Why won't she text me first, and how do I ask her to be my girlfriend?

Two questions, might be kind of long but I'd appreciate it if I could get some solid answers. Thanks in advance.

Quick Note: We're both 18+

So this girl I've been seeing will never text me first. We've acknowledged that we both like each other a lot, and yet it seems to be a one way conversation every time. I'll text her and she replies usually within 30mins if not quicker, but the conversations are always me asking her things with her giving me short replies like "Cool thanks, you too." How the hell am I suppose to keep a conversation going with that? Strange thing is that when I see her in person the conversations are way more balanced. She's even told me that she doesn't want to come off as needy, so I've told her that I love to hearing from her so she doesn't have to worry but still to no avail. Now I seem to feel needy and clingy since I keep texting her first, and now I'm sitting here all day waiting like an idiot for her to text me. What should I do to solve this?

Same girl, obviously, we've known each other for a long time but we only started hanging out maybe 2 months ago and we get along so well. I've never felt this way about a girl, its evident that we like each other since she introduced me to her parents after our first date, and she didn't want me to leave at the end of that same night. Anyways to get to the point how do I ask her to be my girlfriend without saying the words "Will you be my girlfriend?" I'm more than 1001% sure she'll say yes but how do I do it in a sweet way? Should I kiss her after or what?

I'm hoping that this will be a long term relationship, she's the first girl I'm scared to lose, the first girl I've been completely honest with so any help would really help.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you should tell her your feelings. Tell her you aren't interested in any other girls and you would like to start a real relationship with her if she would like the same.. ? See what she says and afterward kiss her if you feel that it's the right thing to do. Do what feels natural.

    With regards to her not texting you first.. I am the same exact way and guys I've dated have complained to me about it so many times. I realize it now and have been working on it but I honestly do always feel like I'm bothering my guy when I contact him. I just think he may be busy at work during the day and in the evenings I'm sure he is tired from working. It's not that I think I'll be clingy or needy but I just don't want to bother him. So since the girl you're talking to communicates well with you when you're together then I think you should believe her when she explains her reasons. Give it more time and I bet once she feels more comfortable with you then she will start contacting you first too. Also you could try telling her a specific time to text you. This way she will know you are waiting to hear from her. Say something like "I'll be at work till 9 so text me then" ... something like that might be a good start. This will help her get use to texting you first and maybe help influence her enough so that you won't have to remind her anymore. She will just do it.

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    • Really like the first answer, thanks. But with texting should I wait it out till tomorrow or just send a quick "Hi" tonight? She said she feels very comfortable around me so I'm not sure why... I'll definitely talk to her about how it won't bother me.

    • Like I said, text her when you feel like it. Just use common sense. Text once and wait. lol

What Girls Said 6

  • First things first...she likes you. Introducing you to her parents and her actually saying to your face she likes you? Can't get much clearer than this!

    Why she waits for you to text first? She doesn't want to seem clingy for one (meaning she doesn't want to lose you), she's not a texting person and prefers to talk in person (this is evident by you guys having more balanced conversations when together) and some girls feel it's 'right' for the guy to make the initial contact.

    You sound like you really like her. I recon you should ask her out by having a great date like going to a romantic movie or go to her favorite place and later, when walking together and at a good moment, playfully push her against the wall and kiss her passionately (my fantasy anyway) and when she looks at you speechless ask her to be your girlfriend.

    If this is to much or you think she won't like this (or it's just not your thing), then maybe you should write her a poem or something saying why you like her and at the end, have it asking if she will go out with you. I'm sure this doesn't happen everyday, and it means you really do like her if you took the time to do this!

    Good lucky :)

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  • she won't text first because beyond the age of 14 or so, girls are taught to believe that if you text first or text too often, you're clingy, needy and insecure. (some women are... but some are just genuienly interested and want to be close to the guys they like). All it takes is one guy insulting her and telling her that she's so needy and it's gross or whatever and she'll be afraid to come across that way again in the future. Even when you tell her that you don't think she's needy, that one guy will always be in her head and she'll be worried about ruining it.

    You should ask her if she wants to be exclusive with you. Then next time you see other people she doesn't know, introduce her as your girlfriend. That way you don't have to say the word "girlfriend" in the inital conversation if it makes you feel too cheesy, but I say just do it. people who want to be exclusive but are "uncomfortable with the label of boyfriend" are the worst.

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  • It is pretty normal that she doesn't text you first. I also don't text my crush first even though we both like each other and the reason why I don't text him first is because I don't want him to think that I'm clingy because I'm definitely not and I also keep thinking that I bother him. He told me 90138 times that I can text him whenever I want because for me he will always have time and I don't bother him etc. And I still don't text him first ( only occasionally..very rare though). I just feel like if he wants to talk with me he will text me first, if not then he won't. Maybe this girl is thinking like me haha..who knows :p but if she keeps giving you short answers then tell her that you feel like you are bothering her or something because of her giving such answers.

    She isn't your girlfriend, but you already have met her parents?Wowow, big plus here :p She must really like you. Asking " will you be my girlfriend?" is something I wouldn't like to hear from my crush but...ok not every girls thinks like me. I think you should start by telling her how much you like being around around her, let her know that she is different from other girls and then say "I would really like for you to be my girlfriend" and just wait for her reply :p The chances she replies with something like "I'd like that too" are very high becuase she let you met her parents. Good Luck boy! :) And sooooorry for this long answer :/

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    • and yeah if she gives you a positive reply then of course you should kiss her ! =p

  • Be open about what you feel. I would lead into it when you two are private and not in public because obviously this requires lot of serious talk and whatnot.

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  • Maybe she won't textyou first because she likes you and is afraid of saying the wrong thing. And you could wait until you guys are hanging out, or walking and talking and just ask. Doing it infront of people doesn't only put you on the spot, it will alsoput her on the spot. She might end up saying something she doesn't actually mean. I hope this helps :)

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  • Ask her when she wants you to be her boyfriend then,if you don't want to ask ''Will you be my girlfriend?''

    I'm sure she's not that stupid.Haha.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Some girls just don't text, or like to text very much. If you really want to keep the convo going then call her and talk to her and stop this texting crap! Oh...and honestly, if you're looking for a girl to initiate you are going to sadly dissappointed in life. Very few girls will initiate anything (including texting). Be a man.

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