Redeeming a chance for a "relationship"

So I meet this guy. We have mutual friends. Initially we are both really into each other. Long, story short... I was at the time, still distraught by an old relationship of mines & at that point in my life had become very jaded with relationships in general. However, I was extremely into the new guy! I was partially afraid of allowing myself to get 2 close and partially just ready to jump in head first, which is what I did. I got super drunk on one of our first dates &ended up having to stay over because I was 2 drunk to drive. Now while we did not sleep together, stuff did happen. Things pretty much go down hill from there. Nonetheless we maintain communication. I noticed that our phone calls ceased & ended up being just text messages. Some time passes, and I keep hoping that things are going to some how magically work themselves back into the groove, but they never really do. Months pass, and although we were talking on a fairly constant basis, it was more of a flirty "friendship" kinda thing, so we never really progress. Before I know it 4months had passed and we still had not gotten anywhere, it was all pretty superficial on the surface. One day he invites me over, we hang out and he tries to sleep with me. By this point in time, I'm pretty much over the idea of us "just sleeping together". At first, that's what I wanted, and that's not what he wanted. But by this point I want things to get better. I didn't want to fall into "a piece of ass category" so I didn't give in. I at the time thought this might help me redeem myself a bit. Instead he tells me that I'm too difficult, and a few weeks later, I was getting an awfully cold shoulder from him while at a friends party. We didn't speak to each other for quite awhile after that. I've reflected upon our situation and found many things wrong with the way I handled "us". Mostly I found that I was frustrated by the fact that although I felt a world of emotions for him, I always kept them to myself, usually playing the same game that I thought he was playing. Trying to seem very nonchalant about the situation, as if I didn't care, when anyone who knows me, knows better. Its been about 8-9 months now, since we've known each other. At this point in time he is fully aware that I care for him, and we remain casual friends. We do have some sort of "chemistry" between us, and people who are keen to sense pick up on those vibes. Even through our vagueness and coy/cold behaviors towards each other. Is it possible that maybe there is something there that we are not allowing to come into play out of pridefulness? I know I'm guilty as charged. But do guys also fall short to pride? If I can sit there with a straight face, and pretend that he's the last thing on my mind, is it possible he is doing the same? Is it possible we are just feeding off of each other, in a negative way? We hung out recently and we are obviously still attracted. How do I get back into the "let's start over and actually date" light?

Updates:
oh me and my guy talked things through, we both opened up and are now officially a couple!

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 1

  • Both of you play a part so don't blame it all on yourself. Woman tend to that because were more emotional and we look at things deeper then men do. One thing that could have turned him off was the fact that you couldn't handle your liquor. No one like a drunk date, especially the first one. He might of seen you in a different aspect after that. Whatever the reasons may be, you can't go back and change it. If you like him and want to start over then tell him that! We aren't built as mind readers. Don't continue to waste your time trying to figure out what he feels and thinks and don't try to analyze his actions. Simply tell him in a respectful way how you feel. Keep it short and simple. Something like... "I like you! Always have! I'm not interested in why we never made it in the past, I'm interested on how I can make it with you now. Being friends is great, however I would like to try to be more and I wanted to know if you would give me that chance? It's really ok that you don't feel the same way, but I needed to say this before I move on from the idea of us so that I don't have any regrets."

    Don't always leave it up to the men to take the initiative. Sometimes a woman's approach turns out better. Good Luck!

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    • I did something similar 2 that. basically I emailed him & that I felt our timing was all off and that I had really acted out of character & that I was going thru allot of things. I received a very vague response& instead of us talking about it, we just danced around it. last update is we hung out, had a good time& ended up fooling around. we both act very nonchalant about this, both trying to have the upper hand. a week has passed and neither one of us has contacted each other.

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