Does number of relationships play a factor in dating up?

Should a younger woman date an older guy (both legal adults) if she's never been in a relationship before?

What if the guy is also inexperienced, does that influence anything?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm experienced, and I'm 30. People often say that I look younger, and I try to keep up with what's trendy with the younger crowd at the moment. At the moment I have something going on with a girl that's 23. I feel very comfortable interacting with people that are 10 years younger than me, I'm vocal and I both know how to be serious and fun.

    I'm just going to completely honest. Younger girls are easy. Often they're a bit insecure, and I often get the remark that I make people feel safe. I'm not condoning older guys serially dating younger girls here, though. But yeah, we're guys, you know?

    How I feel about dating younger, inexperienced girls?

    If the girl is vocal and extravert, she'll probably have experience. If she's shy and timid, chances are she'll have less experience. If she's vocal: she'll speak up if she's not happy with the situation. If she has experience, she knows how a relationship works and what she'll accept and what she doesn't. Inexperienced and/or timid girls don't have this, and I'll get the feeling that I'm controlling them, or -better said- that I CAN control them. I like being the dominant force in a protective kind of way, not in a controlling kind.

    I also feel like stealing part of her youth. Experience, both bad and good, are parts of life. Sure, I know how to handle the situation and minimalize her hurt if I should break up with her, but maybe she needs the life lesson of getting her heart broken by a silly 20 year old. I'm taking this all away from her.

    Also: sex. Experience is good.

    So: my conclusion: I don't think the combination of an older guy with a girl that is both inexperienced, young and timid is a good one.

    Every other combination could work, though.

    PS: we're talking about a 10+ age difference here, right?

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    • Thanks for this! What do you mean by "easy"? I am one of those outspoken, had a million different experiences younger women. However, I have not been in a serious relationship because I haven't had time for one.



      I'm thinking about dating someone 8 years older. I've just seen how those types of relationships turn out sometimes and I want to be sure of what I'm getting myself into. I want to date up but I don't want to date someone who thinks I'm easy or isn't looking for something serious.

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    • Also: "the rule":

      The guy should divide his age by 2, and add 7. For instance: I'm 30, so I can date 30/2+7= 22 year olds.

      In fact, I like age difference in relationships. I'm a protective guy (to both my girl, and to my guyfriends), and it just works if the girl is a bit younger. In your case, there's an 8 year difference? I don't see the big point really, just don't let him hurt or control you: You're not dealing with an 18yo here.

    • Thank you!

What Guys Said 2

  • If neither of you have been in a relationship before, then this should be an extremely exciting and admittedly sometimes awkward experience. You're learning as you go. I don't know what kind of expectations you may have going into this, but life is and adventure. Go for it! If nothing else, you should at least get some good stories out of this.

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  • If you're both happy with it,go for it.There are no rules or guarantees.

    If it works,it works.

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What Girls Said 2

  • I think that personally a girl should have some what some knowledge of what kind of guy she wants, and that's what should play in who she picks for a boyfriend.

    Same with the guy, he should just know what he wants, regardless of how experienced someone is if they don't know what they want and they are just dating to date then what good is that? sounds like total disaster

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  • I do worry about some women getting taken advantage of in situations like that, if she hasn't had much other dating experience. However, if he is also inexperienced, I think it levels the playing field a bit. Just remember, while he may not have dating experience, he does have life experience. He's not clueless, and depending on how large the age difference, may still be after the younger girl for reasons such as looks, status, and easy manipulation.

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    • Is it not possible for the younger girl to also have life experience?

    • Of course it's possible, he just typically has more at this point, and considering the girl has no dating experience whatsoever, she may miss signs of being taken advantage of. It does help that he has little experience as well.

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