32 Year-Old Virgin Seeks Dating Advice

Here's the problem: I'm 32 years old & have never even kissed a girl.

I was sexually abused as a child & struggle with depression and have never dated much. The last girl I went out with was 29 years old, and we dated 6 times -- that was more than I'd ever dated one person, but we never got physical. Even hugging or cuddling would have been wonderful, but I was too inhibited to ask why she'd asked me out first, but wouldn't even hold my hand after 2 or 3 dates -- turns out she was "on a break" with another guy. Ugh.

I'm intelligent and attractive and have a good job, but when it comes to dating, I feel very confused. I'm tired of making excuses and lying about why I'm single when I'm such a catch. I really want to date more, but it feels like I'm learning at 32 the kinds of things people usually learn when they're 15 years old. Better late than never.

I'm tired of the catch-22: I'm embarrassed by my inexperience, which leads me to avoid dating, which leads to more embarrassment & shame. If I don't break the cycle, it's gonna be that way till I die.

I'm not (necessarily) looking to get laid just to do it, but my inexperience is going to come up, eventually. It's not like I expect a date to laugh at me when I tell her my history, but I'm nervous about it all the same.

So I guess I'm asking for advice on how to handle this dilemma.

Updates:
Thanks for all the helpful feedback, everyone. I am in therapy and I am trying internet dating for the first time in a few years.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It really sucks when you have insecurities about relationships to begin with and the person turns out to be a dick (the girl on a break sigh). But your problem is more common than you think. My sister is in her late twenties, she is beautiful and intelligent, and has never been kissed. She has just always been a shy girl, and the older she gets, the more awkward she feels about it. She started going to therapy to help her overcome her blocks in regards to the mental confines of insecurity, and went to a singles group where a lot of people had similar problems. It has definitely helped her feel less awkward about her sexual status. Internet dating also helped her because it is more about developing a mental connection first, then the physical stuff arises later, and it is easier when you're emotionally comfortable with someone to broach the lack of experience topic. I don't know if this advice helps at all; my advice to you is try talking to someone, get involved in situations where you are going to meet kind people, and good luck. I'm a firm believer there's a few great people out there for everyone, and a truly great girl would be excited by your inexperience and want to teach you to be a great and caring lover.

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What Girls Said 5

  • I would take it slow when you start dating. Its not like you have to put it out there the first date. The 6 dates girl was wrong for doing that. It sounds like you could get any girl you are just afraid of being intimate with her. Take all the time you need. If she doesn't want to wait then I would tell her. You have to take baby steps. Just like with any relationship. When you least expect it you will meet the perfect girl and it will come easy talking to her about it.

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  • I wise person once quoted: "Learn to love yourself and others will follow".

    I think you just need to find yourself and your values. That's the only way you find a woman who will love you for who you are.

    At this age most guys are ready to settle down and just start a family, however since you've experienced something traumatic as a child, my suggestion is to just date around, you will find confidence when the right girl comes around. It's not easy but date all types of girls, and don't discriminate on how they look or ethnicity.

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  • Have you tried online dating? A site like e-harmony or something like that? It may be beneficial for you to meet a few women online and build up trust that way so when you meet in person everything is already out there on the table. You can easily guard your heart and find women at the same time. Don't be embarrassed! And good luck!!

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  • I know you have your doubts, but it will happen for you. I think the important thing is that you focus on your own comfort with regards to women. You need to take it slow when you find someone special otherwise you'll scare yourself. With little bits of progress, you will make yourself proud and confident and able to advance towards the next step. It only gets easier every time.

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  • First off, I just want to say that I am so sorry about everything that happened to you as a child. That stinks. Also,I know girls who think that virgins are attractive. VERY attractive. I think it's really sweet that you are a virgin and have never kissed a girl before.

    I come from a very emotionally unstable family. People in depression right and left, and they still found love. Just the tiniest boost of confidence would make you very appealing.

    You really sound like a great catch. You just have to put yourself out there more. You're gonna be just fine.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Ask your female friends to hook you up with their single friends. Ask your mates to help you out. Also when you meet women it's best to be honest and say something like "I'm not that good with women" so their not surprised by your inexperience.

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  • I was abused also, but it has not stopped me from dating and having sex. It just made me more difficult! Self Esteem issues. I AM 33, YOU STILL HAVE TIME! It is never to late to date!

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