Girls, how do we know when you want to be kissed?

So it's a little late for these answers to do me much good, but maybe by asking the question I can help other struggling and confused men out there.

I'm not *only* asking about how we should know at the end of a date, after we've walked you to your door. A kiss isn't always wanted then, but it's traditional enough that both sides know to watch each other for clues.

Please do share what clues you're sending at that time.

But also in other situations: say you've been hanging out together, you're both unattached and there might be some chemistry - the guy thinks there is but he can't read your mind, and it wasn't an actual date.

It's a very stressful, high-stakes moment for a guy.

If I lean in and try to kiss her, and she welcomes it, I've done it. If not though, and she pulls away, I'm finished. If I don't do this now, will I get another chance? or is she waiting for me to kiss her now, and if I don't will she give up on me and move on?

I mean, we're talking only chance, now-or-never, we're either damned if we do or we're damned if we don't kind of moment here.

I realize that you may not be sure yourself in some situations if you want to be kissed or not, but once you're reached that point you're possibly open to the idea.

Are there any hints we should (in my case, should have, back in the day) pay attention too?

Updates:
Thanks everyone for so many great answers!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Be conscious of her personality and if she seems like the kind to make things awkward even in...awkward situations. If you go in for the kiss and she was either not expecting it and caught off guard, there's no reason things should be nipped in the bud over it. The sooner things get physical on your part then the deal is sealed, and I don't mean with just sex. That's how so many men get caught up in the friendzone because when the opportunity presented itself, the man didn't just go in fearless and us women don't forget it. Good luck.

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What Girls Said 4

  • OK well personally I would probably try to touch the guy (in an innocent way obviously) like whether it be his face or his arm or something like that. I'd lean in close to him and probably be really giggly/shy round about him. I'd possibly look into his eyes then to his mouth (linger my eyes there for a bit) then look at his eyes again. Who knows, maybe I'd even verbally drop a hint or start talking about kissing. Check her body language, is she leaning into you? Is her body language pointing towards you?

    That's some things that I'd do. Maybe I'd even hug him a lot. It would definitely be some from of behaviour that's different from the way I act around every other guy, so just keep watching how she is around you and how she is around other guys. You could maybe even place a little cheek on her kiss very playfully and see how she responds to this.

    Generally speaking though, you should know if she wants to kiss you or not. Unless she's shy...but usually if I want to kiss a guy I can't hide it.

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  • "A little late to do you much good?" Um, I am 43 and I am still very much in the dating scene and yes *gasp* even kissing. LOL Don't roll over dead until someone closes the casket (=

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    • Ha! I'm 43 too. I guess by a little late to do me much good, I meant I'm attached and not on the dating scene. But if the future holds some horrible tragedy and one day I'm a widower, after a couple years of inconsolable sadness, I'll remember these pointers and be better off for them!

    • I love your answer!

    • I'm attached too and not on the dating scene, no way.

  • i honestly have no clue, as I'm usually just hoping the guy will kiss me on a date. I've had guys ask me if they could kiss me, and I'm flattered and say yes. and when I was unsure about a guy friend, I invited him over with me to a friend's house, and let her tell him.

    but even if it's a guy I'm already with, if he just lunges at me with his mouth, that's guaranteed to not get results.

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  • try touching her hand first on a date and see how she reacts. if she is okay with a little physical flirt, then, you can do the hair playing. compliment on how nice her hair is touch her hair. you get the idea. so its not just wanting to put your face into hers at night.

    at the end, you can look her into her eyes if she is also looking at you and smiling its a good sign. then you can lean in for a nice hug and a tap on her cheek.

    hope it helps.

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What Guys Said 4

  • I really don't know: decades (and a grown up son and happily married together) later she still says me she expected me to try to kiss her that first time I invited her to a show... I suppose she isn't the only one. I'd say, try it but be ready to back off before it's happened, at the first negative reaction (like stiffening of her muscles)

    You'll be more easily pardoned for trying (without forcing!) than for not trying at all.

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    • So true. I guess I'd say to guys: be sure and have an exit strategy!

  • Pretending to accidently touching her is the best way to start mate

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  • being toutchy is a place to start

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  • Always assume it's wanted - go in slow and look for her negative reaction.

    If you don't see one, kiss her.

    If you do see one, then just back away and realize you didn't read the situation right. It's no biggie, but at least now you know she's not into you.

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