Are people who date online the undesirables of society?

Are people who turn to websites like okcupid, plentyoffish, match, chemistry, blackpeoplemeet the undesirables of society?

Typically unattractive, struggle with socializing and the opposite sex.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I wouldn't exactly call them "undesirable" but yes, they are probably more socially awkward than most or have simply had bad luck with the women or men they've met in real life for whatever reasons. Probably for reasons that have more to do with them than the opposite sex, but if you've constantly been rejected in the real world then I suppose some people just turn to the internet where they can meet more people in a shorter amount of time.

    They can then quickly view dozens of profiles and pick out people they might be attracted to. It's probably a bit easier because it let's people view someone's interests and personality type before deciding if that is someone they want to pursue or not. Of course, things like that are not concrete, but it does give people an idea of if they will mesh well with that particular person before reaching out to them.

    Of course, I have never been into the online dating thing simply because I prefer to meet potential dates in real life. However, I can understand the appeal of dating sites for some people.

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What Guys Said 19

  • Sometimes, yes. But often, they are simply people who aren't party people or social butterflies.

    The "main" places people go to meet other single people, at least in the US, are bars and clubs, but the truth is that these places only appeal to a minority of the people, albeit a sizable minority. The majority of the people simply don't go to these places, or only rarely go. It might be that they are busy with school, work, or their family, or because they don't drink, or because it's expensive, or because they don't know anyone there, or because they have social anxiety, or whatever. Unfortunately, it's hard to run a "social" place as a profitable business without selling high-margin product like alcohol, so very few places exist for those who don't drink or can't/won't drink in a bar/club.

    Sure, you can sometimes meet people in random places like bookstores, coffee shops, and grocery stores, but you don't have the advantage of something like a bar, where most patrons are single people around your age who are also looking for relationships.

    The Internet gives you the ability to filter for the right kinds of people: age, sex, relationship status, and many other criteria are easily available, and you have far more people to choose from.

    While there is still a bit of a stigma about Internet dating, the truth is that it has become quite mainstream at this point, for good reason: it can be effective if used the right way.

    Are there still plenty of immature/socially backwards people there? Sure. Trolls? You bet. It *is* still the Internet, and there will always be jokers who enjoy being a-holes for no reason other than to stir up drama, but if you learn to grow a thick skin, don't take those morons seriously, and learn to separate the wheat from the chaff, Internet dating can be very successful and rewarding.

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  • It's not always necessary that way.

    The other way of perceiving it is that

    1. It shrinks the world i.e. if someone is looking for another race it becomes easier for one

    2. Easier and faster to identify preferences of similar nature (IF people write the truth about themselves)

    3. Even those with good social lives and are attractive get on online dating sites in a hope to find a better partner

    4. One can remain anon till they don't touch the seemingly correct person

    5. etc

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  • I did online dating but not the sites you mentioned. I did so simply because I didn't feel like I was going to meet the future Mrs. X in the bars, clubs and other places I hung out (I didn't really want to meet a partner in these venues) so that was my personal experience. I didn't have trouble meeting girls and going on dates it just seemed like I was meeting people with different desires for relationships

    that said I would say that there is certainly a population of "undesirables" (not a word I'd use, maybe the "datingly challengeg") who turn to online dating

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  • The people who have the most success are the same ones who have the most success in real life. I have not dated since university but pretty much everyone I know who is single now uses online as well as offline methods of meeting people. I think it's fairly 'normal' now. That said most people I know have had much more success with non free sites.

    However, there are a higher then average proportion of people on those sites who are as you describe. There are two reasons for that. One is that people who aren't successful stay single and hence stay on the site. People who are entering relationships are on for a couple months, then off for 9 months, then back. So only 1/4 of the 'normal' people who use a sure are actually single and active at any time. But 100% of the 'can't get a date' people are active.

    Second I'd guess people with social anxiety are a little more likely to use exclusively online methods of meeting people.

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  • Not really, there are other reasons. Moving to a new area, working too many hours, and so on are also people who make dating profiles.

    The problem is that most of them are indeed socially awkward and are afraid to meet in person. Too many of them wish to email endlessly yet never meet up. The ones who don't email though have a chance to be "serial daters" who book dates with so many other people and can't settle down with one.

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  • That's an astute observation. I think it's right on.

    Those who are genetically superior have too many options to even fathom such an alternative.

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  • Im attractive but I have no conversational skills, been alone for a long time dealing with my problems with no one not even professionals who could help me. I get a lot of looks in the street and always from drop dead gorgeous women. The problem is I'm so scared of being looked at bad by the way I was raised in an abusive home. Luckily. I've found fully mature men who have great social lives and who are some "alpha" men of society in terms of emotional/knowledge maturity. And because some of these guys teach/sell their knowledge I can uplift myself from confusion and repression and become me again and more. I'd say I'm not undesireable, If someone could see the real me, but I don't want to lie on dating sites. So I don't get mail. But I would If I lied...

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  • I think it's just an interface to connect with people. Not everyone goes to bars or works with a huge pool of the opposite sex, especially as you get older.

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  • Not always. But sometimes. Probably more than half.

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  • no...I don't think so. I think its more normal than not these days

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  • Not necessarily

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  • Id say I'm fairly attractive, but yet I do lack communication skills with women. Being online can hide me away from that. But I do know I would have better results in reality.

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  • What about those who try online dating and still can't get anywhere?

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  • No a lot of people need a jumpstart because they haven't had the luck of finding it IRL, so they go online. In reality though making someone like you online is a lot more difficult.

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  • no, its often people who just don't have the time, but want to be with someone

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  • I don't think so. Some people prefer to socialize half drunk with other half drunk people in places where you can't talk too much; some other prefer to socialize sober, with sober people, in places where the only thing you can do is talk. I won't dare to say the former is the right way and the later is the way for ugly unappealing people.

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  • No, not exclusively. As in, that isn't what defines those types of sites. But do a lot of people who are unattractive or have trouble interacting end up on them? Sure.

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  • No, I don't think so. I think the ones that use online dating sites and are single forever may fall under that category but I don't think the majority of people that use online dating sites are the undesirables.

    I know I'm not a big fan of online dating sites because people will only post their good sides. Both physically speaking in pictures and when describing themselves and what they do in life. I would say because of this the undesirables would date online and never bother meeting the person they are talking too online. Sometimes someone that is desirable may not be able to because of the distance, but for the most part a desirable person will end up meeting up with the person that they're interested in.

    We all know that everyone has flaws, that everyone has some sort of baggage that they carry with them. There may be some flaws and some baggage that you can find out online, but for the most part you will have to meet them in person anyways. Which is a reason I like getting to know someone from the get-go in person so I can see how they act when meeting someone unexpectedly. How they act will either attract me or not attract me. I can't do this online. So, even though I don't prefer on-line dating. I do see and understand the benefit of it and I don't think that only the undesirables use online dating sites. This may be true back when the internet first existed, but in the year 2013... going on 2014, it's part of your everyday life. Why not embrace the technology that we have than stick to the old school ways just because of a negative stigma that may be attached to it.

    So, no, people who date online are not the undesirables of society. There are undesirables that use online dating sites, but that does not mean someone that uses an online dating site is an undesirable. Some undesirables will purposely use this negative stigma to their advantage and only date in person, off-line. Hoping that the person they are trying to attract is a person that does believe the negative stereotype that a person that dates online is an undesirable and a person that doesn't is desirable. At the end of the day, because they are undesirable, they still won't be able to land the person they want for a long term relationship.

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  • I use Okcupid, Pof, my problem is soley based on my social awkwardness, shyness, and never making moves.

    I have had plenty of women express interests in me, hand me note saying '' You're cute.'' or smart and cute, and have missed opportunities when women have came over and talked to me.

    When I was in high school I got a lot of female attention my sophomore-senior year, even though when talked to me, or made eye contact with me, I thought it was because I was weird, because I felt weird, but hey that's high school.

    I have also seen some VERY attractive women on both sites.

    People are busy these days, they don't have time to date, they are looking for a specific relationship with someone who is their type, people do everything on the internet these days, why can't they use it to find a sof?

    dating websites are a good place to find like minded people, looking for like minded things... I think the answer to this question obvious no.

    There are undesirable people in real life, and on dating websites, desirable people on dating websites, and in real life.

    I really can't see why you would ask such a question, common sense really, undesirable people and desirable people everywhere.

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What Girls Said 13

  • I tried okc when I was working 2 jobs once. Terrified the hell out of me. The amount of emotionally unstable psychos was nearly enough to make me asexual. They would say some out of pocket crazy stuff. They often had rapey and sexists views. It was not wonder why they were single.

    Don't even get me stared on the harrasment and unwanted sexual advances.

    I could count the number of men who seemed normal. I deleted my account after a week or two. Never again. Never.

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  • Nope. Rather internet dating is the easiest way to get into contact with new people when you don't have a social network (or at least not one which covers enough people, or enough people of the sort you are attracted to). And to be frank, in our society we move from place to place more often which makes social networks harder to uphold and more relationships (friends and family) become temporary rather than long-term. This makes sure that finding people to connect with (romantically and otherwise) becomes harder. I really think that internet dating is one of the best things that ever happened to internet. It helps people find like-minded as well as giving them a legitimate way of connecting with them (not all people have the time or the energy for a chat with a stranger in the grocery store)

    That does not mean that there are not a lot of 'undesirables' out there (but I would rather think that what is undesirable to some will be desirable to someone else ;), but that is not exclusive to the internet, you ALWAYS have to look between people you don't like to find the people you do.

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  • I was also drawn to dating sites because I unfortunately didn't have a large group of friends where I had tons of opportunities to be put in social situations where I could meet someone. However as easy as it is to find a date in 10 minutes there never is a story like when you meet someone at a concert or at school. When people say how did you meet I never want to give an honest answer I feel embarrassed. I live in a small town so a lot of the people here who do have a lot of friends have the same friends since high school and never lost touch mine all went in different directions so it's kind of just me. I'd much rather move to the city where I don't need others to socialize since there is not may solo activities in the suburbs to which you can meet other solo people.

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  • I like it because you can select against traits you don't want in a partner without having to spend weeks learning about them.

    Also it says right there if you want kids or not. That's a huge deal breaker in relationships so it's nice to begin the relationship on the same page, not forcing someone to compromise or end the relationship 2 years in.

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  • I think the majority of people who join dating sites, fit one of the following categories..

    Antisocial

    Hopeless/ Outcast / loner

    Less attractive than the average person

    OR

    Getting too old and can't find a partner.

    I suppose you can find a normal outgoing good looking person in any of those sites, but the probability is VERY low.

    and I'm inclined to think that "some" are mentally sick, or psychos just hoping to catch their victims, by posing up their best pics (or FAKE pics and Fake personality) and attributes to lure them in.

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  • Most of them seem to be but not all are. The only nice and successful man my mother ever dated was someone she met on a dating site. I've been on dating sites myself and I don't think I'm an undesirable of society, the guys I date are usually pretty thrilled with me.

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  • Not at all! I mean just an in "real life" you'll find good & bad. But don't knock it until you try it. ;) Some really good things come from those websites. :)

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  • I think that it is easy to put a 10 years ago photo online and pretend to be someone else ypu are not. So yes I do think that most people online are typically unattractive but not all. Some are stuck up and have extremely high standards and they feel they deserve someone perfect, crazy, or they want to find soneone who they think are in the same social class as them. Or too lazy to make the effort to meet other people through other people, or desperate.

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  • Definitely not, it's a very convenient way of meeting people. With this being the age of technology, it makes sense to meet people online that you would have never met anywhere else.

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  • I would guess that social awkwardness is the main reason why they are on there

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  • Of course not

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  • Not necessarily. I've never used an online dating website but I assume that some people can be attractive but not good at social situations. Charisma is not the same as appearance. I've met plenty of unattractive people with a lot charisma and I've also met attractive people with no charisma at all. Some people naturally have (or develop) the ability to "earn" and understand other people.

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  • I've met some pretty nice guys. If I'm going to use a dating, I'll usually ask the guy to go on Skype with me before we meet. It really saves a lot of time because most times they don't look like their pictures.

    But there are reasons to do the online thing.Sometimes if you're working a lot and don't have time for a social life, it's difficult to meet a girl/guy the traditional way.

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