Guys- if you always have to text a girl first, do you get discouraged?

This guy and I have been texting often. We haven't hung out because I'm on Christmas break and out of town. All my friends tell me to wait for him to text me and sound excited when he does, if I were a guy I would be discouraged if I always had to text first.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yes. The first few times I am pursuing a girl and trying to gain her interest so it is fine if I text first. As soon as she has gained even a slight interest in me It would be very encouraging for her to text first to let me know that she want to get to know me as much as I want to get to know her. If I always text first I probably might get discouraged even if she says she likes me. I'd feel as though if I don't reach out to her then she isn't thinking about me/us. Like "out of sight and out of mind"

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What Guys Said 6

  • I will get discouraged. It's a sign to me she's just texting back to be nice, nothing more. If I stop texting her for a week and she doesn't text me, I will see that as disinterest. So why should I continue keeping my hopes up for someone who is not willing to take the effort to text me first once in a while. It's not the texting only, by texting me first she implies she's been thinking of me.

    Especially when she doesn't contact me in a couple of weeks, I'll just try my best to forget her and move on.

    My advice would be to just text him first once in a while, to show him you're thinking of him and actually like the conversation.

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  • Yes. It sounds petty, but it can be discouraging, and if it happens too much, we might actually feel like we're bothering you.

    All guys are different, which means this can be worse for quite a few guys. It won't take many times of texting first before a guy starts to back off.

    While it is true we like to pursue, as we are supposed to do, there is a limit. We do need to know every once in a while we need to know we're getting somewhere, otherwise were gonna think were in the "friendzone."

    My suggestion is that every once I'm a while you reciprocate. Catch him outta the blue and surprise him. He'll love it because while it's not going overboard, it does show him that you are thinking about him at times.

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    • why are you supposed to persue?

    • Social conventions and gender roles have placed the males in this role. Is this always a 100% rule? No, but this question is a prime example of gender roles. Most of the time, it's the guy approaching, asking out, going for the first kiss, etc.

  • We generally like to be the pursuers, but at the same time we're only human too. We like attention just like women do.

    Personally speaking, if I was talking to a girl and she never initiated contact, I'd take that as a sign of disinterest and move on at some point.

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    • Why do you like to persue?

      Does that mean you do not like it when women persue?

    • I like to pursue because, as a man, it's what I'm supposed to do. There's no real reason for it other than societal gender roles.

      I personally really like it when a woman pursues me if I'm interested in her. If I'm not interested then I dislike it (I imagine this is how women feel about it too lol).

  • Totally. I'd get the impression that I'm wasting my time. It's nice to see the girl take initiative once in a while because it shows our efforts are not in vain.

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  • I'd be difficult to talk to you if that were the case. I'd feel a bit discouraged, so just don't be too diffucult to talk to.

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  • Nothing is nicer than when a girl texts me first, do it!

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What Girls Said 1

  • They would eventually stop trying since nothing is reciprocated back.

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