Re-entering the dating world...?

So I haven't dated in a loooong time and have some questions..

1.) Where do you go to meet people? I am more introverted and bar hopping and clubbing aren't my type of thing at all. I'm not interested in meeting someone at those places, but where is else is there to meet people? I read all the time, but I have a kindle so going to a book store is kind of pointless. I am a student and study at the library all the time but no one talks to me there, which is fine because I'm usually busy studying...

2.) Guys, if you approach a girl and find that she is friendly and attractive but a little shy and completely awkward at first are you less interested? (I imagine it depends on the particular guy, but I'm still curious ;) )

3.) This is a two part question...

3.A.) When should I bring up that I'm divorced? I don't want to bring it up too soon or anything, but I also don't want to make it seem like I am trying to hide it or anything...

3B.) How do I answer the question,"What brought you here?" I moved to this area a little over 2 years ago because my ex husband wanted to be near his family, other than that there was absolutely nothing here for me. After we divorced I decided to stay to finish college and I've actually kind of fallen in love with this city...but also, I can always go back to where I moved from, so why not stay and see how things go? Is that too much information for just meeting someone? Should I hold back the part about my ex until a little later or would that risk coming across as deceptive?

4.) Guys, would you even be interested in dating a 27 year old full time student, full time employed, divorcee? I guess I just kind of feel like I should be more accomplished than I am and that I don't have a lot to offer a guy right now. A man I was very interested in showed a lot of interest in me but I ended up backing off because I just feel like I don't have a lot to offer and I have a hard time seeing how anyone could be interested... Which makes it even harder for me to meet people...


Most Helpful Guy

  • 1) Don't blame you for shying away from bars/clubs, but some are OK, especially with friends or a group. It's safer that way. And it may sound cliche', but some stores, especially stores like Fresh Market or Whole Foods, etc. can be good. Also, coffee shops like Starbucks, or even local coffee shops that may be popular. If you have nice parks near you, on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon, you are almost guaranteed to have someone start a conversation with you, especially if you are walking a dog. Again, Sports bars and sporting events can be fun and good way to casually meet people without any pressure, especially in the safety of a group or a few friends.

    2) Shyness is not a turnoff in any way for most guys. If after an initial conversation, it's obvious that you're a little shy, it can be a good thing and he may want to make the extra effort to get to know you. Make sure you smile and make eye contact, so he won't confuse your shyness with non-interest or blowing him off. It can work in your favor once you get past those first awkward moments of being a little uncomfortable.

    3) Well, the tricky part is the second part of your question is connected to part one, and you can't be completely honest on the second part without mentioning the ex-husband. But, unless it comes up as to what brought you to this city, otherwise, you shouldn't feel compelled to mention the ex unless or until a relationship starts to feel like it could become serious. It shouldn't be a problem or deal-breaker for anyone these days in adult dating situation. Even if asked how you came to this area, you should still keep it simple and don't elaborate unless they ask a lot more questions, which would actually be kind of rude early into a relationship to ask too many details about a person's previous relationships. So, hopefully, that won't happen, but just say you came here with your ex at the time, and it didn't work out, but you liked the area and decided to stay. That should satisfy.

    4) What has happened to you to even ask such a question? Did your ex-husband or someone else really mess with your head to cause you to have so little confidence in yourself because of your situation? If you seriously feel this way, you first need to talk to friends, family, support groups, whoever, to help you put things in a clearer perspective. From what you've said, going back to school full-time, and working full time says so much about your character, while trying to make a fresh start and going the extra mile to make a better life for yourself. A very admirable quality and you should be congratulated. My female friends would say you are probably too good for most the guys you'll meet, so you need to be very selective. Life happens to most of us in different ways and it's how we deal with setbacks and keep moving forward that define us. Nobody is better than you, but for that to mean anything, you have to really believe it. Find someone to talk to. Good luck and Much success!


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What Guys Said 4

  • I am also an introvert and can defiantly say it would be pretty awkward between us for at least a week or two. You seem sensible and the fact your working so hard for a good future will definitely be attractive to most men. Just try to believe in yourself and I know it's easier said than done because I also have issues with self esteem. Just don't stress to much, I'm sure you'll find a good guy.

  • First of all, I'd definitely be interested in you. You seem like you have your head on your shoulders for sure! Its confidence and how you carry yourself, that I find attractive in a women. I actually like the shy, quiet type! As far as telling a guy that you're divorced, I'd only bring it up if he asks. If not, don't wait too long. On the first date maybe, but for sure on the second!

  • My dear friend,stay where you are and explore the possibilities.Do not despair.Hope is eternal. You can go anytime back if things do not work out. But do not lose/leave your job come what may.

  • IDK I don't want to be mean here but a girl who's divorced & 27 = a girl who gave her prime years of youth to another guy... I'd be happy to date / casual sex with a girl like that, but I'm not going to commit to her & live in the shadow of a past husband


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