Someone please give me advice?

Been dating a guy now for a little over a month. He always talked about his friend Nicole.. I had an odd feeling about it but I ignored it because I have plenty of guy friends and I understand, And I'm not the jealous type. . Well, Last night I found out a lot of stuff and I'd like to hear what other people think... How would you feel? What would you say? Would you continue to date him..

He met her two years ago. They hang out every single weekend and talk everyday. He said "shes the best, she goes with the flow and loves going out , plus she always drives"... Said that yeah she comes over and they hang out, watch movies, or whatever, he claims she wants to play with his dog.. She also wants a relationship with him but he said that now she has accepted that he doesn't want the same thing. But they do things like dinner and happy hour together.. and everything I guess. sounds like a dating relationship without the sex..that he also claims never happen... Also, Apparently he dated a girl over the summer and Nicole hated everything about her.. ha of course she hated her.

I told him I'm not comfortable with dating a man you has a woman he already treats like a girlfriend. He said that If I prove myself to be "the one" that I would be the one there doing everything with him.. and everything would fall into place...And then he says he feels that I am the one for him.. lmao... thoughts?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • this doesn't sound like a great situation

    Chris Rock has a bit in his old stand up about how women usually keep a guy around just in case. He called it "dick in a box" or something and that it's like a fire alarm if she had to, all she did was break the glass and used it. It sounds like this is what the guy is doign with this girl. He probably doesn't have deep romantic feelings for her but she is an 'if all else fails' option. If he truly likes you he should see how this relationship may impact you and rather than give you an ultimatum (step up or she stays) he'd try and be empathetic.

    I get having female friends. I have them and wouldn't want my girlfriend to try and squash them, but this clearly goes a step beyond platonic friendship, and the nail in the coffin is that she has romantic feelings for him. so she is always going to be a voice in his head subverting his romantic relationships.

    I'd beware...this sounds like a red flag

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What Guys Said 4

  • I would not be comfortable with their relationship if I were you...especially considering that she's got feelings for him. All it takes is one drunken night and they're hooking up. She's too involved in his life, and I don't think you have any desire to date her.

    How have you dated a guy for a month but never met this girl he sees every weekend?

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    • That's my point exactly.. He goes out with her and doesn't invite me. On NYE I wanted to hang out with him because he said he was doing nothing.. he ignored me all night. Then at 3 am he text me saying to come over. Turned out he was with Nicole. This happen on Sunday too.. He said he'd see me after the football game and then I never heard from him until 4am he text me to come over and get in bed with him. Next day I find out he was with Nicole.

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    • Believe his actions. If you like the way he's acting towards you, then stick with it. If you feel like you are just convenient when Nicole isn't available, then I wouldn't be that impressed with the relationship.

    • Thank you ..

  • This screams do not see this guy. That whole phone call to come over to get in bed with him. Seriously? And he spent New Year's Eve with Nicole instead of you? Move on

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  • I personally don't think you have to much to worry about ... He has a best friend that is female and is doing things with her as he would his best guy friend(s)

    What I would be PISSED about is the IF YOU PROVE YOURSELF BIT ... ! !

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    • exactly! like, wtf? Does he shit diamonds or something? What ever happen to a man winning over the women.. now what? I gotta roll out some red carpet.. The way he said that makes it seem like he knows she won't be in his life once he has a gf/wife/family.. but he isn't willing to lose her right now since I need to prove myself? Sorry that sounds like more than a friend. If she was JUST his friend he wouldn't say something like that.. he would tell me she's his friend and that's that.

  • He isn't sleeping with her, so she's not his pseudo girlfriend, or pretend girlfriend, or backup girlfriend.

    So long as he puts your needs ahead of hers, you're fine.

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    • This weekend he said he would hang with him on Sunday night.. but then I never heard from him until 4 am .. he asked me to come over and get in bed with him... I said no obviously.. the next day I ask him what happen and where was he.. he said he ended up getting so drunk and was with nicole. ...is your response the same now knowing that?

    • My response is the same, but he's not putting your needs ahead of hers.

      Think it through.

What Girls Said 3

  • This means he is so into Nichole. It seems like he is more into her then he is into you. And I'm pretty sure that what ever happens between you to goes back to Nichole. You can be comfortable about a guy having girls as friends during a relationship but you also have to watch out and make sure that it doesn't turn into something else. The more they hang out feelings can sometimes develop. You may not feel jealous but deep inside their friendship is making you rethink your relationship. You should lose this guy don't waste you time with someone who is probably not over a "friend" .

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  • That last comment about him proving himself?...um... this was it. This was his shot, the repetitive convo's ab this will just sound like complaining because he can't hear it. Save the future therapy bill and keep it movin'.

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  • Give him a chance to prove him self.If he is right then go ahead otherwise leave him.

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