Girls/guys: Do you consider that this date went well?

•My date and I had dinner in a nice restaurant,In the middle of ordering I gave her a "Happy Belated Birthday" present.She opened the small present up and loved it and kissed me on my lips.Then I paid for the meal while she really wanted to buy me a drink.At the start of the night we told each other our ages,Shes 30 and I'm 20 and she said is that okay with you,And I said yeah,And she said we will take things slow and she how it goes,And then she said whatever your family thinks of me you should do that.We Sat down for a few hours and drank and talked,She laughed a good number to times and it seem she was having fun.While chatting we got in to a conversation with eyes and I said what do you see? and she said "A guy I really like"

•Then we left the restaurant I opened the doors for her as you do,When we came outside she held my hand a we walked up to a pub she liked,We got drinks,chatted,Danced for like 30mins. She then said at 12:00 that her sister could only collect her in 30-60mins because they live 25mins driving distance away,But we still went on dancing and chatting and a bit of flirting...At around 12:40 her sister was outside and she had to go,She said "I had a great night thank you" kissed me on my lips and then kissed me on my cheek and when she left the building outside she waved at me.

•The thing is...I always have to text her first which I don't like...She never texts me until I text her - For example if I text her we will have a big long conversation but if I don't text her she doesn't text me and I don't know why a relationship can't be like that? Any advice? Thanks.

PS: This is the message I got back after when I said to her "Good morning and how are you?" day after the date: link


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What Girls Said 1

  • To me it's seems that your date went very well! "A guy I really like" is not something a woman say randomly. She kissed you several time, and seemed to reallly enjoyed her night. She did not get bored, right? We do get bored if we're not interested...

    Plus, she's older than you, and though I've never experimented such a relationship, I guess I understand why she would not text you first. Women lose confidence as they grow older, and though 30 is young, the gap between you is enough to make her feel insecure and think twice before texting you. She probably does not want to "scare" you away, I mean, just imagine the opposite situation: you being ten year older than her. She's 20, young wild and free ^^... jailing her with texts would be the best way to make her flee away.

    So I really think she's letting you independence, and doesn't want to be a burden. We are proud...

    Don't worry, just keep going, slow, just like she said, and make her feel wanted and secure. Good luck :)

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    • Thank you for your advice.

      I didn't text her today...Do you think I should?

      I love talking to her...But I feel weak texting her first all the time...And I don't want her to lose interest in me :)

    • Welc :) Yeah, I can understand the feeling.

      Well there is too possibilities. Either you don't text her today, so maybe she'll think of you and wonder why you're not texting, and get frustrated over it. And then you text tomorrow and if she's interested (which it seems she is) she will be relieved and more than happy to recieve your text.

      Or you assure her that you does not want to rush her, but still explain how you feel about always texting first. There nothing to be ashamed of, it's very nor

    • - normal to feel insecure because of that. And she'll probably understand it too. Maybe it's what she's looking for: you telling/showing her that you need to be reassured, that you need her attention.

What Guys Said 1

  • The date went extremely well. You're having a cognitive distortion about it because of one thing you didn't like.

    ex: An A student gets a B on a test. He thinks to himself "I'm a failure". That's a cognitive distortion.

    You overlook the good because of something out of place. Now sure, I agree with your "why doesn't she text me first" mentality. Because me also being a man who doesn't often feel empowered, feel like I deserve to know that someone wants me...

    But look at the story you just told. She put forth SO MUCH EFFORT for you and you didn't even think for a second that it empowered you. It allowed you to know that you could send that message and know that it was your turn to return the favor of being vulnerable. Again and again you mention "She kissed me". I'm sure if you think about it a minute you'll find she did more for you than you had to hope for.

    So don't be that way, realize what you do have and just go with it. Guys like us, look at the things we can actually recognize like the balance of power as it pertains to a text or who makes the first move, or who comes makes the effort to go see the other person. But then you have ALL this other stuff you don't recognize like that kiss or anything else she did for you... in fact. She did come to see you! Come on now. I think you owed her that text.

    At just look what happened- she was waiting for the opportunity to thank you and tell you what was on her mind. Yes. She got that one over on you (because like me you don't like showing vulnerability) but you have tons more on her. That shows you are both equally invested in the kindling of your relationship.

    Try to recognize and be thankful for the things she does for you that might make her uncomfortable that empower you, so that when you have the chance to be vulnerable for her you'll be ready and she'll be thankful. Just look at that text. She adores you man.

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    • Thank you greatly for your advice!

      1 last question: Should I keep texting her first? And how many times should I contact her within the week? I love talking to her...But I feel weak texting her first all the time...And I don't want her to lose interest in me :)

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    • Of course with that being an older woman, I've learned they aren't that difficult. She should truly understand where you're coming from.

    • Thanks.

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