It's complicated. I feel underappreciated.

I'm living with my boyfriend and he seems to want a lot of time to himself-a little too much. We have been having problems and after we argue he goes off and doesn't talk to me until I decide to talk to him or work things out. He says that he doesn't want to kiss up to me. So we talked about it and things had been going on really good. I did everything he asked me to. I go out and watch him play his video games which he already played and won and can't seem to get enough of. I exercise with him and basically try to keep things good between us. Overall, I am not sure if I'm the only one trying but all I literally want it to be loved you know. I want to be cuddled and he always comes up with an excuse not to cuddle me or hold me. He rarely talks sweet to me like he used to. He only seems to do these things when he wants to have sex. I don't know what to do we've talked about it and I do everything in my part to make the relationship run smoother. He literally does not have to do anything besides what a feel a boyfriend should do. Do you guys have any advice? How do I get him to be interested in me? Is he loosing interest? Am I not important to him anymore? Why doesn't he want to cuddle me or talk sweet to me anymore?

Updates:
Thank you everyone for your comments and advice! We talked it out and it was basically what the male anonymous user said. Things are getting back on track and we are much happier. :)

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Most Helpful Guy

  • He is losing interest and thus distancing himself from you as the result of the disagreements. The fact is, guys find it very difficult to get cozy, and romantic with women whom they have recurring, emotional, heated arguments with.

    But of course, many will argue that guys are stronger than women and have a higher threshold for pain, etcetera. But in reality guys are not emotionally adept to handle dramatic situations as women are, which is evident in our preference to internalize our feelings during difficult times in our personal relationships, as opposed to communicating as women are known. Consequently, guys tend to want to rid ourselves of the stress by being alone or away from our partner, which includes being much less affectionate, attentive, and complimentary towards her until the issues are resolved. Hence his behavior.

    By the way, that may or may not include sex (depending on the guy.

    To get the relationship back on track, which includes the romance, communicate with him in a peaceful, monotonous manner when at possible. Even if that requires either party to walk away from one another to calm down before you revisit discussing your issues with each other.

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    • I don't know the full side of the story.. But honestly by what the QA is saying.. I think her boyfriend is taking her for granted or just not into her anymore, because this clearly extends beyond what happens after arguments.

      If I was her, I'd break up with her. At least address the issue with the guy, and maybe bring it up.

    • I purposely avoided saying that he is disinterested in her and taking for granted for that very reason. We don't know the full story and it's quite possible that the arguments(if constant) are causing to his behavior. I once experienced a dramatic relationship and I lost interest in my ex as a result of her failure to vocalize her opinion in a peaceful way. What guy wants to cuddle up with a woman whom he is constantly battling, especially if there are attacks on his character during ?

What Guys Said 6

  • He's getting comfortable. A bit too comfortable. It's now to the point that his needs are being met but yours are not, and he doesn't even realize it. As the others have said, you either declare some additional freedom and do your own thing or you move on, which will get his attention, or not. If you do declare some freedom there's no guarantee he'll respond with the attentiveness and affection you desire. And pressuring him for it isn't the solution because he'll resent you for it.

    It's a tough situation. All I can say us that it's an issue of maturity. I'm guessing he's not 40 yet because he wouldn't be doing what he's doing. He'd be paying attention to you, believe me. I'm assuming he's close to your age. Men at that age typically are more self-centered. As we age we wise up and it becomes all about our women. I know. I'm 53.

    Right now you have to be understanding and accept him, or find someone who's less self-centered. It's unlikely he'll change his ways in order to please you right now. Sorry.

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    • Agreed. He's feeling too comfortable most likely. And when you feel too comfortable, you start to take things for granted and feel more lazy and not take initiative to maintain the spark and drive of the relationship.

  • He has taken you for granted, and the only way you change this is by making him realize what he will lose if things don't change, and regardless of how hard it might be, you need to tell him that your not willing to put all the effort in any more, and that if he fails to make an effort, then your going to move out, don't call his bluff, make sure he realizes your serious, only then will he realize that he has been taking you for granted and change his ways. If you can't do this, then unfortunately, you will have to live with him making minimum effort towards you,x

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  • I say take a break from each other. I'm no relationship guru or anything but I think that you should do this... If he really loves and cares for you he "will" come back and beg you to get back with him. I agree with what other people here when they say that he is taking you for granted.. Also be careful because he may just be using you for sex(If this is the case then you should definitely leave him! You deserve so much better!). Good luck with this, I wish you the best.

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  • Listen to that song by Kylie minouge ( get out of my way) Leave him for someone else make him jealous drive him back to you

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  • He might feel a little smothered... I know it's hard, but maybe hang out with friends more. He should have some obligations of intimacy though. Just try not to probe him about it. I kind of get defensive in that sort of way too.

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  • I agree - it sounds as if you are underappreciated. You two living together complicates things but if I were you I would probably break it off and move out. You deserve better. If he realizes that, then he'll try to stop you and make it right. If he doesn't then you should move on and find someone who treats you the way your deserve to be treated. Good luck.

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What Girls Said 3

  • It's over hon, he just hasn't got to telling you yet. Sorry but you're trying so hard, he's doing nothing. I've been in this position before. You can kill yourself trying but it won't make any difference. If you really want to give it one more chance tell him what he needs to do and give him a deadline. Then stick to it. I'm sorry

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  • Wow he sounds cold and selfish... I don't know really that I could stand for that.

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  • ah this feels like me and my relationship with my guy. I don't know what to tell you to help you solve your problem. I think guys may be just that way. Maybe you just need to be more independent. Like he might take after his dad or mom or something and just have to be understanding. That's what one of my friends told me when I told her my guy problems.

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