I'm giving up on dating. I just can't win.

I just can't win.

I even tried online dating and I get to talking to a guy and I give him the hint that I want him to call me on the phone and they don't even have the balls to do that. And then it just fizzles out because they never ask me to meet them or go on a date. with one guy, all he wanted to do was text. I'm not good at texting. I don't check my messages very often and it's not a great way to get to know someone.

I said lets meet up, he said "i want to get to know you better." Two weeks later I just told him to forget about it.

I've tried talking to guys whom I meet at university and tell them I want to hang out. they'll act flirty but never actually want to date me or do anything with me. Either that or they'll only want to hook up and I can tell they're not that into me.

Or they're taken.

I don't think I'm ugly per say. Almost everyone has told me that I'm at least cute and I get told I'm pretty most often. Beautiful sometimes too. I have a nice fit body and I get told I have a nice butt and boobs. I don't have any weird marks or stretch marks. I also wax and I'm musically talented. I get told I'm funny.

I guess this has no impact on guys. I've had a guy tell me in the past that I was "intimidating" because I'm smart and I have my life together, but I've asked another guy about it and he negated that. So there's that.

I'm so tired of trying. I hate being alone and I hate FEELING alone but I'm exhausted.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Ummm...okay. Stretchmarks and some of the things you mentioned are completely trivial to finding a guy that is worth your time.

    I understand your frustration because I was once always super frustrated about not finding anyone decent to date who didn't want to just get laid,text all of the time,date multiple people etc. I also decided to try online dating and it was a colossal disaster for the year I tried it. Most guys were mediocre attractive,who always had some type of drama going on or other issues. Then,the guys that were super attractive were into playing games and were into running through girls so they could have as much sex as they wanted to. Somehow,they thought I couldn't see their game and behavior. I found myself becoming more and more disgruntled and jaded. My self esteem also began to take a turn for the worse. I began to think something was wrong with...ME. And you know what...there WAS.

    I believe it is extremely important to monitor the energy you are putting out into the universe. Monitor how you FEEL and what you THINK. Do you FEEL desperation? Do you feel sadness regarding dating? Do you feel that there isn't anyone around that will fulfill what you are looking for? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR IN A GUY? That is one of the MOST important questions.

    Last year around July around the spring time,I decided to think on what I wanted in a guy. I would go to bed thinking about him,and visualizing me and this imaginary guy having fun,going places,what he dressed like,acted like etc. I daydreamed about this man during the day...and before I went to sleep. Then,I began to look at the men I was going on dates with,and I realized that NONE of them deserved me. And honestly,the kind of guy I am into would NEVER be on a dating website because he is just too damn cool to be on something like that. FINALLY,by August of last year I deleted my dating profiles and prepared myself to meet the RIGHT person. I became VERY comfortable with being ALONE. I started to focus on living and enjoying myself,and I stopped thinking about dating and "finding" a guy...and I felt GREAT! One day in September before I left my house for work...i was insanely happy!At this point,I was dressing and FEELING like I already HAD a boyfriend. I got to work and went on a break. A friend and I decided to walk near the pier,and there HE was. This insanely attractive guy,who I wasn't even considering. He saw me,and as I went to leave,he decided to be a MAN and take MY number. I could barely speak because he was so attractive. BUT...i didn't take him that seriously until he showed me he was serious. I was in SHOCK because this guy treated me exactly how I imagined every night before I went to bed. He treats me like a QUEEN every day ALL day. I thank God for sending him into my life because I have never had a guy treat me with as much love and respect as he has given me.

    For a LONG time I never actually KNEW what I was actually looking for in a mate.

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    • And it wasn't until I figured THAT out,that's when I was able to meet him. So,figure out what you WANT. Visualize what you want,and try to stop feeling negative about it. Also,for the love of god,DL not listen to people here telling you that you are "expecting too much". Are you kidding me? Is it too much to ask for a guy to call you instead of texting everything? People here don't know much about taking or living in the real world. I don't know many people who want to have a relationship

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    • Well you can have an up-vote just for putting that much time into an answer. Nothing like spending awhile answering something, and you get no response and a random downvote lol.

    • @nyfan25

      Upvotes and downvotes don't get you points,so technically I don't care. But after being on this site for a while,I just notice that people generally like a good ole fashioned pity party. Because after all that's what most people do here is complain instead of truly seeking a resolution and adhering to it. The length of my answer is irrelevant to anything. I just hope its useful to someone out there.

What Guys Said 16

  • I don't really think you should give up.

    I will tell you a secret.. you can .. to a certain extent and with some men.. change them to be a marriage material or relation material ...

    You need patience and assertiveness.. and a willing to lose that attractive man if he doesn't behave.

    Look at my answer in this link

    link

    The secret is to ''randomly'' meet men in public.. then let ''them'' do the chase. When they begin to chase you they will want sex... don't give in to them... if he likes you .. he will wait ... you will know he likes you from the behaviour and not from what he says ..

    1- He spends a LOT of time with you

    2- He is willing to meet your family

    3- He is willing to meet your friends and introduce you to his

    4- He si worried about your studies, health , career ( stuff that he doesn't care about if he is in for the short term)

    5- The plans he makes with you are elaborate ..

    7- He asks your opinion on stuff in his career, studies, life choices , family problems etc

    I approached a girl in central statin yesterday.. this girl.. was very religious, she had the sweetest smile and had a heart of gold. I told her that I would wait for her till marriage if that makes her comfortable. She prayed for me ( I am a Muslim and she is a christian) . I loved it. I felt our souls clicked and just her smile would be enough for me to wait.

    Men are under pressure as much as girls are . We are waiting for a girl who would accept our vulnerabilities. If you connect with a man on a deeper level.. he will drop his guard and think about you differently... but we must put a front because we must not appear too needy, too available, too romantic etc etc ...

    Its a numbers game .. and the best is to meet men in real life and go on so many dates as you can . don't waste your time on online dating. Its depressive .. grow some ovaries and meet men in real life by approaching them. Use the link that I pasted for inspiration. Good luck

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  • I give him the hint"

    Maybe your hints are a bit too subtle for the guys you know.

    "I've tried talking to guys whom I meet at university and tell them I want to hang out. they'll act flirty but never actually want to date me or do anything with me. Either that or they'll only want to hook up"

    Usually , it starts with hooking up, NOT with a guy in tuxedo kneeling and asking you to marry him, like in the movies.. That's Hollywood stuff.

    I never asked my wife to kiss

    I never asked my wife to hook up

    I never asked my wife to date

    I never asked my wife to be my fiancee

    I never asked my wife to marry

    We just did it, both of us when the other was OK with it. No fuss, no ceremony, no 'rules'.

    We spoke and discussed many things, all the time. Communication, knowing what the other thinks, wants, feels. No hints or 'signals. Words and sentences.

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    • So basically you're saying I should give it up in hopes that he'll want a relationship. that's basically what your advice denotes.

    • Rely on communication, on knowing what the other thinks, wants, feels. No hints or 'signals'. Words and sentences.If he doesn't want a relationship now, he might want one next month. If you don't communicate more efficiently, neither of you will know.

  • Hmm. Overall, I think online dating is bad. I mean, look at the basis--takes away all the real human interaction, and it's a favorite for nerds and losers.

    Really, there's just three areas where dating can improve or get worse. Though you could have a lousy sample of men around you.

    1. Your appearance/looks. Do you have decent style? Decent fitness? Nice haircut? You said you've got a good fitness level, so you might just want to double check your style/haircut.

    2. Make sure you know how to show interest, that will help you a ton. Make eye contact, smile, flirt, etc.

    3. Venue. This, you might do well to change. Online dating sucks. Meeting at Uni is OK. You might try meeting men other places. Anywhere were men your target age are, and as it's not a place where everyone's in a rush, you can meet people.

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  • Well this goes to all of the women out there that like to drop hints and wonder why guys don't respond to them...WE DON'T NOTICE HINTS...seriously...you may as well be speaking some language we don't understand...we might notice some hints some of the time...but for the most time we wouldn't recognize one if you slapped the shit out of us with one...and if you are very attractive then you need to make sure you come off as friendly as possible...otherwise guys might think that you consider yourself out of their league, and thus won't even approach you...and you're going to have to deal with guys that just want sex right now...some people don't want to settle down right now...if you do then move on from them...there are plenty of guys that just want to find someone and settle down too...Actually once I did, and it started out as a one night stand that just never ended, over time I gradually fell for that girl, and I don't mean a little bit either...so just because he isn't looking for anything more right now, doesn't mean it might not go past that...don't count on it...but it could happen

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  • It's a long tedious fucking process. Just do whatever feels good right now. Feel exhausted? Stop for a while.

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    • "Feel exhausted? Stop for a while."

      Hahah I needed that. Kinda stuck in such a rut myself. ;) Thanks!

  • work out, eat healthy, dress cool, learn makeup tips, done, for girls is mostly about looks, everything else matters very little at first

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  • Okay I'll give up too and we can be single together.

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  • It's not "intimidation" or "having your life together." It is merely a self-serving explanation.

    If you have your life together, no clear physical and mental impairments, you are aiming for men whom are out of your league.

    You are young, and want to cash in on the highest bidder. I've no quarrels with that.

    However, if you want a solution, it is to be realistic with what you can attain.

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  • It's not you. Or guys really. It's just you haven't met someone who actually wants to spend the time to get to know you. It might take a while but when you stop looking for someone, that's when they find you! So for now, just keep on with life and keep getting it together and things will eventually fall into place. :)

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  • Keep trying, you're just having bad luck. That's the bottom line. There are many attractive men out there who probably feel similarly to you right now.

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  • Im an easy on-going guy. You can hit meh up anytime ;)

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  • You sound like the kind of girl I usually chase after. :) I hope you have better luck in the future.

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  • be glad you don't have to initiate anything since you are a girl

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    • I initiate a lot actually

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    • well let's see. While at a bar/dance club, I approached a GROUP of guys and asked one of them to dance with me. I then gave my number to said guy.

      I've asked guys to hang out. I pretty sure that's equivalent to making the first move. I text a guy in my research methods group flirty things.

    • Glad to hear that, if only more girls did that

  • Yes, I've had girls drop me hints, but I didn't like them that much to commit to them. Just because you're pretty doesn't mean everyone should commit to you. If you meet enough people you will meet someone whom you connect with. And they will want to put in the effort to make something happen with you. It's also true that guys are mostly thinking of what to say, than trying to observe your hints.

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  • I think you want way too much, way too soon.

    I've had that experience with girls in high school, that they wanted to date me and be in a relationship with me; while I wasn't at that stage in my life. Some of them were real bitchy so that left a bad impression.

    I'm now in college and I can't even stand to think about approaching another girl, or (what happened in high school) have a girl approach me. When I see a girl giving me approach signals I look the other way and pretend I don't notice; and when girls come up to me and approach me, I tend to be courteous but excuse myself real fast

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    • wow, someone's gonna be single for a while...

    • Uuuuhhhmmmm... yeah, that was the gist of my message. Hopefully I don't have to spell it out to you and your fellow downvoters again

  • The problem is your expecting too much from a guy, perhaps too soon and you give up too quick...Some guys like to be careful on who they end up with they don't want a girl who expects guys to do everything or a girl who's going to rape his emotions and run away, and if a girl says things like "I'm giving up on dating" well that tells a guy everything that a girl will easily give up on a guy no matter what happens and maybe your not showing the guys your interested

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What Girls Said 7

  • Like other answers said you might just have to be more assertive and take the initiative. So when someone doesn't ask you out, flat out ask them out. If someone wants to only text or hook up, I think that's okay to pass on that if its not what you want.

    Whatever you do, I don't think you should be giving up. You have a lot of life to live and you never know when someone will walk into your life. You might not necessarily be looking and they'll just show up.

    I don't know you at all but it might be possible that you have high expectations which you need to reevaluate. Obviously you cannot change what you want and need but you can be a little more open minded when you have the opportunity take the chance even if they aren't someone you'd normally go for.

    All anyone can do is keep trying, we're all playing the same game.

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  • Guys these days ARE much slower, far less take charge, and very lame. So it's not that you're ugly. I have friends who are very pretty, does that mean men are treating them well really?

    NO.

    Lots of guys are too scared to make moves, and I have 2 such annoying guys around me like that one.

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  • You may have to be more agressive and approach more.

    If that doesn't work you may be socially awkward and have to up your social skills.

    You can always ask your friends to hook you up.

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  • Don't feel down or depressed. Be like ME! Take things into your own hands, control your own life, make decisions that suits you the best. Guys becoming WEAK each year, their balls are dropping. For them to say "HI" to a girl is as hard as winning a million dollar lottery. I wanted my man and I got exactly what I was looking for. I liked a guy, so I made an obvious scene for him that ""I LIKE HIM"" but then he had to do men part, and he did. I played my part, I showed direct interest, he show me his, he came up and sparked conversation.

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    • how did you show it

    • In different circumstances, you have to use different techniques. It is more of Imagination than technique lol. First you have to lock your eyesight on your interest, then you have to smile and blush a bit. If guys doesn't know that we are interested, they will not engage. Our job is easy, we just have to look at them and smile. Sometimes you have to sit right next to them, but that guy has to see your eyes and your obvious move that you make. Meeting guys is a double work 40% us and 60% them.

  • you should look for a guy who's not at university, these guys that you're asking out seems to still have the high school mentality

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  • Same here. Most guys around me just wanna fuck around and not settle. They're great company, sure, but they never want anything serious. The ones who do are already taken. I gave up dating 2 years ago. When I feel like making an effort again, I'll start over, but I just don't feel like doing that right now.

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  • Its not your fault.Actually the truth is nowadays its very difficult to find someone who is sincere.This applies to both genders,not just the men.This is the reason why I am single. I am tired of the dating games. Most of the guys who are interested in me either taken or just want to get into my pants after few weeks without knowing much about me.I decided to take a rest for few years maybe.Its better to be alone instead of getting hurt.

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