What to do with guy friend situation?

I have a guy friend who only talks to me whenever he needs help. At other times he mostly ignores me. Our conversations feel strained and unnaturally polite whenever we talk. I've known him for about 2 years.

He often ignores my messages (I text him once every 2 weeks or so asking him how he is and whether he wants to catch up). He sometimes texts me back after one month, telling me he is busy.

So I tested him out. I borrowed my dad's phone and sent him a random text message saying 'hi how are you?'. He replied to that message within one day. So basically he lied to me. I have cared for him so much and helped him cos I truly cared for him a lot.

So this Christmas, I sent him a text message that said:

"hey, wishing you a merry xmas. I have a Xmas present for u, but hey, since you don't even reply, I guess you don't care. so I will say what I've always wanted to say for the 2 years I have known u. thank you for showing me what a user is, so that in the future I can avoid people like that and recognise the signs. How else would I know how to recognise a user like you? thanks for using me to help you with academic related stuff and then ditching me. thanks for hurting me. I guess you will never realize that the reason why I shared my knowledge with you is cos I cared for you so much. whenever we talk our conversations seem unnaturally polite and strained. thank you so much!'

Is this too harsh? I am really mad at him. He basically lied...I introduced him to his current job, I put in a good word for him, I also invited him to my graduation and gave him a free ticket, I always invited him to events e.g. badminton every week, career related events, and I tutored him often, spending 3 hours everytime helping him and answering his questions. I shared my knowledge with him, I also met up with him in person and talked to him on the phone for hours (well past midnight) helping him.

He has helped me back very rarely with small things, and has given me a diary for helping him, but that's it.


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What Guys Said 1



  • I think you may have both manipulated eachother. Sure you helped him because of your feeling, but isn't some kind of reciprocation suggestive of strings attached? I'm not even saying this is a bad thing as long as expectations are controlled.

    On one hand its kind of a no-brainer to turn down free help, but obviously social custom dictates something rather large in return for such a committment. Unless completely oblivious to this, he would of had to have skipped around that part and greedily used the help, needing it but not wanting to get mixed up with you.

    I don't think what you said is too harsh. Guys like that are pretty tough. But you could have managed the situation better by asking for more small increments of emotional involvement from him along the way, the kind that wouldn't be worth the help just on its own unless he enjoyed it too.

    Also, just because I'm writing this answer doesn't mean I expect anything back :P

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