I found out the girl I'm dating has a boyfriend?

We've been dating for a few weeks now. She's been great, and has definitely been a lot more forward than I'm used to (not a bad thing).

Just the other day, I showed a picture of her to my friend who apparently knew her. He said he thought she was in a long distance relationship though. He showed me her Facebook and sure enough, she had recently posted about how it sucks missing someone in a long distance relationship, then had the guy tagged. Although she didn't actually have "in a relationship" up.

I didn't bring it up yet because it's a little creepy how I found out. I did ask for her Facebook afterwards and she avoided doing so by using the excuse that things never go well when people who are dating add each other on Facebook .

We've not discussed being exclusive so I've fortunately left my options open. She's just the only one I've been getting serious about. Her talking to another guy wouldn't be that big of a deal, but her legitimately having a boyfriend is something else. We've also had sex, for what it's worth.

So what could be going on? Is she just lonely and wanting attention, or could she be waiting to see where things go before ending the LDR?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Strangely I've been in this exact situation except with the genders switched of course. Unfortunately I don't think this is going to end well for you. If her LD boyfriend comes into town, she could leave you hanging :( Most likely she's lonely and wants someone to fill the void of her boyfriend. I also made the mistake of leaving my options open too and they used that against me when I tried to confront them about it and find some sort of compromise. I'm sorry you had to go through this, I hope you find someone more worth your time in the future.


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What Girls Said 3

  • "We've not discussed being exclusive"
    "things never go well when people who are dating"

    Sounds like a very OPEN relationship to me. If you've never actually set any boundaries or rules regarding monogamy, she isn't doing anything wrong. If you two haven't had the "talk" then you aren't actually in a significant relationship.

    You have a two options here
    -Talk to her, tell her you want a MONOGAMOUS relationship between the TWO of you and you WANT the title of Gf/BF
    -Don't say anything and just ride things out.
    -Don't say anything and keep YOUR options open
    -Talk to her and establish what the boundaries and RULES are in the relationship. MEaning, just ask her WTF you two are doing. Are you in an open relationship? A poly relationship? Are you two just fuck buddies?

    Until you BOTH agree on the terms and have a verbal agreement, never ASSUME you are in a MONOGAMOUS relationship with someone.

    Good luck to you and please keep us updated!

  • Even though it's an LDR, it's still a relationship. She's cheating on him with you so why should you stay knowing that you're that other guy?

  • What the hell? This girl's an easy lay and she's in a relationship already. Goddamn...


What Guys Said 3

  • I'm confused too. There could be so many reasons. But dude, she's had sex with you but she still wants the other guy? What the fuck? That's messed up. I really think you should try to talk her about it and if all else fails then you have no choice but to let her go BUT that's if you've tried all the options you could. Keep hanging in there man!

  • LDR's always fall apart because you need someones physical presence to make a relationship work. Kids don't seem to understand this.

    I wouldn't consider her LDR a real boyfriend. She's got a pen-pal she has some feelings for. That's all. You're the one she's actually dating, in the flesh.

  • "Is she just lonely and wanting attention, or could she be waiting to see where things go before ending the LDR?"

    I'd say it doesn't matter and to ditch this girl quickly. She is going by her LDR's back by seeing you the way she is, she is hiding the obvious evidence by keeping you off her Facebook , and she obviously didn't mention this LDR in the first place.

    Staying around to figure out why or if she's trying to get out of it seems like you'd just be wasting your time on someone that doesn't need it. It's not odd for one of your friends to have recognized her and mentioned it to you, and it's the truth with how it happened. Leave her alone, tell her why if she asks, and find yourself someone else.