Me and my boyfriend have been going out for 26 months and he looks at dating websites. Is this normal guy behavior?

He is 53 and I am 49 both of us have been married before and divorced. We both have our own house and me and him get along great. We have even talked about marriage, but I told him that I would not move in without a ring. We even looked at rings in the mall and I know what kind of ring that he is thinking about getting. The problem though I know it is wrong but I got his password for his email and have been checking it and as it turns out he looks at dating websites but does not fully register. In the beginning of our relationship I accidently saw his history on his computer because he needed help with something. As it turns out he was talking to women on craigslist and of course he said nothing happened and it will never happen again. That is why I am keeping tabs on him. with out him knowing. When I was drunk I gave him a proposal ultimatum of 3years and I don't remember that. Should I stay and keep tabs on him up until my deadline or let him go now?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Maybe you should have a frank discussion with him. See where his mind and heart are and what his true intentions are for the relationship. It sounds like he really likes/loves you, but he's still not sure he wants to commit to you in a marriage. Maybe that's why he is still perusing the dating sites and Craigslist. Keeping his options open, so to speak. Even worse still, maybe he truly does love you and really does want to get married, but he is the unfaithful type...and will cheat on you if presented with the proper opportunity. (If he hasn't already cheated.) Many supposedly happily married/committed men cheat on their partners. It's so easy to do with all of the online resources available today.

    Anyway, bottom line...you're a mature woman who should know up from down by now. Ask yourself what you want in a man and in a relationship. Even if you weren't talking about marriage yet, you've been with him for over 2 years. If you're in a committed dating relationship, is it okay for him to still be looking at online dating/hook-up sites? Don't you deserve better? What would you tell your best friend (or daughter) if she asked you the same questions?

    Once you decide what you want, what you're willing to accept and not accept as appropriate behaviors/treatment from your boyfriend...then talk about your concerns and your expectations with your man. Attach a higher value to yourself by knowing you deserve a man who will be fully faithful to you. Be calm and be firm in what you say, but only say what you're prepared to actually do. If you need to exit the relationship and move on to find a man who is prepared to be fully faithful, then prepare yourself to do just that. Good luck.

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What Guys Said 4

  • "When I was drunk I gave him a proposal ultimatum of 3years and I don't remember that. Should I stay and keep tabs on him up until my deadline or let him go now?"

    So it isn't even a real ultimatum? Drunken foolishness does not count. Either make it a real ultimatum or don't...

    He is probably trying to decide if committing to you is worth it, or should he play the field more. And your drunken quasi-proposals only confuse the matter further. If you want him to commit, YOU have to commit.

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    • Wouldn't he know by now if he wants to commit or not its been over 2 years.

    • Not if he thinks you are acting merely in jest. If you want the commitment, make it plain.



    • what is jest? So what should I tell him? Say if I wanted to get engaged by the end of the summer and it will almost be 3 years by then, so how would I tell him without scaring him off? I mean I don't want to make him marry me cause he has to. I want him to marry me because he wants to. But I don't want to be checking on him like this forever. If you know what I mean. If it doesn't happen, what should I say to him?

  • He can either be insecure, or he is maybe setting up a 3some situation. One way (insecurity) won't be a good thing. Depending on your views of a 3some (whether you get along with the other woman or not) can be good if it happens.

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    • No, I don';t think he's cheating or thinking that. he has no time.

  • Do not jump to conclusions,

    you may regret it if you were not right!

    On other hand,

    if I knew you were checking my email like that,

    I would not really be pleased.

    But you know, its hard to judge who is being paranoid or if you are right to be so...

    Perhaps you should just move in, like this you seem pushy and paranoid.

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  • It sounds like he might be cheating on you

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    • Thanks but I don't think so cause he don't have any time, and there are no bedroom problems between us. He works two jobs.

What Girls Said 2

  • Sounds like he is keeping his options open to look for something better. If y'all are together, he shouldn't be on dating sites or the personals.. period.

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  • he could be cheating who knows - there was this guy on this site I was on for a while - and he was married but he wrote on his profile he was single and when I asked him why he did that he was like cause I want to

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