After all this, just calls "drunk and wants to fuck"?!

I had been seeing a guy for about a year who had just gotten out of a 7 year relationship so he said he didn't want to get serious. We have known each other since high school (I'm 23) and he cheated on his girlfriend with me a few years ago (I felt horrible and ended that, but it took him another year to confess it to his girlfriend). Things were rocky from the start because I wanted more, and he said things like he "could" love me. It screwed with my mind, and I thought if I gave him time it would work out. Back in November he told me very honestly that he was seeing a huge improvement in my mood, that I seemed really happy and that he was really happy for me, it felt like it meant a lot. A week later he saw a guy completely randomly kiss me out of no where at a party. He immediately told me he didn't want to "hook up with me if I was going to let random guys make out with me" it was completely unreasonable because we were not exclusive. When we talked about it later he claimed not to care and when I took a while to answer a text of his about it he just texted back "Fuck Off!" We didn't talk for a few weeks after that. I got a weird blank text message from him and a missed call at around one am about two weeks after he told me to fuck off. I called him back a few days later, although I hadn't planned to. He told me simply he called because he was "drunk and wanted to fuck." This is a guy who has good, kind friends who also think of him as a good person. I have never been treated this way by a guy before and I am extremely confused. I texted him the next day telling him that the next time he was "drunk and wants to fuck" to forget my number. I didn't get a response and that was over a month ago. Please tell me what the hell this means? I want to move on, but I still care about him and don't know why he acted like this.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • First of all what do you mean by he "could" love you and giving him time? does that mean you were going out with him while hoping he would actually love you?

    My impression here is one of miscommunication. You thought you weren't exclusive but he may be thinking it's more than that. It also seems that he thought you'd be there for him until he's ready to take your relationship to the next level but seeing you kiss another guy shook up his confidence and trust in you.

    Oh well.. my point is stop dilly-dallying and make it clear. Do you guys wanna date or not? do you still want to hook up with him or do you want to just cut off your friendship? make it clear to him (and to yourself)

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    • This is a very thought provoking response! He is the one who told me he "could" love me when I asked him if he was in love with me. I feel like I deserve an apology, but he hasn't given me one. He really tried to tell me he didn't care that that guy kissed me, that's why I'm confused about how he feels. I'm scared to try to talk to him again because of how cruel it was for him to say he had only called because he was "drunk and wants to fuck."

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    • thank you! do you think there is something here to salvage? He just sounded so cold the last time we talked.

    • Sure.. as long as both sides have good will. You need to be really patient with this type of person though..

What Guys Said 7

  • He WAS in love with you UNTIL he saw another man kiss you or vise versa he got really jealous basically. You said ya'll werent exclusive and that it wasn't fair. well to him ya'll were exclusive and that really fucked things up. see it from his side. put yourself in his shoes. how would you act?

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  • he isn't taking things seriously. he wants you to be his exclusive f*ck buddy while he dangles the possibility of a relationship in front of you to keep you happy.

    I would just let him go. I don't see much good coming of it.

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  • It was his fault for not saying he wanted anything serious. It was all an act. Some guys do that because we want to make the girl to chase after us. So it appears that he was a lot more into the whole thing than you have thought.

    The things he said to you is because he really got hurt and at that stage a lot of people become very unreasonable.

    What I think is that he is trying to process the exclusiveness that was not granted. This is guys logic (I've been there): since you did not grant exclusiveness, it is perfectly normal to just drunk call to fuck. Yes this is immature.

    So now that you have not have any contact for month maybe you can meet and talk like adults about this. If you decide to move on this can really help.

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    • I would like to but now I'm really hurt by how he told me he just called to fuck. It was such a cold and disgusting thing to say. Also, he is touring in Europe right now and I am moving to france for a few months (I'm coming back though, obviously). There literally won't be a chance to see him in person for another 4 months.

    • Yes and I understand this, it was a rude thing to say. Does he know that it hurt you? Maybe you should write him a handwritten letter. If he has no address where you can send it to at the moment, just take a picture and E-mail it to him. You might even decide to not send it to him in the end - just the process of writing down your thoughts directed to him might help you in gaining closure. It has definitely helped me before.

    • I feel like he knows it hurt me because of the text I sent him the next day telling him the next time he was "drunk and wants to fuck" to FORGET MY NUMBER. and yes, I did capitalize that in the text message too. I feel like how could he not know that hurt?

  • So you've had casual sex with him many times, and are confused as to why he'd treat you ... like someone who might be down for casual sex?

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    • after he told me to "fuck off" and basically refused to talk to me, you think it makes sense that he sends me a blank text, calls me at one in the morning, and then two days later when I contact him he claims it was just for sex? that's just hard to believe. And sure, you can call this "casual" sex, but would you get mad and tell a girl you were having "casual" sex with to fuck off?

    • I don't generally tell any people to fuck off, but those who do tend to say it to ... well anyone.

      I'm not sure why you're putting casual in quotes. You're not a committed couple, so its casual. Does he get jealous? Yes. Does he want to settle down? I'm guessing no.

    • I put casual in quotes because why is he getting mad (but also then claiming not to get mad) when a guy kisses me out of nowhere (I for sure did not initiate it) if we're a non committed relationship? I also just don't like the term " casual relationship" because I don't think they can really exist.

  • There is nothing worse a man with conscious...oh wait...there is...this guy is a prime example of a weak-minded, issue-riddled, jealous, possessive, immature bullshitter. Steer clear. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. you will laugh about this guy 20years from now because he is the type of guy that never changes.

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  • Obviously he's not taking you seriously. The first red flag was when he cheated on his ex with you, he could easily do the same to you.

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    • sure, so you believe a cheater is always a cheater?

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    • does it sound like he cares about more than just sex? I feel like he does, but I feel like I just don't understand guys anymore.

    • What he said... but sounds like he doesn't and will eventually cheat on you.

  • shhh! the alcohol is speaking...

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What Girls Said 4

  • Forget this loser. He sounds like he is emotionally unstable and doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground. He is definitely not ready for a relationship, he has no respect for you and probably any other girl, he is sporadic, unpredictable, OBNOXIOUS, and loves playing mind games. Obviously anyone who thinks he is "good" has not seen his bad side, just poor innocent girls like yourself who fall victim to this clown. Consider it a blessing you didn't get a response from Bozo and haven't heard from him in over a month. More than likely he got bored with you, sweetie, and has moved on to his next victim, which YOU should be doing too---MOVING ON, that is. Let this "loser love" experience teach you a lesson in the future what to look for--and avoid---when it comes to major jerks. Good luck.

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  • if I were you I would not want to associate myself with people complicated people. 23 is the age to develop your career and at the same time live a happy and carefree life, and not be tied down to all these kinds of uneccesary stress.

    He’s confused with his life and you're being dragged into it.

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  • Any guy who's gonna expose you to too much ups and downs can't be good for you. You have too care more about YOU when the person you are involved with does not care enough. Be strong. You told him what he needed to hear. Don't be sorry for that. He asked for it.

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  • You need to do no contact with this guy so you can move on

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