Have you ever dated someone longer then you should have?

DId you ever date someone you knew wasn't right for you but you still continued to date them? What were your reasons?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yes, I went a long time between girlfriends and when I found someone new I didn't want it to end because I remember feeling alone between the two girlfriends and I felt like I could convince myself to love someone but I couldn't.

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    • I agree with you, this is also the situation I find myself in

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    • yeah :(

    • I think that you are only hurting yourself more in the long run. I know what it feels like and trust me it is a terrible feeling of being alone but being in a relationship where you don't have feelings for the other person can be just as bad because you feel like you have to pretend to care about them to make them feel like you care. But you know long term you don't want to be with them.

What Guys Said 7

  • For shizzle, and for hoping they'd change. Every time.

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  • No. When I think I've dated someone long enough, I dump them. I don't base relationships off of how long I've dated them. When I think things aren't going the direction I think it should, I talk it over with my partner. If it persists, I dump them.

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  • Hmm.. maybe.. but only because I'm stubborn and persistent. I'm the type of person who will always try to make something work. It took me a while to realize that if you have to force two magnets of the same poles together then you shouldn't be together to begin with. The moment when you either feel you have to make things work or you don't care enough to work on things then the relationship is already over.

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  • ya once for a few months, I was young and stupid.

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  • Omg, twice.

    First time, I swore I'd never do it again...

    I tried breaking it off """"hard"""" but she wouldn't let go.

    Should've been a stone cold killer and left it.

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  • Yes... They keep giving me sex

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  • Yes. I was too silly to recognise she was incompatible. I shrugged off the signs as being, we're so different, that being together becomes refreshing! She is everything that I was not!

    Needless to say, we were too different. Our personalities are different, our level of passion was different, we had different visions of our future, our interests barely overlapped, and we were not even geographically convenient to each other.

    It was a relationship that should have ended in a month, but it was my first, and I was foolishly waiting for an answer that would never come. We broke up without much fuss 3 months later. The relationship was so dead that none of us really felt anything, not regret, disappointment, and not even relief. It was pretty bad really.

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What Girls Said 9

  • Yes, hoping that things would get better and we would be able to work it out, or that problems would go away.

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  • I thought I loved him.

    I thought putting up with everything he did to me, was what you did when it was love.

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  • I stayed with my ex 2 years longer than I should have. He treated me like crap and I stayed with him hoping he'd change back into the nice guy he seemed to be in the beginning. Although I feel stupid for staying with him as long as I did I don't really regret it because if things didn't work out exactly the way they did then I may not have the amazing boyfriend that I do today :)

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  • I'd say I did that with both of my serious relationships.

    The first relationship was just unhealthy, and I mistook conflict for passion. As with a lot of first "loves", the relationship was toxic and not good for either of us.

    The second relationship was more complicated. He was a great guy and we worked really well together, but I just wasn't ready for a serious commitment. I tried to persuade myself otherwise and ended up hurting us both.

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  • My friend has been in a relationship like that for a year now. She's gotten rid of most of his friends. He's doing it for sex.

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  • Nope, I try not to date, if I know that a relationship won't work out I avoid it.

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  • Probably almost all the guys I've dated. I tend to get stuck in a thought process of "better the devil you know". I subconsciously try to avoid having to go through the whole getting to know someone process again. I'm shy/anxious and this puts me on edge. I'm this way with friends as well. Once someone gets close they'd have to do something really bad for me to walk away and even at that they'd always have a part of me.

    There's also another side to it that I'm developing as I get older and that is that I don't like not having a man in my life. In some situations I will start something with the wrong person but make it clear from the start that it will never be serious, just two consenting adults. Even in that scenario if they don't treat me with respect they're gone. And that's a lot easier to walk away from.

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  • No. I knew he was "the one".

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  • yes. I dated him on and off for a long time.

    I rationalized it because he wasn't my boyfriend so I wasn't missing out on other opportunities. This is true, but I got very attached to him and it just ended up hurting myself.

    He didn't take me seriously, he was narcissistic and hurt my self esteem.

    Why did I continue?

    Because I liked the thrill, I have an extremely busy academic life which does not allow me to meet guys easily, he works in my field so he was also someone who I could ask for advice. Something about him was sexy and really turned me on. And I was lonely.

    This plus low self esteem=disaster.

    At first he wasn't so bad but his behavior got much worse and he started to make me feel like a used rag doll. Like I had no feelings, needs, or desires. Only his mattered. He was very narcissistic. At first he hurt my self esteem but I realized that I am letting him do this and I deserve so much better, and the pain and unhappiness he caused me STRONGLY outweighed the few breadcrumbs of pleasure and excitement here and there. He gave me so little that I was single and even LONELIER than I was not dating anyone at all, because he depleted my self worth and happiness, played mind games, kept me hanging, drama. I felt manipulated and used to the point that I wasn't comfortable with myself.

    And finally after a long game of mind hockey and hiding him from my friends because they all told me "cut him out" for ages, I finally put the devil to rest. It's been a month after months of on and off for a period of more than a year. But this time, I was the one to let him go. And so I know I won't turn back. It feels so good now. I will never let someone treat me that way again. He was a total narcissist and jerk. I deserve so much better and I am actually ashamed I let myself go through that.

    When you date people like this, it is hard to walk away until YOU are ready because they are master manipulators and catch you in a spell. So until YOU get tired of it and feel ready to break away, they will always get you back.

    Luckily I walked away before he did any irreparable harm. In the end, though it took longer than it should have, I learned my lesson in a way that I won't repeat my mistake.

    Dignity JUST intact.

    Sorry for that rant, haha. Anyhow the bottom line is if there is no future it's pretty dumb not to cut it off. Even if you are lonely, or horny, it's not really worth it. Feelings happen. It will just fuck with your mind and self esteem and make you feel worse.

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