I don't understand why he is acting like this, what should I do?

So I've been dating this guy for a couple of months and at first we got along REALLY well and seemed to have a lot in common. We texted each other almost everyday and saw each other multiple times a week.

In mid October his 3 year old son who he only gets to see a few times a year came to visit him and his family. Ever since then he has been very distant from me. Rarely initiates text messages, and a lot of times does not respond to mine.

I've asked him more than once if he was no longer interested to please tell me so I could have closure and he has always responded saying something like "I've just been trying to spend as much time with my son as possible."

He has also seemed to be VERY stressed out because of his job and has been in a very bad mood after work when I've tried to text him. He will not and never has really talked to me when in a bad mood, but these days his distance is REALLY starting to bother me.

I have not seen him since the end of November and before that I didn't see him for a month either. I haven't heard from him in weeks and on Christmas I texted him a sweet Merry Christmas message and he didn't even respond to that.

I'm pretty sure his son is still visiting him and I'm sure he's most likely still coming home in a bad mood from work due to the fact he is training the new employee.

These days I've just been really sad by his distance and I really want our relationship to go back to how it was before, but I just feel so confused as to what he is feeling towards me. He's told me before that he is only interested in a serious monogamous relationship and that he indeed saw me as material for that...

Should I continue to give him space? Or should I try reaching out to him letting him know that I am not satisfied with how things are going?

Any advice would be great...

Updates:
Thank you everyone for your answers. I'm not going to contact him again, I'm just going to wait a couple more weeks and if I don't hear from him by then I'm calling it quits with him.
Alright well, tried texting him again asking why he was ignoring me and he still didn't respond. Guess its over with him, thank you all for your answers.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I have girls do this sort of thing to me all the time, and it is really frustrating... I understand that he has his son now, and work is tough around the holidays for most jobs. But he does need to hold up his end. Maybe wait a few weeks to see if things calm down for him. If not move on.

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    • I agree with you. I'll wait a couple of weeks to see if he starts talking again once the holidays are over and his son goes home. If not, then I'll just move on and date other guys instead. Ugh, so disappointing. :(

What Guys Said 6

  • to me at this point this is more than just needing space. this is a red flag. sure we all need space, sure we all get stressed. but it can't be possible that he doesn't have time to see you, talk or text you in over a month.

    the holidays are busy and with his son around I'm sure even busier and perhaps he is that busy. but if he is so busy that he can't create some time to give you a few minutes I think that is a bad sign for how he kind of handles stress or busy situations

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    • So what do you think I should do then? Try to talk to him or just leave him alone?

    • to me it seems like he needs to show that he is interested in putting more effort into the relationship. people obviously are busy with other things but to completely shut someone out for a month of more is a sign that he doesn't seem that invested... I would make him prove that he has feelings rather than you continuously trying to coax a relationship from him

    • I agree. If I see him again I will tell him that things need to change if he really wants to be with me. I asked him 3 times previously when he was doing this before if he wasn't interested anymore and he kept saying that it wasn't anything like that, etc. So yeah, gonna try to give this one more shot with him.

  • Listen, I'm going to be real with you my love because you need someone to help you reinforce a primal voice in your head that tells you, 'You haven't got time for all of this crap, if he isn't showing you interest, then you need to pick up your suitcase and keep moving forward. You know I hate quoting picture quotes on Facebook but.

    'There are relationships for a season, relationships for a lifetime, and relationships for a reason.

    If he isn't making you comfortable in knowing that he'll be there for a lifetime... Then you need to ask yourself which of the other two he is.

    Your at your sexual peak for a woman. Don't let a man take this time away from you if he's not committing and that's what your looking for.

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    • I just wish he would at least tell me it was over instead of leaving me hanging and confused as hell like this.

    • A man turns to Jim Rohn my mentor and says, 'why does the sun rise in the east and set in the west?'

      Jim says, 'if I was you I wouldn't spend much time on that! Just let it happen...' Lool I always laugh when I hear that, I have the pleasure of remembering the way he said it! Lol

  • It may be that you are not ready to be in a relationship with a man who has a child.

    He only get to see the kid for a period of time, so of course he wants to maximize his time with the boy.

    Work is always stressful, but can also be an excuse to not talk/text/see someone.

    Give him space and see if he comes around.

    It may be that you have to move on...

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    • Well I've only dated one other guy in the past and he didn't have a kid so it is foreign to me.

      That is what I'm worried about, that it is just an excuse to avoid me meanwhile he's seeing other girls or whatever. It would be a lot easier for me to move on if I could have some closure instead of the cold shoulder.

  • I was in a similar situation, I was dating a girl who had a kid, and during the 5 month period of us dating, I went a month without seeing her. It was always something to do with her kid. Later she broke up with me over the phone and after that I've found out that she was in a relationship with another guy that began on the same day we broke up. She was probably seeing the guy during that one month and was using her child and her job as a scapegoat. That's what this guy is probably doing with you, your on the backburner just in case whoever he's seeing doesn't work out. You deserve better than that, but you also deserve closure. Confront him and get your feelings out, if it's not meant to be then it's not meant to be.

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  • Im really happy that he ignored you again and again...told you to stop texting him and you said you were gonna stop but you didn't even wait long enough and you texted him back...you need to know whose in your circle and whose not..he seems to be out of the circle and doesn't give a damn about you..im really happy for you

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    • I didn't see the point in waiting around for more weeks, I've already done that. Just wanted to get this over with now. If he didn't text back now I doubt he would've in a few weeks anyway. I wouldn't say be happy for me because the situation obviously hasn't turned out in my favor.

  • This is the problem with me and my girlfriend...may be little bit different than urs but sometimes I wanna do stuff or hang out with friends or family and not text her all day, sometimes I just don't respond to her txts and she gets really mad...doesn't mean I'm not interested but I just need some space to do my own stuff...soo just don't txt him for some time like don't text him for 3 weeks. if he doesn't say anything then he's def not interested...i mean he should still txt you at some point (if you stop txting him) if he's interested...dont worry though, if he's not interested then he's not worth worrying about

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    • I guess you're right. I won't text him again, and I won't be closed to seeing other guys in the meantime. If I don't hear from him in a few weeks I'm just going to call it quits because I'm tired of playing this game. I guess there's better guys other there than him, maybe he just isn't as perfect as he looked in the beginning.

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    • And yeah, I am also taking it hard because if he is not interested anymore I would've appreciated him telling me so I could have closure and there would at least of been a solid end to the situation instead of me sitting here going "What the fuck happened?" meanwhile he just goes on with his life...Meh, sucks.

    • Hey he's gonna do that to you a lot. since you don't like that then don't waste your time explaining anything to him...You should have enough dignity not to talk to a dirtbag that ignores you and doesn't respect...i mean even if your in a bad mood or spending time with your son or whatever, you still shouldn't ignore someone your "interested in" for weeks. but maybe he have other problems he's not being honest/open about. who knows. if you don't like that then don't contact him anymore

What Girls Said 9

  • I think the best thing for you to do right now is give him space. Don't try to contact him until he does. I know he has a kid who he rarely sees but that doesn't mean he can't text you here and there. People with kids are different to date but they're not that different to the point where they completely cut you off for months, that's ridiculous. I think you need to find someone else and not keep hanging on until he shows you that he is serious about it.

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    • Well I mean, that's what I was thinking. I don't expect him to devote all of his attention to me when his child is visiting him, but its like he couldn't even tell me Merry Christmas? That's why I'm so confused as to what is really going on with him. He's always been the type to not reply to ALL of my text messages, like sometimes he hasn't replied to my "good night" texts when we were seeing each other a lot but I wish he would've at least said something to show he still cared.

    • Yea I agree. Dating him is going to be different but not to the point where he completely shuts you out of his life for months.

  • I agree with madhatters4, this is a red flag. His top priority as a parent will always be his child and he is spending his time with his son which he should... but you feel ignored and worries about him at the same time. I think that in this situation it would be wise to just let him go, let him have time to sort out his own issues in life and move on with yours. If you keep pushing to talk to him it will probably not make you feel better when he doesn't respond. I'm sorry to say this but let him go.

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  • red flag! it is not about the sn or work anymore, sorry it hurts I know, but I think it is about time to let it go.If a guy doesn't respond to your Christmas text it means it's over.

    I am so sorry this happened, but get a guy that respects you, and maybe doesn't have kids ;)

    good luck, and stay strong.

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  • you have been asking about him since way back ...why haven't you given up..his son is just an excuse.trust me I'm a parent.He obviously doesn't have what it takes to tell you his true feelings because he is hiding behind an excuse.If he wanted to be with u, he would at the very least , keep in touch,U know this in your heart but you just can't accept it.

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    • I saw him again last month after I asked before so that's why I'm confused again because he just keeps stringing me along. We had a good time, we got along, that's why I didn't give up. Its just happening again though...

    • so it sounds like he is only available when HE wants to hang out. I wouldn't let him get away with that.

    • Well what he had told me before was that he had been very sick, been with the kid, and had been dealing with money problems. He acted as though that was the only free night that he had had in awhile because the kid was staying up with his family.

      After that he said he would text me and he never did...when I tried texting him asking how he was doing he responded "Just another fed up day." So idk, he appears to be really stressed out right now or something, and I think the kid is still there.

  • imo, you're too young to date someone with a kid that isn't yours.

    youre not going to get the kind of relationship you want.

    its not reasonable that the ay you deal with problem sis to make yourself disappear. its demeaning an ineffectual. relationships are about communication. if he can't do that, kid or no kid. he's not ready for a relationship. if you can't talk to him about how you feel. you're not ready.

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  • good for u..time is too precious to waste on someone who doesn't appreciate your company

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    • I agree with you. I mean he's making me more sad than happy so I guess he's not worth it.

  • Honestly, continue to give him space. Dating someone with a child is WAYYY different then any regular relationship, you're ganna have to realize you are not ganna be his main focus at the moment. He's spending as much time with his child for the holidays , these times are precious for them. He's under enough stress as it is from work , don't get too clingy You'll just push him away. Just wait for him to reach out and with time you'll realize if its ment to be or if it's time to move on.

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    • shes been dealing with this since way before the holidays...he is blowing her off and using his son as an excuse..he didn't say Merry Christmas? sounds like he may be spending time with someone other than his son

  • have you met his son? maybe if you meet his son he would stop being distant from you and will spend time with you and his son

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  • If I was in your position, I would completely back off for a while. He sounds overwhelmed and stressed out. To be honest, he has put you on the back-burner for the time being, and that's understandable because his son should always come first. Give him some time, and if he doesn't come around then go on and live your life.

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    • I agree with you, thank you for your answer.

    • No problem sweetheart, good luck!

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