Did I screw things up by caring too much?

I've been dating this I met online. She drinks socially, and smokes occasionally. At one point a few weeks ago we had a small argument about me possibly seeing her as a fixer-upper. Then promised her that I would take two steps back and not let myself get too involved with her problems as much as I intended, as initially I was trying to show that I care. We've been trying to keep the ball rolling for a third date, but the past couple of weeks she said she's been sick with a sore throat. Rather than assume that she was blowing me off, recently I asked her " by the way ... not to sound interventionalist again, but are you still smoking while your throat is sore? Just curious." Her response was "OMG who the fuck cares!!" To which I replied, "Okay, okay... you don't have to get all mad. I was just thinking that might've been why it's been... well, you know." I then asked her "But that and minor rhubarbs aside, how was your day?" But I didn't get a single text back from her. This was last Friday . I decided to give her some space over the weekend and Monday I decided to ask her how her recovery was going. No text back.

Did I screw things up? Should probably apologize to her let her know that I really don't care about her smoking habits? That I just want her to get better soon so we can see each other again? I really like this girl and I don't want things to and on such a petty argument.


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What Girls Said 1

  • There's no such thing as "caring too much".

    Honestly, and I know this may hurt to hear, but I believe it is GOOD this happened. A girl who is overly sensitive about her "issues" is not relationship material. If she thinks you only like her because she has need for fixing, she is no doubt struggling with these concerns within herself. PLUS, you deserve more. You deserve a girl without problems, and without drama.

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    • Hmm... a part if me doesn't want to believe it but another part of me thinks that you're right. A shame... guess this means she ain't good for the $40 bucks she owes me. :/ But more to the point, I guess when it comes down to it, I shouldn't try to be a girl's knight in shining armor. When anybody has their own set of issues, it should be their responsibility alone to fix their own problems. Even though I was accepting that, and I was just implying she needed to cut down on smoking for a bit.

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    • And in that sense, I guess I was trying to daddy her too. A few years ago I had the misfortune of dating a girl with daddy issues and there was a lot wrong with her and I was dumb enough to think I could be there for her no matter what. She lacked compassion and felt the need to hurt others as she'd been hurt herself a multitude of times. My relationship with her probably would've made a good episode of "Extreme Makeover". I worked harder than her, she felt like a "project".

    • ... She was rude, flawed, and cheated on me. I was so consumed with rescuing her that I ended up putting my own needs and life on hold. Learning from that and this, I just gotta do the manly thing, stop being a wuss, and steer clear of train wrecks like that again. :/

What Guys Said 1

  • She obviously enjoys smoking too much to listen, and you're trying to tell hwer to stop after the second date.

    If you don't like smokers don't date them. It's probably a good thing you pissed her off.

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    • I tolerate smokers. It's not that I dislike them. I say indulge at your own risk, but if it doesn't help you recover from a sore throat, that's lasted for so long, we might have a problem. That's where the constructive argument came from.

    • But she'd already argued that she didn't want to stop or for you to comment.

    • That was neither here nor there because at the time, I was talking about her drinking to curb her social anxiety.

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