Boyfriend clubbing without me and other such sketchy phone behavior?

This guy and I have only been official for a little bit over two months, and we seem to have a pretty solid thing going on. However, lately he's been on his phone a ton when we're together. He always angles it away from me and makes sure I can't see the screen and locks it as soon as he sends his text messages. Sometimes I jokingly ask him who he's texting and he'll never give a straight answer. I know it might sound like I'm overreacting, but in the beginning, he used to never pull his phone out and he always talked about how much he hates communicating through electronics. But see, now he's communicating a lot all the time and to people who aren't me. He barely ever tries to text me or takes initiative to call, so it's kind of offensive that all of a sudden someone else is getting way more attention and he's actually taking the initiative to communicate with them in ways that he never did with me. And I mean this would be absolutely FINE if he weren't so paranoid about me ever touching or seeing the screen of his phone. He wants me and his phone to be far far away from each other, and I've never even tried to snoop or acted like I was going to.

Also, I'm just particularly freaking out tonight because he is going clubbing without me (I asked to tag along and wasn't invited) and I know he's going to be drinking and such so it's not like he'll be making sober decisions regarding other girls who would enjoy dancing on him so yeah fun times everybody.

ANYWAYS am I overreacting or are these actual signs of sketchiness and am I probably getting cheated on right now or like have you had these kinds of experiences and what were the outcomes? Thanksssss.

Updates:
Also, is it normal for boyfriends to go clubbing without their girlfriends? I don't know if I'm supposed to be cool with it or not. I haven't done this whole relationship thing in a long while so I'm a bit rusty about these types of rules.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Honestly, I am not a huge fan of girls snooping and being really overdramatic and not giving their gus any privacy, but that is completely not what you are doing. You seem like you are respecting his privacy probably more than he deserves, and I think your worries are completely reasonable. It is very strange for him to completely 180 on his behavior from the start til now, and also go against what he says he dislikes. The fact that he never lets you see his screen while he is texting, and will not actually tell you who he is texting, even when you jokingly ask, if fishy. Those are the kinds of things a guy would be doing if he was at least texting and flirting with other girls. There is always the possbility he is setting up some huge romantic gesture, but I would only figure that if you had been dating for years.

    So long story short, after I typed a long story, I can't say if he is cheating on you, or cheating on you at the club, but I think your worries are completely justified and you do not have to feel like a "snooping bitch" or anything that a guy might call you in that situation once he is confronted.

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    • In regards to your update, I would say that yes from time to time a guy will go clubbing with his friends with just them, to have a guys night out type of thing, just as you might go out with your girlfriends without him. But not all girlfriends are okay with that, because obviously most guys are going to the club to dance and grind and do stuff that you woud rather him just do with you

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    • Well shucks :/ Thanks again for the advice, I appreciate it.

    • yeah sure anytime, sent you a friend request. message me if you ever need more advice! and its always possible he just drinks and laughs with them and doesn't do anything

What Guys Said 5

  • i think the clubbing without a girlfriend is fine. even though you are in a relationship you are still two individuals who should be able to do things independent of each other.

    the very concerning to me would be his behavior with the phone and suddenly texting and talking to peopel so much more than in the past while the behavior hasn't changed regarding you. to me that shows that there is clearly a world he is living in that he doesn't want you to be a part of

    being independent is fine but being shady is not fine and not a necessary part of being an independent individual in a relationship.

    If the clubbing thing was an isolated incident I'd say you are overreacting but it seems like tehre is more to be concerned about than just the clubbing

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  • You aren't overreacting and It seems like you're well within your rights to ask him if anything is going on. This is pretty shifty behaviour and I would definitely be jealous/awkward if I were in your position. You could be being cheated on, Going out clubbing and not wanting you to go with him seems really shifty.

    Haven't had these experiences before, but if I can empathetically put myself in your position, you seem to be reacting in a normal way.

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  • Yes I have had those experiences before. My x of 28 years ago, actually. Not to make you any more paranoid, but I should have trusted my instincts about her. She had been calling my work all day one day and after work and going home, I went to her house, but she wasn't there. I waiting for a while and her little sister and brother beat her home who she was suppose to be watching, so I stayed there with them to wait until her Mom got there. After a while she came home and the first thing I noticed, I couldn't miss actually, she had a huge hickey on her neck. The second time, again home from work after she had been calling my work all day, I got to her house that day and heard music playing before I got to the door. I was able to see through the door and she was standing up in a chair giving some guy a chair dance. I don't know if it was me choosing to deny it or what, but I listened to her and yet again gave her the benefit of doubt. One day a friend of mine called to relieve his conscious after giving her a ride one evening they did more than ride, they slept together. Needless to say it was no doubt over.

    I've learned not to get jealous over the years, it does no good if a person doesn't care anyway. However you look awesome to me, and me, and I wouldn't want to lose somebody like you. So the last thing I would want to do is make you think something was going on behind your back. And if he's going partying without you and it's nothing like a bachelors party, I would be concerned about that. That most defiantly at the minimum give rise to some serious suspicions, that and the phone thing. One thing is for sure, he has to feel very confident for whatever reason that you're not going anywhere or he wouldn't be heading off to a club leaving you behind or he just don't care.

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  • Even without the mention of the phone,this isn't good.

    Why is he going to these places and not inviting you to go too?

    If you're not already being cheated on,it's about to happen.Tell him to take his phone and piss off.The girl who sends him text messages might like to be with a cheater,but you don't.

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  • If he is not making you his absolute number one priority there has to be something wrong with him. You are drop dead gorgeous. Especially in a kinda new relationship this is weird.

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What Girls Said 1

  • one of my ex's was doing this. turns out he was cheating, I know you probably don't want to hear this but I would drop him now, you would feel better dropping him before you know for sure and you seem like the bigger person. Even if he wasn't cheating that kind of behaviour is fishy or shows he doesn't trust you. Could you see yourself ending up with a person that acts that way. He is showing his true colours to you now that you have been dating for sometime.

    i wish I had better news, I wish people were more honest with me when I was going through something like that.

    good luck

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