Online dating: is it better to be polite and reply to emails or ignore them when your not interested?

I've been single a couple of months now. I joined internet dating about 4/5 days ago (bored of being asked out by men in bars and clubs lol and only wanting sex). I get about 30 emails a day. Most I'm not interested in, a couple I think are okay and just one guy on there I've started talking to who I really really like. Is it rude and more polite to reply even if it's a "no thanks" or just ignore it? I don't want to be rude but is it a bit of a downer/lower their self confidence if I actually say I'm not interested?

One of them specifically said on his profile he thought it was rude not to reply and another sent me another email a couple of hours after his first because I didn't with sad faces on etc.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I've done internet dating, and at first I felt like you did and felt extremley bad for ignoring them. You know what though, MANY of those guys are sending out the same message to multiple girls, so you are prob one of many. How do I know this? Well after a few weeks being on the site you'll get a message from a guy who already messaged you and it will say the SAME EXACT thing it said in the previous one. At that point you don't feel so bad for not answering.

    If you feel REALLY bad you could always just leave the messages unread, and delete them. Check out their profile first, then decide if you want to open them. For all they know you are recieveing so many messages a day that you can't even keep up with your inbox, same as regular e-mail.

    Another tip, I see that you really like this one guy that your talking to. DO NO limit yourself with who you talk to on site. If you see another guy you might be interested in, talk to him, don't assume that because you like this one guy its going to work out. I learned that MANY guys kept there options open and talked to multiple girls at once, and you have to do the same until you see something that you want to pursue.

    And last tip lol, becareful of guys on the rebound! Many guys after a bad break up will join internet dating sites in hopes of filling that void. I know many guys that have joined it after a break up without having the intention of getting into a relationship or dating and even met the girls! I actaully met one "great" guy who I thought was too good to be true. Things started getting serious and all of a sudden he backs off. Little did I know him and his ex had just broken up a few weeks prior and he was still seeing her!

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    • Thanks, I really appreciate all that advise. I'll keep in mind all what you said! Actually I had a look at the saite when I was first single again a couple of months ago and saw his profile and he was the only one I liked really. Than I joined up a few days ago and he emailed me :D so at least I know he's been single as long as me. Plus after he emailed he changed his profile from talking to dating like mine. Wow, sorry, I go in to way too much detail! Sorry :S

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    • Match is a little bit more serious because you have to pay. But I actaully met the rebound guy on Match. My sister met her fiance on Match and there getting married in October, so I guess it works for some ppl! lol..Rebound guy actaully popped up a few weeks ago and has been bugging me to go out on a date with him, I think I'm going to pass on that lol...overall, I think I'll NEVER do internet again, like you said its so much nicer to meet people in person and see if there's chemistry right away!

    • I know that's true, a few guys will write the perfect message and send them out to every girl they like, and you get that message again when at first you didn't write them and they send it to you again forgetting they had already written you that message. Its better to ingnore them for the most part. Good luck dating online!

What Guys Said 10

  • Yeah I'd let them know you are pursuing another "interest" if you've talked to them any yourself. This lets them down without disappointing them. I don't feel you owe anyone anything unless you've actually started exchanging messages. It is best to let someone know what is going on rather than just discontinuing emails randomly.

    As for the whiny guys...who cares? If they are after pity don't even dignify their messages with a response. I find it interesting that guys do this to girls and the girls don't try to gain pity from the guys. Maybe it works on the girls?

    But I agree, make sure you don't limit your options. So many women do. I am always surprised that virtually every one I meet online have ONLY been contacting me. Makes me feel extra bad when I have to break communication with them.

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  • I personally only find it obnoxious when a girl message ME first, then I reply with something simple and polite, then they look at my profile a few more times and they never say anything again. Quite retarded if I may say so myself. Ultimately in the end, you don't know each other therefore you don't owe him anything, nor does he owe you anything either.

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  • its better not to reply...why hurt a guy's ego? let it go...so will he...guys like honesty as long as you don't hurt our egos...u already don't like the guy so why rub it in?..even if a guy says its rude not to reply..its just a stategy to get you to reply...dont fall for it...he should get the point...it happened to me and I just deleted the girl and moved on...its ok...i survived...dont worry relax and live your life...you are in charge of your own hapiness...not theirs...

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  • When I was online, I used to get a bunch of emails from women. Some one lines, some that just said hey what's up, others that were more interesting. I would always check out the person who wrote me and if I thought there could be a possible I would write back otherwise nope.

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  • It's OK to not reply, because you get so many emails a day. It is not reasonable to reply to 30 emails a day; that takes a lot of time. If you let that stack up for a few days, then it gets ridiculous.

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  • If you are not interested, do not reply... and yes, we ALL want sex. :-)

    Good Luck

    James

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  • Always be polite first, treat others as you would like to be treated. Give a respectful 'not interested', then most email systems will let you bloc any further emails.

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  • If your not interested, don't reply. Otherwise you might only encourage a creeper.

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  • I would just ignore the ones you aren't interested in. And 30 emails a day is crazy, what site is this?

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    • It's called plentyofffish.com or pof.com. You can use either. It's free

    • Oh, ok. I was on that site for a while a couple years ago. Anyways, good luck finding someone!

  • So have you meet anyone from the site?

    I am looking for a person to meet just for casusal socializing, but I am so new at using website to meet ppl.

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What Girls Said 13

  • Don't reply with something encouraging, even a 'Nice to meet you, but...'. A simple 'Thank you, but no.' will ensure you don't get a desperate tag-a-long who just keeps sending messages. It gives them a clear answer and it is only fair. It is awkward trying to decide what to do with online dating. Been there, know how it feels. Hope you find your guy!

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  • i guess to be not rude just simply reply that you are busywith other things and that you aren't interested. eventually the guy will get the point.

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  • link

    There is a part that says "Not responding back is okay." There are a lot of websites that tells about online etiquette and online dating etiquette. It's interesting and can be helpful to you as well.

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  • to be polite I would just shoot them a quick email saying ur not interested at this time and leave it at that, yeah thier feelings may be a little hurt, but it's better then not knowing

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  • I wouldn't reply if you not interested then again I talk to guys that I'm not interested in cause I'm bored. I only found one like yourself that I really liked. but at first (when I started the online thing) if I wasn't interested I would reply. I feel like you don't know them so you don't owe them anything.

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  • It's never fun to be rejected but if it were me I would kindly say I am not interested nicely. That doesn't make you a bad person at all and it is polite to respond instead of just ignoring it completely.

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  • I say don't reply and block them if you don't want them to contact u.

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  • You don't have to reply. It's not rude and if something like that shatters his confidence he's probably crazy anyway. Most guys send the same messages to a bunch of girls so it's not like he only had eyes for you and you broke his heart by not messaging.

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  • hahahaha I ignore pretty much everyone who I am not attracted to.

    There needs to be physical attraction before anything else. or the relationship WILL never work.

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  • I started online dating a few months ago. I got crap load of emails per day & I was not interested in all of them. I was probably not interested in 98%. At first I felt bad not to respond, but then I thought I wouldn't want people to respond to me just because they felt bad. Plus there are a lot of pushy & crazy people out there & people that send emails to everyone hoping they will have a response. Good luck & hoped I helped.

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  • Don't reply to them.. and they will get the message.

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  • Just say no

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  • Wow! Congrats on the 30 a day! I might get that in a month :) but anyways I think it is just polite to reply either way! No one likes to be strung along and lets face it some just don't get the hint!Plus I don't think you should limit yourself to just one and put all your energy there. I think the whole online dating thing allows women the opportunity to casually date and not feel like a well you know! Plus it will give you much insight to how very different men can be! If anything let them take you to dinner or buy you a drink! No harm no foul!

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