Dating site questions, why do all people say pretty much the same things?

I'm a guy, and this is from my perspective. Both guys and girls I'd love to hear your responses. I've been single for a while and decided to join a dating website. I really think these websites are overrated, and are a waste of money, but what do you think? I have noticed a reoccurring theme for the ladies I see on there that they say they want a real man, but give little information about what that is. Another popular one is my kid(s) are my world. Why are they on a dating website then? I've noticed some others that say they want a man that is established in his career while they work in fast food or if they even work. Another thing that confuses me is there are so many pictures they put up of themselves drinking or with other guys. Is this supposed to make them more appealing? Anyway feel free to elaborate or share some of your observations on the subject.

I'd love to hear some of your doubts or praises of dating websites.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • My assumptions... because I don't use them and I cannot know what's going through their minds lmao...

    "I have noticed a reoccurring theme for the ladies I see on there that they say they want a real man, but give little information about what that is"

    - They don't really know what they want or they are too lazy to type out what they want, or they don't want to be honest up front about what they want from a "real man".

    "Another popular one is my kid(s) are my world. Why are they on a dating website then?"

    - They want someone who's okay with their kid(s) I guess.

    "I've noticed some others that say they want a man that is established in his career while they work in fast food or if they even work."

    - They may or may not be lazy and they want someone with financial stability to take care of them or at least help them.

    Maybe they are working on their own life while they are working fast food so they just want someone who has their life together, you never know.

    "Another thing that confuses me is there are so many pictures they put up of themselves drinking or with other guys. Is this supposed to make them more appealing?"

    - Maybe they assume that is appealing that they are wanted. Maybe its their family, guy friend, friends boyfriend... who knows?

    Maybe they just thought they looked too good in that particular picture not to share and it had nothing to do with the guy.

    My overall opinion, I'd never pay money for a dating site. I'd be finding new hobbies and things to do to get out in the world and meet like minded people. If you are going to do it online look for a free one. Though I understand with free sites there may be more trolls because they aren't paying to be there so I guess its a toss up... which is why I personally think its best to just get out in the world.

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    • Thanks for your well thought out response and opinion. I do believe it is better to get out in the real world to meet someone.

What Girls Said 12

  • Saying things that are common and doing things that are common makes you appeal to a wider audience though that's useless because it also means you have a broader spectrum of competition as well. One of the things I look for in a guy when I'm online is the fact that he's unique: if he has some personality that is distinctly his and not a cookie cutter template that he says out of obligation or conformity. Like I'd never date a guy who wants sex early cause to me those men are very common and don't appreciate you and they also devalue you by increasing the number of partners you have (no guy wants a woman with a high number of partners). I also avoid guys who use only generic terms. I think the men who talk to me are also looking for somebody unique.

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    • I value a woman that's not afraid to break from the herd, as long as she doesn't overvalue herself. Like in any facet a of dating, you have to know what you want and not settle for anything less. I like that you value a long term partner you haven't met yet, over a guy that is just looking for fun right now. Thanks for the answer.

  • Great question but something in me just doesn't believe in these sites and can't even believe that people actually DO meet quality people there. So I say it's best to engage in your hobbies, maybe volunteer somewhere, and I have to do the same thing. I'd much rather just meet new people in real life, it just feels normal that way LOL

    I think though comments about a real man is about honesty and maturity, that's NOT an age thing, it's an attitude of not playing games is very likely what that means LOL I hope that helps.

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    • I agree with your assessment about meeting quality people on there. I did go on one date, she text on her phone the whole time, then informed me she had to hurry to meet another guy she met on there to go to a concert. She left without so much as a thanks for dinner or talk to you later. Dating sites are full of users as well. Thanks for the answer.

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    • Oh yeah, there was surely this ''let me take whatever I can" attitude which was just so revolting! Just reminded me of her when you mentioned this chick who didn't even thank you for dinner. Good riddance to bad rubbish lol

    • Users are everywhere, and you usually don't find out until its after the fact.

      Yep, the can leave and take their gimme attitude with them!

  • They're all heterosexual women, right? Heterosexuality is good at that... Reproducing itself, even in linguistics. In fact, that language can probably tell you a lot about how straight women think.

    I only use OKCupid & I chose the 'only women' and 'I don't want to see or be seen by straight people' options so :D I don't have to deal with any of that :D but yeah, I imagine dude's profiles have much the same ennui.

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    • as for the elusive Real Man, though, it's an interesting one. I think, the Real Man isn't actually a figure in himself. He is the negation of all the lesser men - all the men that she's met so far, probably - all the bad experiences she's had of men - who will not treat her that way. The Real Man can only be constructed by negation - ie., 'not you' when she breaks up with you ;)

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    • heterosexuals at least ;)

    • Of course... :-)

  • They're all red flags pointing to their true intention of looking for a human ATM but not a real actual relationship.

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    • Yes, I believe some have the mindset that its a cash grab. Thank you for your answer.

  • If she has multiple pictures of her with other guys she probably thinks that it makes her look outgoing and fun.

    I personally don't like dating websites because I'd rather have a story behind my relationship, like we meet in high school or we met in a coffee shop and he asked me on a date. Plus people lie or make themselves seem different than they are online.

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    • You may still get that experience when you meet them in person for the first time, and if something memorable happens on the first meeting. You always have to be careful online or in person. So many people tell lies and make themselves out to be something they're not to get over on you. Pictures with other guys make me question her intentions. Will I end up in one of her profile pics next week? Good points, thanks.

  • Very interesting. Perhaps people are missing the alignment between what they are seen as an what they want to be seen as. In this case actions speak louder than words. Profiles are the ultimate online first impressions.

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    • I think some want to make a good first impression, but others seem not to care. I've noticed lately several profiles where they are flipping off the camera as to say screw you to whoever looks at their profile.

      I think some do use it as an opportunity to portray themselves as someone they wish they were. Overall, I take it as an attention getter to get messages in their inbox. Thanks for your answer.

  • I guess they are looking for same thing after all.?

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    • I guess so. In an attempt to express their individuality, everyone ends up the same. Thanks for answering.

  • if you are too unique in what you write, people may think you are weird even if you aren't. if you are somewhat generic you will probably attract more people, on the other hand you may also seem boring and overlooked. too unique = people will think you are more offbeat than you actually are. too generic=you are boring.

    wheres the baalance? would you provide an example of what is good and not too generic?

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    • Its a fine line to walk, but if you look at it as trying to attract the type of person you want as opposed for going for the most responses, you should write what is important to you such as what you value in a perspective partner other than being a ''real man.'' The profiles that sum things up in a funny yet informational way seem to catch my attention. Thanks for your answer.

  • I always have luck with dating sites. my last three guys have been from POF. All were nice, chivalrous, made a lot of money, treated me like a princess, etc.

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    • I'm not going to take the bait on this one, but thanks for sharing your experience.

  • I've dabbled in online dating and do know what you mean. There are a lot of clichés on both men & women's profiles. I think part of this is because people just don't know what to say about themselves. A lot of people aren't good at writing in general, much less writing about themselves. Or maybe people are just generic in general and it's more obvious when you're doing a side by side comparison?

    There's a big improvement on paid sites vs. free ones from my perspective. I don't think it's a total waste of money, but I don't stay on them indefinitely, either. Most of the people I've met have tended to be professionals who are busy at work and don't meet as many people. A few of my dates have been crazy, but most were decent people. I met my last long-term boyfriend online. I do think they benefit average-looking to attractive and eloquent people more.

    My overall opinion is that online dating is no better or no worse than any other kind.

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    • Agreed. Its hard to find anyone looking for something real online or in person. I think people set their searches to cut out people they would ordinarily not overlook in person. Thank you for your answer.

    • No problem.

      On the flipside, though, you can see who to avoid more easily than in person. An example for women is the overweight guy who checks off only "slender/fit" on his search. Or the guy who uses the word "bitches" at any point in his profile, haha. Or the anyone taking a provocative picture in the bathroom mirror. ;)

  • Just because a person has children doesn't mean they want to be without romance for the remainder of their lives. Are you serious?

    Yah. Lots of women are gold digging. What is new? If those ladies had everything they needed then why would they be on a dating site?

    Do you have more respect for hard working women? A lot of people don't.

    Dating sites work for people who are a good catch themselves and are ready to really find somebody.

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    • I've known a handful of people that met their spouse on dating sites.

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    • You're the one saying women with children shouldn't bother dating. You think women without children want to date a guy with baggage... really?

    • I'm sorry, you seem confused. I asked if someone says that their kids that are thier whole world, why are they even on a dating site. Women with children are more than welcome to date, but if they truly are your whole world 24 hours a day 7 days a week, how do they find time to be on a dating site, let alone go on dates? I never said a woman with kids shouldn't date, but if her kids require her attention at all times, then she should give it to them instead of going on dates.

  • Everyone always starts out with "Well I've never been good at these summary things." or "I don't really know what to put here."

    Everytime lol

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    • Yes, that's a popular one also. Then there are those who write a book about themselves. Thanks for the observation.

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    • Ergh, so sorry. I posted my comment to the wrong person. I meant the person above. Again, so sorry about that.

    • No worries jmowen, we got ya. Thanks for the imput.

What Guys Said 8

  • Most people have something specific they are looking for online. Even if they are not aware of it themselves. The most common categories are: bf/gf, future hubby/wife, friends with benefits (usually guys), or just looking (usually girls).

    I'll lay it out bluntly, since none of this is directed at you.

    5% of Americans/Canadians are actually "established". By that, I mean they have a career (not a job). They own their condo or house (not in mortgage debt). They are independent (not living with parents at 30).

    The other 95% of people fall under this benchmark. They work in a job with no real advancement. The have already reached their salary ceiling at age 25 because they work as a tradesperson, administration staff...etc, and are limited by their advancement because they have limited education (bachelors at most).

    For the 95% of people who fall in this group, day to day life is pretty constant. Wake up - work - come home - watch TV - sleep. Cycle continues. There's really nothing special about that, and people realize that. So it's necessary to doctor up their profile to make them seem more interesting. However, most people are not that creative, and they tend to copy/paste phrases from other people's profiles. What you end up with, are 100,000 profiles - ALL saying 'I like reading, hiking, walks on the beach, bungee jumping (even though they've only gone once)...etc.."

    Does this sound familiar?

    NONE of that crap is going to land anyone a boyfriend/girlfriend. Nobody thinks "wow, this guy hikes. I love him already".

    And you are very bright to catch on to how sad and boring these profiles are.

    Try a different spin on your profile. Eliminate all of your "likes" and "dislikes". Too much screening on petty things like that actually discourage people. Instead, describe your values - which is far more important.

    Do you value your family and method of upbringing? Do you like being the center of attention in a crowd (extroverted), or do you put more effort into developing fewer and more meaningful relationships with friends (introverted)? Are you a speaker or listener? Do you prefer a stable, predictable lifestyle, or do you get bored and need to seek new adventures and interests? Family man or never want kids?

    Those are the things that MATTER when others are seeking their future someone.

    I met my fiancée online. I spoke nothing of my interests. It turns out we are EXACT OPPOSITES of each other. She is an English teacher. Horrible at sports. Likes to read. No interest in science, technology or numbers. Timid and shy. I am a scientist with an MBA. Numbers are my wet dream. I'm very athletic, hate reading and I like electronics, gadgets and love to ride motorcycles and jump out of airplanes. Nothing she does interests me. Nothing I do interests her. But we're been living together for years in perfect bliss because we believe in the same values of life.

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    • That's some great insight. Values do matter a lot more than hobbies. Thank you for answering.

  • I meet my last girlfriend online but not on a dating site. Since we broke up I have tried online dating and it seems like I continue to see the same profiles time after time with different people. I think the issue I have with the whole online dating site thing is that it is not natural. Yes it is possible to meet great people online and fall in love, but online dating sites have the basic premise where you brag about yourself, list your demands and then post photos of yourself. If you really want to get to know someone it will take a lot more than a couple sentences to understand them. I think sites where you ask questions and get to know people, you get a better idea of who you are talking to. But lets be honest, how many times have you messaged someone and they either don't respond or they respond and seem very dis-enthused? You never even spoken to them yet but they have already felt your not worthy of being with them. Why because you don't fit one of there demands. Did not ask or made an attempt to get to know you, they just skimmed your profile or glanced and your picture and said no. That is why these sites are not natural, these people can't be themselves which is why we get generic profiles.

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  • I've been on dating sites for about a year. The greatest trend I seen in about 90% of women's profiles:

    "I am a country girl looking for that country boy to take me out in his country-mudding pickup so we can go out in the country and listen to country music. I LOVE country music. Did I say I was born a country girl?"

    and when you look at their profile, they look like they are from the city. Owning a gun, camouflage, and posing with a dead deer does NOT make you an all-country girl if your profile location says you live in Chicago...

    You should make it into a drinking game: Drink every time a girl mentions "country." You won't last ten minutes...

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    • Oh yeah, the all American country girl who loves mudding, as long as you use your truck and not her compact car. I've seen so many pics with girls holding a gun or at the shooting range dressed in camoflouge, I think its an invasion. Good observation on your part. Thanks for the answer.

  • "I like to watch movies, hang out with friends, go to the local pub occasionally".

    It's sort of a bad example, but seeing all these profiles (I can't speak for the men's profiles because I'm not looking at them), it seems like women have no hobbies or interests.

    I have yet to have any functional relationship from the internet, but I'll keep trying. I'll look around in the real world, and the internet. The real world has a better track record with me so far.

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    • Yes, all the hobbies that people list seem to be the same. I don't know if their afraid to break the mold, or if dating sites attract all the same kind of people. Thanks for the answer.

  • I think people on dating sites tend to be overly picky and have unrealistic expectations for relationships... that's why you see fast food workers and cosmetologists demanding a man with a well-established, lucrative career. The ones with kids are just looking for someone to help share in their burden. As for the women who say they want a "real man" without defining what that is? I think they're just repeating what they've heard others say.

    Overall, dating sites are supposed to be the "easy" way to date, so it figures that they generally consist of lazy people who just want to make demands and then expect people to flock to them.

    I'm sure there are some okay people out there as well, so I wish you luck in your search.

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    • Thanks for the answer. I do get the feeling a lot of people on dating sites have high expectations and have little to offer themselves. I guess its easy to sit behind a keyboard and just type in whatever you think you want without having to answer any hard questions.

    • Yeah, that brings up another point about dating sites. Because it's so easy to run specific searches, I think a lot of people just see it as "shopping" for a partner... so if something isn't perfect, they assume that they can substitute it for something (or in this case, someone) else.

  • ive never been on one well for couple reasons, I'm still pretty young and I see girls all the time.

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  • cuz they're ripping off other peoples profiles.

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    • It's easier to copy someone else's ideas than to come up with your own, I've thought the same thing.

      Thanks for the answer.

  • Think of it like the business or consumer environment is. There are certain standards and norms that are held or known by many people. To deviate away from these is risky, as it could easily cause you to disqualify yourself from the chances the rest of the "pack" are still in the running for. So when there are these common behaviors and responses to things, it becomes easy to not only not question WHY you would do or not do these things for yourself, but to follow the herd without even thinking about it.

    I've noticed from friends who use dating sites that pretty much everyone on them say a whole lot of nothing, and in similar ways to each other. The same as you've already noticed:

    "I want a person that is serious but is fun at the same time. I'm a no BS person, and I'm a really funny and sarcastic person. I'm a strong woman/man and don't take crap from anyone, so if you are drama then don't bother. I'm strong, independent, and don't need someone to complete me. Don't treat me like a piece of meat."

    ...as they proceed to post pictures of themselves hiding every little flaw they feel they have, and creating an image of themselves that can only be screened like this online, to create this perfectly shopped person. "Don't look at me for my looks" is what they say, but they also subconsciously behave how humans naturally do: we see looks first and looks/attraction is the very first step of finding a partner.

    Why don't they realize this contradiction? Just as I said above, it's a process and a norm that nobody questions or thinks about. It's "just the way things are done" ;)

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    • Thanks for the answer. I like the perspective you bring, especially about the contradictions within their own profile. Yeah, the follow the herd mentality is alive and well on the dating sites.

    • On top of that, marketing plays its own role in online dating as well. Like the part above where I mentioned how people seem to all be sarcastic...sarcasm has become it's own novel form of humor lately and it seems a lot more people are at the very least interested in snarky or snide types of humor.

      But when you find out that most people aren't capable of picking up true sarcasm, let alone being able to handle it, you wonder why there's a disconnect.

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