeping with someone else as well...I admitted I had slept with another guy but that it had just been once.
Here's more info:
1. He never calls, only texts
2. Sometimes he drops off from the convo and I don't hear from him until hrs, days, wks later (the most has been 4 wks)
3. He used to initiate contact more but lately it seems like I'm the one who initiates the texts
4. We've only been on like 6 real dates & we are intimate every time
5. Tells me I'm beautiful, says he loves my personality and enjoys my company not just the sex (both in text and person)
6. In person he holds my hand, shows PDA, asks me to spend the entire night and cuddles(holds me all night) & generally acts like I'm the only woman in the world
7. He's mentioned on several occasions that once he quits his 2nd job, which should be at the end of this year, he'll have more time to take me out on dates more often
This last time I initiated contact after a month and he said he thought I had forgotten about him and he assumed I had gotten serious with the other guy. He said he was glad we were texting again and we went on another date. I noticed one behavior was very different this time around. He kept taking his phone with him whenever he would leave the room, he even took it into the bathroom when he got up to shower. He had never done this before and I have never snooped.
I know he is still "seeing" some"one" or others because a friend of mine happened to see him on a date with someone earlier this month. He doesn't know I know this.
Also, he lied about having an active FB page. I've brought up his lack of having an account on a few occasions and he has yet to admit to having one.
My girlfriends think I should move on at this point and I'm almost leaning that way but I wanted some feedback because I've only ever been in long term relationships and this is the first time I've ever really "dated".
Most Helpful Guy
Here are my thoughts...
1) Any guy that's into a girl will crawl through a sewer to get at her... so if he's not blowing up your phone, or at least consistently escalating more dates, more intimacy, etc, then he's just not that into you.
And I get that sometimes we like to take things slow, which is true. But slow means only seeing you a few times a week, not dropping the conversation for weeks at a time.
It might seem confusing that he acts interested when you're together, but it's not. When he's with you he likely really enjoys himself. And why wouldn't he? You're great right? And guys like sex, right?
But if he wanted more than that he would have shown you by now.
2) Your FEELINGS seem to matter, but they don't. What matters is what's best for you. WAY too many women chase guys who aren't really interested just because they FEEL attraction for him.
But he's junk food. Tastes great, leaves you feeling empty and hungry for more, but ultimately is BAD for you. Not because he's a bad guy necessarily, but because he's not that interested.
It's okay to love someone, or to be attracted to them, WITHOUT being WITH them. Too many abused women don't seem to get this, and too many broken heart guys waste time chasing their feelings instead of seeing the logic.
3) The relationships that last require SELECTION and CONNECTION.
It's your job EARLY in the dating game to select wisely. IF you choose a guy who's only luke warm about you then you're just making friends with someone who's likely to get bored down the road when things get more challenging.
BUT if you choose a guy who's your BIGGEST FAN then he's going to stick around no matter what challenges the relationship brings.
If you MUST see where this is going then it's time to press the issue. Normally it's not a great move to bring up the "so where do we stand" conversation until he wants to, but you've been dating for months and you're already having sex so everything is now open for conversation.
Next time you're having dinner perhaps you can just ask him. Maybe something like, "Hey John, I always really enjoy my time with you! But I think we need to either progress this relationship or let it go. I'm no longer just looking to just hang out, I'm looking for someone more serious. You seem to have what I'm looking for but I know you're distracted with life and such. Let's figure this out together... should we try to make something out of us, or am I wasting our time?"
The key is to be honest and vulnerable, not angry or judgemental. Know what I mean?
If he's a good catch he'll be honest and open too and you'll figure things out.
My guess sis you're wasting your time on this one dude. :(
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