Is dating really a game and how do I win?

I'm in my 40's, and I've had a few long term relationships that have all ended badly.

I went for many years without dating, although I am trying online dating now, without success. When people say "I can't believe you don't have a boyfriend!" it makes me feel like there is something wrong with me, and THAT must be why I don't have a boyfriend.

I have been told I am beautiful, although I don't see it. I do look younger than my 40-something years, and I know I am smart and funny. Believe it or not, I am an extrovert. I am outgoing, even with people I have just met.

What am I doing wrong? People say dating is a game. I am a very genuine person so playing games does not come naturally to me.

I don't even know how to tell if a guy is "hitting" on me. What does that even mean?

I have never had a man "chase" me. How do I get a man to hit on me and then chase me?

If I am out at a bar, for example, either with friends or alone, men never approach me. I feel so defective and pathetic. I want a relationship, I don't want to end up a spinster.

I feel like there is a language everyone but me can speak and understand. I would appreciate any advice. Thank-you.

Updates:
I still am not having luck knowing if I am being "hit on" and I wouldn't know how to respond anyway. How do I know, how do I "flirt" back, and how do I get guys to approach me in the first place? That is where things stand now. No better, but thanks for your helpful insight so far.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • There is nothing wrong with you. Many people are in the same situation. When people say dating is a game , they don't mean being in genuine. They mean that it is not a straight forward logical thing.

    In your pictures in the online dating, make sure you smile and show teeth. Sometimes guys think women in their 40s are bitter or something. Which is definitely not true. Your profile should be optimistic, playful but realistic. Have standards but be reasonable.

    Have you tried speed dating? Singles events ?

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    • Thanks for answering. Men have complimented me on my online profile and pictures. I will consider speed dating and singles events. My problem, I think, is with "technique". I wouldn't know how to approach a guy at a party or club. I'd really like to know how to get them to approach ME. And how do I know if a guy is hitting on me?

    • Show All
    • Thanks so much for all of this great advice!

    • It is my pleasure. I thrive on helping my fellow humans :)

What Guys Said 1

  • I don't see dating as a game at all there are real people and real feelings involved and if you act like it is a game then someone could get hurt badly.

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