My dad treats me like I'm 12.

Okay so I need advice.

I'm a high school student and I like someone. He and I have been hanging out quite frequently lately. We want to hang out again tomorrow, but we would be alone (obviously with my family around in the house and we would be in the living room). It sounds like no big deal but every time we hung out prior to, we were with other people.

My father treats me as if I am 12, though. He said that I'm just a kid and I can start dating once I'm in college. He started dating at 13. My mother started at 14. The guy and I would probably only be playing video games and it would be completely innocent. I don't understand why he's so against me being alone in an open area with the opposite sex. He's acting as though the guy wants to get into my pants and it offends me that my dad:

1) Thinks I'm stupid enough to do that at my age

and 2) thinks that every guy is a dog.

Not to mention he's unfair.

This other guy (who I only see as a friend) is allowed to come and go as he pleases. He likes me, makes perverted comments and basically tries to cuddle with me even though I stop him, but he LOOKS wimpy so my dad doesn't see this. Where as the guy I actually do like is completely respectful, makes playing teasing comments and the most we've done is sit on the couch and share a blanket (sharing it across our laps, too. not even around the shoulders)

WHY IS HE ACTING LIKE THIS?

WHAT DO I DO TO GET IT THROUGH HIS HEAD THAT IT COMPLETELY NORMAL FOR ME TO HANG OUT WITH A GUY THAT I LIKE?

HOW TO I GET HIM TO UNDERSTAND THAT THE GUY AND I ARE BEING COMPLETELY INNOCENT?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • This is normal. Your dad hasn't quite gotten used to the idea of you dating yet, so this transition phase will be very annoying for you. He's just being overprotective and trying to hold on to his little girl. But don't worry, he'll get used to the idea in a few years.

    I know you know you're not stupid enough to do anything with a boy right now, but your dad doesn't know that. My guess is that he's suspicious of teenage boys because he WAS once a teenage boy. In his mind, he's protecting you against his past self, who more than likely manipulated naive teenage girls into his pants once or twice.

    My advice is to approach him as calmly and maturely as you can. Tell him that this boy is a good student (assuming he is), that he treats you very respectfully, and that all you want to do is play video games. Add that you respect your body enough to not do anything stupid at your age, and invite your dad to join you in the living room whenever he wants (it's annoying, but you want him to trust you).

    Also, avoid saying it's not fair and that they both started dating younger than you are now. Bottom line is they're your parents and they're just looking out for your best interests, even if that means they're overprotective every once in a while. The only way you'll get them to relax is to show them you're smarter and more mature than the average 16 year old girl.

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What Guys Said 9

  • Dads can be a little over protective to their daughters, but one way to try and get him to trust you and this guy is to have it out with him, tell him that he needs to start trusting you, because by not trusting you, doesn't he think that all that is going to do is make you want to rebel and do the very thing he is trying to protect you from? because although what your father is doing isn't wrong, I understand that you need a little encouragement to become mature, and only by trusting you in these things will allow that to happen, so he could benefit by throwing you some slack now and then, and not being some sort of dictator, and being a dad again, and of course, your friend again,x

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  • Rather normal. Overprotective... those dads-of-girls are a race apart.

    From his (and your) reactions I suppose you have no older sister who has won that battle already or that she's a lot older than you. (or that you gave some trouble in the past, hanging out a bit too much)

    Your dad remembers how HE was at 13-18, with an always instant boner, remembers what HE has done (or what HE wanted/tried/hoped to do)

    He KNOWS your friend isn't that much different, that your friend isn't as innocent as you think.

    -YOU can't change your dad, your mom might take your defense. Try to get her to like the guy. It helps.

    -Try to get HIM to like the guy. It helps.

    Btw, an perfect example: my wife and I were 25 when we married. We had met at 20 and traveled together to Paris, Marseilles, Italy etc, sharing rooms and beds for nearly five years.

    She had lived 7 years in other towns, in her own rented studios, 100% free.

    The day before our marriage, we were at the house of my parents in law. nice talk, plans etc, everybody smiling and happy. When the evening ended, instead of going to the guestroom, I went straight to my wife's room. Then my father in law stepped in front of me and said: "Anywhere, but NOT in my house!"

    We were both 25, knew each other since 5 yrs, had sex since 4 yrs, we were to marry 12 hours later. Yes, he too had done lots of things before marriage, we knew that from my mother in law. He had cheated on her too.

    I slept in the guestroom that night.

    Those dads-of-girls are a race apart.

    Btw, we're still happily married. He cheated again on his wife. She didn't divorce.

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    • Hahaha love your story!

    • A co worker of my wife has two daughters. He nearly got a nervous breakdown during their puberty, trying to keep them 'pure little daddy's girls'. :D

      He didn't really succeed.

    • Yeah girls can be very hard to handle during their puberty. They transform from sweet little girls to sassy hormonal monsters haha. My dad had trouble too. :P

  • He will always see you as his little girl and knows that the guy your seeing wants to get in your pants even if he does not say it. Try talking to you dad about it or just put up with it you don't have many other options.

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  • Well there are a lot of guys who want to have sex with a girl and it is difficult to tell them apart and to know their true intentions... and most fathers don't want their daughter sleeping around at a young age which is only really a possibility when you spend time alone with a guy.

    Have you told your dad how you feel like in your post here? It sounds like the two of you could have a good talk and try to get on the same page or find some common ground.

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  • I dunno, 12 and 16 pretty much are the same. Only difference is your body is more physically mature. Clearly your mentality isn't if you can't understand why your dad is doing this.

    And don't bring up the fact your parents dated at younger ages. 1. times are different and 2. hypocrisy doesn't invalidate some one.

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    • Well, actually 12 and 16 aren't the same physically OR mentally, so I'll be ignoring your comment since you're an idiot.

    • Show All
    • lmao! Cheesesteak, her brain isn't developed enough for the capacity to be objective in regards to life's experience. Young people know everything and must learn the hard way, sometimes.

    • It's funny because it's proven.

      12 and 16 are not the same, in anyway.

      Are either completely developed? No, but neither is an 18 and a 20 year old. 16 is not fully developed and obviously I know this. But 12 and 16 are not "the same"; you're an idiot.

  • It would help if you posted your actual age. But regardless. you're in high school. It would be better to just start dating in college like your dad said. If the guy you like really likes you and cares about you, then he would be willing to wait until college, at least. You should concentrate on getting a job or career going for yourself. That way, you will be more prepared when having a relationship with a guy in the real world on your own. Watch the "Steve Wilkos" show. 7 times out of 10, it will be about a high school girl that got pregnant or wants to get pregnant with a guy. Same difference, although I'm guessing your not pregnant nor are you trying to be. Lesson to learn here: be patient and wait until you go to college and get a job before you date.

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  • It's his house, EVERY guy your age DOES want to get in a girls pants, when he was your age and other people in his generation were your age they were more mature, he is protective of you because he loves you and over time if this guy earns your dad's respect he will then be able to spend more time with you. Just wait till you have kids.

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  • Listen up,

    From an evolutionary standpoint, men are biased because we want to spread our seed, and are protective of other unproven males attempting to seed their sperm in our territory.

    From my standpoint however, he should let you do what you want. Women will do what they want and are good at hiding things.

    He might as well get you two a hotel room and protection, you want it and will get it regardless.

    May as well be in control of the inevitable.

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  • If I was a dad I wouldn't be confortable either and colege is really when your in an adult hood. Your still daddy little girls which is a good thing and that he loves you and looking out for you.

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What Girls Said 2

  • You're his baby girl. It doesn't matter if you're 7, 16, or 32, you'll still be that 20 something inch baby he held and fed bottles to.

    And I promise that boy - even if you're playing video games - IS thinking he wants in your pants.

    16 still is young. I was 16 and all I wanted to do was hang out with this one boy and my parents were like, "Oh HELL no!" And we were miserable when we tried to disobey them. When I turned 18 my parents finally okayed the dating and that same guy and I went out and two years later, here we are.

    As for your other guy situation...your dad probably KNOWS you don't like the other guy and won't let him do anything so that's good. He KNOWS you like this other guy and he KNOWS how persuasive guys can be so he just wants to prevent any chance of anything happening.

    Your dad gets good father points as far as I'm concerned.

    Maybe in a few years he'll lighten up. And if that guy of yours really likes you, he'll stick around.

    It's not what you want to hear, I know, but there you go.

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  • He's just trying to be a good dad. And plus your his little girl, no father likes the thought of daughter doing sexual things with some horny teenage guy. And that's probably all he's able to think of when he hears that guy and you together. This can lead to irrational thinking and actions which your dad does. At least he cares and just wants to protect you from the bad guys. He probably thinks that all guys are dogs because he was once a dog too! Be happy that your dad is there for you because a lot of dads aren't. I would bring the guy you like over for dinner sometime so your dad will get to know him.

    And I understand what you mean about your dad being bias. Be cause my dad for like 2 months was trying to convince my sister to date his guy she went to prom with. The guy was Asian and really smart. Basically my dad's dream son (it's just me and my older sister and its been 18 years and my dad is still getting over the devastation of never having a son). But he HATES my sister best guy friend, who I think is gay, by the way. I think its because the kid is white...

    I know my dad is bias because he's racist, even though he says he's fine with we marrying any race.

    I think your father is bias because he thinks the dude you like will hurt you more easily because he's good looking and you like him, but the weaker won't be able to hurt as much because he's less good looking and you don't like him too.

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