Co-worker looked at my online dating profile!

A few weeks ago, I logged onto my OKCupid profile as I'd not been on it for a while. I'd had about 10 visitors to my profile, so I scanned down the little pics to see if anyone caught my eye. I thought one guy looked cute so I clicked on his profile for a nosy. Then, when I saw the larger photos I realized that I work with him... I immediately clicked off his profile, embarrassed. Then, I logged off and went in again under another, anonymous, identity so I could have a proper look without him knowing it was me. But, of course he'd have seen that I'd visited his profile.

I didn't see him at all for weeks as he was on Christmas holidays. But he started back this week. I went into the kitchen today to heat up my soup. And he came in shortly after. My soup was in the microwave and I realized I didn't have a spoon. Getting one was going to involve walking past him. So, I took a deep breath and rounded the corner.

He turned round as I approached and I went, "Hi! How's it going?!" in an awkward and excessively chirpy manner. He just looked at me as if I'd caught him doing something he shouldn't be and went "Hi" in a flat sort of voice. It was so embarrassing. I felt like my legs were made of jello, yanked the drawer open, grabbed a spoon and Marched off back to the microwaves. I had lunch with some other co-workers and he went back to his desk.

So, that was embarrassing. I'm just glad that I didn't answer too many of the sex questions on OKCupid. He answered more of them, and more specific ones. So, I know that he loves giving oral. More awkwardness, great.

I really wish that I'd just messaged him on the site and jokingly said something along the lines of "Hi, imagine seeing you here!" then maybe it wouldn't have been so embarrassing at work? A couple of my friends have said "Why aren't you going to pursue it?" and well, aside from the obvious embarrassment and awkwardness work relationships aren't always a good idea. I mean, there's several couples at work and it's not frowned upon at all, but ugh. He's kinda cute, and funny but I hadn't even thought of him in that way before. Now I'm thinking of him all the time and wondering. And I don't even know if he likes me. I mean, he looked at my profile, but that doesn't mean anything. We had a high compatibility percentage (over 85%) but he must have not known it was me when he clicked on it. And although I'm funny and not unattractive I'm so dorky and awkward around guys, he could be thinking, "OMG, why did I click on her profile?! She's awful! And now she'll think I like her!"

He deleted his profile a few days ago. So maybe he's even dating someone. Who knows.

I was even thinking maybe I should email him at work, but maybe not. Sigh.

Updates:
This was supposed to be posted under "Behavior" but for some reason it's come under "Sexuality"? Not sure if it can be moved!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You know I would just approach it like something funny, just to get the awkwardness away. Like just hey I saw you had a OKcupid account, I do to, how has it worked out for you? Use it as something in common, like stumbling upon it and wanting to know if it's has been a good experience not like a hook up thing. You might get a more relaxed opinion. If he has a girlfriend then maybe I was on it till I met someone.or I noticed you had one as well.

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    • OP here. Great answer! I might even make a little joke, "Could have been worse, could have been a fetish site or something haha" to try and lighten the mood. I think we were both pretty embarrassed yesterday. Although we work in the same room he's not around me much so who knows when I'll get a chance to talk to him. But I don't want things being awkward because he's nice and it's the kind of workplace where everyone gets on and chats to one another, awkwardness isn't fun!

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    • Hey, I ended up sending him a message on FB, explaining I'd been feeling awkward about it all and seeing him in the kitchen. He was totally cool with it, and said he'd not been feeling well that day and that was why he wasn't so chatty and he had a little joke about it all. So I think things are fine between us.

    • Awesome, that is great. :)

What Guys Said 6

  • He may be as uncomforatable about the situation as you are. And he may have removed his profile not because he's dating someone but because he's embarrassed about you knowing about and checking out his online profile. Enidega has some good ideas as to how to approach him about the situation. You shouldn't email him at work because those emails become company records. You should keep this personal and private.

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    • He certainly seemed so yesterday! I was hoping he'd just chat like we normally do but all he managed was a hi. Possibly he's more embarrassed than I am, because he was the one who started it lol. I won't email him at work, too many people around my desk anyway haha.

  • Haha, you sound so cute and awkward during this whole story.

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    • Is that a good thing? :) I hope so. I hate being so awkward around guys!

  • If he deleted his profile, he's probably met someone.

    No shame about being on a dating site. I have two (girl) friends who are there as well. Checked their profile, but who cares ? It's just seeing a profile, and a joke to come when we meet in person.

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    • I've seen people I know on these sites before, but never co-workers. And, when I have noticed someone I know on them, there's no way I'd have looked at their profile in case they thought I'd been checking them out. The problem with OKC is that the visitors photos are tiny so you don't get a good look at them. So he's possibly seen my pic and thought Hmm, she looks kinda cute clicked on it and then thought oh shit! Well, that's what I did with his anyway haha.

    • Ah, don't worry anyway. There's no shame being single and looking for a partner. Don't worry about that, it's all cool.

  • Lol sounds cool and way over thinking it, saw girl from pof other day chatting with my friend I just thought to call her out and be like her aren't you on the pof!

    He likes oral hopefully you like receiving ;) Can't go wrong with that?

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    • I'm a terrible over thinker. I scrutinize every single thing. Especially when it comes to men. The thing is I don't know this guy very well, he's one of the ones I'll be "Hi, how's it going?" and maybe a little bit of general chat but I don't know him as well as some of the others. Although it would be embarrassing regardless of who it was.

      Haha, maybe I should say tell him that?!

  • Lol, that whole thing is cute and funny. Its not a biggie, everybody who's single is on a dating site. Flirt with him and see what happends.

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    • True, it's not the "only for freaks and weirdos" outlet that it used to be. I might try joking with him about it, I'm rubbish at flirting. Even if he is a bit flirtable ;)

  • Adorable! Just freaking start TALKING TO HIM!

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    • I'll try. But he wasn't for talking yesterday. Maybe it will get easier? I just wish I'd messaged him on the site, got it over with. I hadn't counted on it being so awkward at work. And maybe he liked my pic on the site but when he saw it was me freaked out because we work together? As I said, there's a few couples at work but could be he's against that kind of thing. I have my reservations too, but it can work sometimes.

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