Does the chase really matter?

Do guys really want to chase the girl? With regards to texting, should a girl text first? I've been in a relationship for 2 months now and my boyfriend works 10 hours a day. So usually I initiate most of the time. I usually wait 3-5 days before I text him.

Sometimes I text just to say hi and sometimes I play games with him such as 'Truth or Dare'. He says I'm mysterious sometimes and he likes it. But I don't know if I'm damaging our relationship if I initiate most of the time. I fear he is not interested anymore.

I've been browsing some dating websites and they all say that a guy should text first, otherwise it kills attraction. They even say that if he doesn't text just ignore him and move on to the next guy. But is it really worth it if I really like him! Shall I wait more than a week to see if he texts back? Or will he think I'm not interested?

Guys what do you think about the following websites and what the 'experts' have to say? Are they right? I personally don't follow their advice:

1. link

2 . link

3. link

Thank you. I really need your opinions and not just the 'experts'.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Link 3: I'm sorry, but why on earth would you take dating advice from a haggard overweight woman who's sitting in a tiny place like that? And if she actually has hands on experience with texting, that means she's a *single* haggard overweight woman who couldn't get a guy when she was young and decent looking, now she's a fat haggard looking 45 year old woman trying to hit on old men at Ace's Hardware.

    It's like, when I ask dating advice--do I go to the guys who are married or have a hot girlfriend or pick up women every week, or do I go to the table of the Dungeons and Dragons nerds and ask them?

    Texting a guy first is absolutely fine, and I'd advise you to do so for several reasons.

    1. Rules are different today. Guys expect women to show interest. Never texting first is fine if you're in high school and dealing with inexperienced guys who get crushes. If you're older than that? Guys learn quickly that 'chasing' women is not beneficial, majority of the time, because if you have to chase her, you're wasting your time.

    2. If you're dealing with a good looking guy who isn't desperate, and you never text first, or do enough to show interest--unless you look like Aphrodite in the flesh, you'll get nexted. Why? Because guys who are good looking get told often they're good looking, and they don't feel like, "OMG, I have to keep texting her, she's an amazing woman one of a kind!"

    3. Again, I can't state this strongly enough. Men who are college age or above know good and well that if a woman is attracted to them, then there isn't going to be much of a chase, and the woman will demonstrate plenty of interest. Let me give you an example.

    When I started college, I tried "chasing" a cute classmate. She did very little to show interest back, and I chased. It ended badly. She wasn't attracted, because I didn't have enough game, or I was close enough to her type, though she complimented me multiple times on my looks in our interactions.

    Later, another class, a classmate was interested in me. She flirted with me, showed interest. She played a little bit of games, and I withdrew any interest I was showing. Then she suddenly wanted to chat, I avoided her, she sent a note with a friend giving me her number, and when I texted her, and asked to be FWB's.

    Lessons learned?

    1. Pursuing or showing a lot of interest will kill your chances.

    2. Making women chase you makes them want you.

    3. If a woman is interested, she'll go out of her way for you--otherwise, why waste your time?

    Now, do you think I'm special? There's tens of millions of young men who learned the same lessons their own way, the men you're interested in dating.

    Now, do you really want to try the "I never text first" game on those men after they learned so firmly that means "I'm not interested, bug off"?


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What Guys Said 8

  • I saw a study that once revealed that experts we're wrong about their predictions 2 out of 3 times. So it just goes to show that 'experts' are not necessarily experts. Especially not if they have a blog. Take everything with a grain of salt, even advice from people on this site.

    Personally I like to know when a girl likes me. I want my Girlfriend to show she cares and texts me. If I'm into her she should show she cares, or else I'll think there's no point in wasting my time. Of course there's a difference between showing you care vs smothering, but it's easy to know where that line is. Just don't text me 100 times during the day, unless we're in a conversation and it's going back and forth.

    I hate games like what you mentioned. Just do what you feel is right. If he loses interest it isn't because you sent him a text versus waiting for one. It's because he's just not that into you. If he is, then you have nothing to worry about. Just be yourself, don't try to fit into what you think is the ideal girlfriend.

  • hahahha listening to that 'pro texter' shit is f'n retarded. I can't believe people made books on spoon feeding people that garbage.

    My cell phone is not my life, like a lot of girls treat their phones as. Mines 'always' on silent. Doesn't matter if you're my girlfriend, family member or best friend. I'll sometimes take a few hours to text back or I could text back right away. Depends on what I'm doing and if I care to interact with anyone at the moment. Sometimes I'll miss your text and not even reply till the next day. But to deliberately not text back for several days on purpose is just playing games and is extremely annoying.

    If any girl I start talking to exhibits any chase games or making it so we have to hit you up first is annoying and I'll move along to someone who actually wants to show me they care.

  • I read like hardly any of those. 1. Because I don't agree. I don't think there are "Rules" when it comes to dating. Seriously, when are we going to learn that people are individuals (for instance I could say one thing to a girl and her reaction would be to laugh and go with it, while if I would have said that same thing to another I would have ended up with a painful slap)?

    The chick in the video was gross.

    Just be honest with him. Sure make him wait a bit, so don't pull out the big guns, but for me, I need a girl to keep initiating. This way , I know that she's interested. Best of luck.

  • We like a chase, but only to a point. You have to give us a prize at the end. But all that garbage that says that there's "rules" to dating are outdated, retarded or both. The only "rule" you have to worry about is what works for you guys and only the two of you can answer that.

    As far as him not texting you first, he works 10 hours a day. From working a 12 hour shift, 5 days a week I can tell you how exhausting that is. If he isn't interested in you, he wouldn't bother responding.

    So relax and enjoy what time you get with him.

  • i'd rather get straight to the point, I hate mind games and chasing

  • I don't waste any time on girls who thinks they are some glorious prize that needs to be earned.

    You can play that game but I won't be joining you lol

  • if it's working for you guys then why try to fix it?

  • I think it's great when girls text first. So many girls sit around and do absolutely nothing and that couldn't be any worse


What Girls Said 4

  • I wouldn't put too much stock into sites like that, they mostly just want to make money off of other people's desperation. I do, however, think it's strange if you always have to be the one to initiate contact. I've always felt that texting or calling should be reciprocal, sometimes he might text you first and sometimes you might text him first. It shows that you're both invested in the relationship. If you find yourself not hearing from him for 3-5 days consistently then that's probably not a good sign.

  • Three to five days is a long time to wait to text your boyfriend in my opinion. It's not like you guys have just started to get to know each other you are already dating. When I am into a guy I like to talk to him everyday and I could care less who initiates it Don't think too much of it you know he is into you if he is dating you. Just text him or call him. I couldn't go more than a day without talking to my man

    • I agree. I'd want my girlfriend to text me more than just 3-5 days. I would just think she's not into me, it wouldn't make me want her more.

  • He's your boyfriend but constantly goes days without talking? Ten hours isn't that crazy. Unfortunately I would be concerned.

  • I think the best thing to do, if you don't want play games, or be the pawn of one, or even be sitting around wondering like your doing is to be straight forward with him as much as possibly. Be the example of how you yourself want to be treated. You want to know if he's truly into you, right? Thentell him that your really into him and hope this goes somewhere otherwise your both just wasting time. If you want him to contact you more, then contact him more. Three to five days is a bit of a waiting period (in this one woman's opinion). Do I believe in the 'experts'? No. Do they perhaps have a tinny tiny point to make. Sure, but there is no rule(s) that apply all. Or even to a majority. Because there is no majority when it comes to dating. If a call text/calls you a lot, does it suggest he likes you? Yes, but it may also suggest that he just has a bad case of blue balls. And if he's not contacting you, does that suggest he not into? Sometimes. But assumptions only lead to trouble! It could be that he's used to you setting the pace, or a myriad of other reasons. So ask! Mature guys will respect a girls directness.