She thinks she deserves a loser.

One of my closest friends has been dating a complete loser for the past four months. He barely goes to class, never does homework, and suddenly decided not to go to law school next year and instead work at the mall. She had known him for two and a half years as friends and rejected all of his perverted passes until one day she gave in.

She's told me that she doesn't feel pretty and she prefers having a boyfriend over being single. She had been single the whole summer and right when we got back to university she decided to start dating him. It really came out of nowhere, especially because he has the creepiest relationship with his ex that he had told her allllll the details about.

She blows off school to be with him but all they actually do together is watch TV. This is not an exaggeration... he's taken her on one (forced) date in four months and bought her wilted flowers for their one month anniversary.

I've heard from everyone of our mutual friends that she deserves much better and no one can understand what she's doing. One of our friends thinks she's scared about not getting married.. but she's 20 years old! She's got a few years to find a guy that's ambitious and respects her.

My question is how do I get her to see that she deserves better? It's kind of depressing when she's dating this guy yet she has good taste in who she has crushes on.. she just doesn't go for them. She doesn't go for any guy honestly... I've always seen her date the guy who pushed himself on her and when I asked her for dating advice she said to date a guy who likes you and hopefully you'll start to like him later on... It's sad she feels like she can't date a guy she likes first and instead picks up this loser who's been coming onto her for two years yet she never liked until magically one night she did. Advice? Should I say something to her?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Wow. The sex must be really good. This is a great opportunity for you to work on your friendship skills. I understand that it can be frustrating to watch someone you care about go down a path you think is wrong for them. Sometimes it's so much easier to see the real picture when looking in from the outside. You have far more vivid and all around perspective than does she.

    The things is, this isn't YOUR relationship, and while you'd like to protect her and keep her from harm, you must allow her to make her own decisions. Being a good friend is not telling her what your view is on right and wrong, being a good friend is supporting her whether you agree with her decision or not. The only 2 people who REALLY know how the relationship is, are the two that are in it. This may be a poor decision, or it may not , regardless it's HER decision, not yours.

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    • My thought is the Same (about the sex part), maybe he's like a Houdini under the sheets and flicks her bean like no other man before and puts full-time work in making her orgasm to the point where she can't walk-away.

What Guys Said 1

  • Her relationship not yours. You, might wanna just stick around and try to see things from her perspective instead of judging the relationship from your 1st person angle. You might have your ambitions and dreams set as your top priority for life, hers might differ from yours, and get comfortable with the idea that she's still your friend even thou you might not like the decisions she makes.

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What Girls Said 3

  • No one does

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  • You can try to talk to her about it, but it's her life.

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  • Maybe she's in a low self esteem "slump". It happens. She'll wake up one day and think to herself, "What the f*ck am I doing with this loser?" lol.. then she'll laugh and dump him. I wouldn't worry too much about it b.c. a person is gonna do what they want and right now she's doing this. I'm sure it won't last though.

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