I thought he was smitten! Totally broadsided by breakup.

I had been dating my now-ex boyfriend for four months. I'm 24 and he is 27. We met online and hit it off right away. Our first date was awkward, as he was so nervous he babbled and was totally unlike the guy I'd been emailing. I gave him another chance though and for the next two months it was bliss. He texted me every morning. He'd stare at me, unable to talk, finally choking out "beautiful" when asked. We were always doing something. He took me to meet his parents after the 4th date. He introduced me to all his friends. I spent Thanksgiving with his family, at his invitation. He's a professional ballet dancer (I have never danced, although I did musical theatre), but at 27 is transitioning into a career in physical therapy. He had talked about staying together long-distance if needed due to my PhD candidacy and his DPT, or applying near me if he didn't get in this cycle (I only can do what I do at 3 schools) He was taking a heavy, heavy courseload (senior in biology, need I say more) and dancing in 4 different ballets. I knew I would have to take backseat starting mid November to let him handle the school and ballet. I was OK with that, and tried to support him as best I could. He pushed me away. Honestly he was completely overwhelmed. I thought his distance was due to this, but out of the blue this week he broke up with me. He said his feelings had plateaued and he didn't see us going any further. I am totally shocked. Guys, please help me understand what happened here! Feel free to chat/pm me as well. I need some insight. Thanks.

Updates:
More info: I was very clear on my profile that I was only interested in serious relationships. He said he was looking for the same. I wonder if he has some fear from a broken engagement right before our relationship. We only talked about a week and a half before meeting. He initiated contact with me, and very actively persued me, but said had I played hard to get he'd have thought I didn't like him back and given up. The chemistry was strong, but so was the friendship and compatibility.
When he said his feelings had stopped growing I said I thought it premature. He'd been in crisis mode for half the relationship stressed about school and dance. Of course his feelings weren't growing, he was exausted to the point of being ill. We had spent almost no time together, no intimacy, and that's key for him. When asked, he was adamant there was no one else, he still thought "everything about [me] is beautiful" and I was so good to him, but he "couldn't give [me] what [I] deserve".

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Honestly it sounds like you guys had more.chemistry talking online and sometimes people who seem compatible through text and Email are not compatible in person the relationship was very short and seemed like he was just enjoying his self and just dating sorry to say it this way but your young and you should be dating and having fun I'm 25 and been with the.same.guy for 7 years and 75% of the time I'm not happy just sounds like to me he is immature and he does this a lot and obviously your way more advanced then.he is in all aspects of life you can do better and I'm pretty sure your a beautiful young woman and its his lost not yours

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What Guys Said 3

  • I've read this entire thing. I can only say that he used the "I couldn't give you what you wanted so I'm ending it" as an excuse. That really disgusts me. He's not telling you the whole truth, it's never that simple.

    I would suggest trying to find out what exactly is going on and giving him space to clear his thoughts. Ask for precises answers so you can better yourself or to understand the situation thus easing your worry about this situation.

    Regardless, good luck!

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    • Thanks.Sadly, we already said goodbye, and I don't think contacting him would yield more info. I did ask very precise questions, and he assured me it was nothing to do with anything I did or was. The two big things that he kept saying were his feelings didn't match mine, and he felt he was always going to make himself sick overworking and not have time to put into the relationship like I would. He never even asked me what my feelings were though, he was just inferring. He never gave us a chance.

    • Sorry to hear that. Hopefully the next person will put in a little more effort towards life in general.

  • He is a ballet dancer? AND you are curious why he doesn't want a women who wants and is willing to wait and be with him.?

    LOL really you're confused?

    IT IS OBVIOUS !

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    • ? Pls enlighten standDown

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    • That's not very nice

    • It wasn't an attack on you. From very little I know of the situation or who he is.

      If I am in love or working on being then I would treat my woman with the respect she deserves. She would still be involved in my life no matter what was on my plate. I would want and desire someone as special as you sound to share my day with. I gave my insight , sorry it isn't where your mind wants to be right now. But from an outside perspective sounds very suspicious from the get go.

  • No intimacy I wouldn't be surprised if he was a homosexual.

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    • Trust me, that was not an issue at all the first half of the relationship. The decline coincided with the increase in physical activity and stress, both of which are known to lower libido. Although it may also be that maybe he didn't love me anymore :(

What Girls Said 5

  • As unhelpful as this sounds at first read, I think there's something he's not telling you. This story doesn't make sense, it's a puzzle missing a piece. Unless its that he's seeing someone else or he's gay you're unlikely to find out (you'd find these out cause you can't hide them,) but a guy is unlikely to say if things have not been continuing well for him. Unfortunately I think it's one of these situations where you may never know but jyst have to put it aside

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    • That's how I feel too- it doesn't make sense. I know he had a Christmas present for me and everything. He was sending me flowers at work. I am very sure he neither is gay or was cheating. I have to wonder if it was a combo fear of becoming serious again coupled with the classic need to be perfect dancers have (he has it in spades) and feeling like he could not possibly get 100 in dance, school and our relationship. He doesn't allocate himself well, but was unwilling to change that.

    • Basically, I think he felt enormously guilty for not being able to put the same into the relationship I was. I'm a lot better at allocating, so I can say to myself "no difference between a 94 and 100 anywhere that matters. I'll use the extra time and effort on other priorities" and he can't. One of those priorities was him. I always made time for him, and he felt bad and wouldn't take it, and a deadly vicious cycle was born. Just a theory.

  • Maybe your right about the fear thing but men say a lot to get what they really want they will tell you how perfect they think.you are then.go have sex with your.friend I.say contact him and get the.closure that you need and see what he has to say sometimes the timing can be.off and that could ruin relationship as well

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  • it's so cute when boys are all awkward and nervous.

    i would be shocked too.

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  • Sounds like bad timing then, sad but it happens

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  • Sometimes these things happen. You just have to move on.

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