How do I make the guy I like see that I am a good woman that wouldn't hurt him?

I recently met a guy who I really like. We spend a lot of time together and talk every day. I really like this guy but I don't know what I should do. I found out that he was hurt really bad by two girls. I'm guessing that he loved these two girls deeply but they end up hurting him pretty bad. I picked up on it when we first met. He would get to talking and get in the mood to share things and he would talk about events that happened but he would say it in a hypothetical way. I had a gut feeling that these events probably most likely happened to him but he didn't want to come out and say it. I think a lot of guys have a small issue admitting when they are or have been hurt. But I knew a couple of his ex's had hurt him but I didn't know how bad or the details of what they did to hurt him. Anyhow I feel like this is effecting what I want to build with him because sometimes I feel like he is hot and cold. Sometimes I feel like he is afraid because he thinks something bad will happen or that I will hurt him. I know trust is earned and that takes time to build but I feel like he is kind of afraid to just go with the flow. When I'm with him hanging out he is always affectionate and likes to be close to me and we laugh and have a wonderful time together. But when we text I notice that sometimes we will have a misunderstanding and sometimes he has doubt. This makes me really sad because I'm starting to fall for him and I'm actually a good woman and I wouldn't hurt him. I actually care for him and I want to build something with him. I don't know if this is just a phase or will he always have doubt. How do I make him see that its ok to fall in let himself fall in love again and how do I make him see that I'm not like his past, and I'm actually a good woman with standards, morals, a kind, understanding and compassionate heart, and that I would treat him right?

Updates:
Also should I pull back my feelings until I see that he's ready? I'm starting to fall for him but should I not show him that until later down the road?

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What Guys Said 1

  • Finding out you are a good woman who does not want to hurt him is something he must discover on his own. You can never really "Show" him, until he is ready to see.

    Right now you should not be concerned with him seeing you as a good woman, but rather, you should be concerned with him opening his heart up to you. So often when we get hurt, we put up walls around our sensitive hearts... If his walls remain (He might not even be aware that they are there.) then it WILL lead to much heartache for you, because he will never fully be your man. He will be cold, unpredictable, etc.

    Even after marriage. Men who keep their hearts closed to their woman in marriage, often find another woman able to open it. (I. E. cheating)

    This is a journey for him, I am afraid, there's not much you can do, except to explain to him how he has put up walls around his heart, and to be there for him. If he decides to trust you, you must be the wonderful woman that you are, and fully surrender yourself to him, so he will know, and see, and realize, that you ARE a good woman, and do not want to hurt him.

    Take your time, and do not set unreasonable goals for yourself. If he remains closed off, you are best letting him go. It will only hurt you in the end if you do not.

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    • Thank you for your advice. Everything you said really makes sense to me. I hope things work out for the best and I hope he does decides to open his heart to me.

What Girls Said 1

  • If you're a good woman who won't hurt him, he will figure this out. But don't try to "prove" it. When you're trying to sell something to somebody, and that somebody has been burned in the past, they will very easily pick up that you have an agenda and he might misread this as fake. Take your time, keep being his friend, and when the moments right say something along the lines of "I won't hurt you."

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