Here's the problem: I'm 32 years old & have never even kissed a girl.
I was sexually abused as a child & struggle with depression and have never dated much. The last girl I went out with was 29 years old, and we dated 6 times -- that was more than I'd ever dated one person, but we never got physical. Even hugging or cuddling would have been wonderful, but I was too inhibited to ask why she'd asked me out first, but wouldn't even hold my hand after 2 or 3 dates -- turns out she was "on a break" with another guy. Ugh.
I'm intelligent and attractive and have a good job, but when it comes to dating, I feel very confused. I'm tired of making excuses and lying about why I'm single when I'm such a catch. I really want to date more, but it feels like I'm learning at 32 the kinds of things people usually learn when they're 15 years old. Better late than never.
I'm tired of the catch-22: I'm embarrassed by my inexperience, which leads me to avoid dating, which leads to more embarrassment & shame. If I don't break the cycle, it's gonna be that way till I die.
I'm not (necessarily) looking to get laid just to do it, but my inexperience is going to come up, eventually. It's not like I expect a date to laugh at me when I tell her my history, but I'm nervous about it all the same.
So I guess I'm asking for advice on how to handle this dilemma.
Most Helpful Girl
It really sucks when you have insecurities about relationships to begin with and the person turns out to be a dick (the girl on a break sigh). But your problem is more common than you think. My sister is in her late twenties, she is beautiful and intelligent, and has never been kissed. She has just always been a shy girl, and the older she gets, the more awkward she feels about it. She started going to therapy to help her overcome her blocks in regards to the mental confines of insecurity, and went to a singles group where a lot of people had similar problems. It has definitely helped her feel less awkward about her sexual status. Internet dating also helped her because it is more about developing a mental connection first, then the physical stuff arises later, and it is easier when you're emotionally comfortable with someone to broach the lack of experience topic. I don't know if this advice helps at all; my advice to you is try talking to someone, get involved in situations where you are going to meet kind people, and good luck. I'm a firm believer there's a few great people out there for everyone, and a truly great girl would be excited by your inexperience and want to teach you to be a great and caring lover.2