If someone calls themselves ugly, how are they shallow?

I've never made fun of anyone for their appearance. I don't go for guys on looks alone. And yet, someone told me last night that I am the most shallow woman ever because I called MYSELF ugly. No one else. I didn't insult anyone else except myself.

The only way a person can be shallow is if they only go for looks, or money, or something else. Shallow is when someone judges OTHER PEOPLE for their looks or money or whatever.

I found that to be the most insulting thing ever. The only reason I said I was ugly was because someone asked why I wouldn't go for this hot guy at the bar. I answered: "I am way to ugly for a guy like him, he deserves better. I don't date at all." I haven't been on a date in five years. And then my friends boyfriend called me shallow.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • No not really.

    Btw I saw the links you posted in other comments of yourself and you're definitely not ugly. It's not like you have pimples on every square inch of your face or excessive facial hair. From the looks of it you have no manly features. Were all judgmental and have our preferences in people of interest. It's people out there that have it way worse than you,; people who have defects they have to live with forever and then there's you. A woman with nothing wrong her besides the way she perceives her physical appearance. The only reason you're like this is because of your past experiences with guys you obviously found attractive and ended up bad. So now you've convinced yourself unworthy of any man because you couldn't get what you wanted before.

    If you truly want to be alone forever then whatever, but if deep down if there's any chance that you really want to date again, then you won't find anyone with your mindset. How could a guy love you for who you are if you don't? It just wouldn't work.

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    • It wasn't that I went for guys I couldn't have. I've never asked a guy out. I got told that I look like a guy most of my life. My mother doesn't like that I look similar to my dad. In High School guys told me I was ugly. Friends set me up in college and guys weren't interestrd. So the only thong that makes sense is my family is right. I look like a man. My father. Parents don't say that stuff unless it's true.

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    • and to top it all of small ears that make my head appearing even bigger lol. what a combination). All I can say is that your attitude is hindering you, not your looks.

    • Yeah but it wasn't just school bullying. It was family who still does to this day. I think if it had been only school mates I would be fine. However not only did I hear it at school but at home. A mother would never tell a child they're ugly unless it's true. She tells me all the time that my face is too much pf a reminder of my dad. It bothers her to have that reminder. So I can't love my face if she doesn't.

What Guys Said 1

  • The heck? Well its unfortunate that you hold yourself in a low regard..But that does not mean your shallow.. What was your friends guy thinking? Heck, I don't think I'm good looking at all, and if someone calls me shallow cause of it, they would have to be abusing drugs.

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What Girls Said 6

  • Well, a person can be shallow if they only care about how they look and not their character.. but I think true shallow people judge others and themselves by those same standards.

    Just like you know other people are more than just a face and body you should see that you're more than that too.

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    • I do, I just don't think I am dateable. There are other good things about me that I know about. I am a good friend, and I am loyal. I am a good aunt and sister. I am a good daughter. I am a good worker. I help out people when they need me to. I just decided that there is too much stress when it comes to dating, so I stopped. I'm just realistic about my looks. Why should I expect to get a hot guy when I am below average? Going for a hot guy would be more shallow than not going for him.

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    • True in a way, but even my mother says it. She doesn't say I look like a man, but more like exactly like my father. And she hates my father. He died when I was little but she never wanted to be with him. She only married him because she got pregnant with me. He was supposed to be a fling but she hated her whole relationship with him. She says she hates seeing the reminder all the time in my face.

    • Just because your mother has issues with your father it's not your fault, and it doesn't make you any less of a person. Our parents aren't always right, they're people just like us.

      Don't define yourself by everyone else. Even though it feels like that's the only way we'll ever know who we are, we know more about ourselves than other people know about us.

  • Shallow means you have little depth. The reason why your friend called you shallow is because you placed so much emphasis on looks. Saying "I'm way too ugly for a guy like him" shows two things: 1, that you assume he wouldn't be interested in dating you because of your looks and 2, that you place a lot of value in looks. You see yourself as unworthy of dating because you think you're ugly. That's still pretty shallow.

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    • I'm insulting myself not him.

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    • I have never in my life chosen people for friendships or otherwise based on their looks or anything else. It had nothing to do with whether or not he would find me attractive, I still wouldn't think I am good enough for him if he himself had walked up to me and said something. Any time a guy has approached me I don't let them get to know me. And it has nothing to do with their looks. Only mine. If I were shallow, I would have gone up to him. I care about other peoples personalities so no

    • I don't hold looks over personality. I have friends who range from below average to above average and none of that matters to me. We've all been lifelong friends. I just don't date because I feel I don't deserve it. And most of my friends except that one guy would never call me shallow. In fact I've been told I am too nice and I need to learn to stop letting people walk all over me because it's not doing anyone any favours, especially me.

  • you're still judging the guy based on appearance. also,if you're willing to look past the ugliness of others,please do the same for yourself. your appearance doesn't dictate your worth.

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    • I look more like a guy than a woman. And I wasn't thinking he was bad. I said he deserves better than me. So therefore I am not judging him but just me and me alone and that means I can't be shallow.

    • a judgement you deem positive,is still judgement,and this is one based on appearance. and,you're still only caring about the surface-sure,of yourself,but it's still the surface. go deeper.

    • I go by what I've heard most of my life. It's not shallow if it's myself. Shallow would mean I only want to be with someone for their looks or money and not personality.

  • People are sick.If you are confident you are conceit,if you are humble then you are fishing a compliment or self-pity.I think the most they want to hear is "I look average and happy for it"

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  • i think he just meant that you judge a book by its cover type thing, although it may not have been intentional you were judging that guy just on his looks, how do you know what type of girl he's into.

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    • Doesn't matter. He deserves better than a girl like me. Even if he went for my type, it doesn't matter. I don't deserve him.

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    • you look like a woman, not a very happy one in that first link but you don't look like a man. you should never say you don't deserve a person. I've been told several negative things about myself, and I do tend to believe a lot of them, that does not however mean that I think any guy deserves better than me.

    • All those expressions I did on purpose. This is a smiling picture: link and this one is the most recent one: link The others were taken last January. I took the latest one after someone gave me a makeover. It's the only good one I have, I took it just to send to my sister so she could see.

  • Because you implied he would only care about looks which is generally true among males but to him you were wrong

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    • Even if he didn't care about looks, it wouldn't matter. I was meaning I am too ugly for him. Even if he found me attractive, I would still believe I am too ugly for him. I wasn't insulting him, his looks, his personality or his preferences. I was insulting myself alone. If say, he came up to me and wanted to get to know me or something, I still would believe I am too ugly for him. I still believe he deserves better than me. Any woman would be better for him than me. I was implying anything

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    • Do you need sex? Otherwis you seem fine.

    • I am a virgin. Sometimes I wish to experience but I don't think I NEED it.

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