I have been dating my boyfriend for almost three years but things have gotten routine, now a new guy is interested in me. HELP?

so to start off, please don't make me feel any guilty than I already feel. I feel like a horrible, horrible person for even having these thoughts. so my boyfriend and I have been together for just about three years. he's my best friend and he just gets me; he makes me laugh, he's attentive, he's sweet and kind and playful, but lately things have just gotten a little boring. he got a new job in November that is really taking a lot out of him; he has no energy during the week because he gets home from work so late and during the weekends he doesn't always want to do much either. it's very rare that he wants to go out downtown drinking with friends. don't get me wrong we still go out and do stuff and have tons of fun, I just feel like it's not as much fun as we use to have. (maybe I'm being selfish or expecting too much, again please don't make me feel guilty). but more importantly, our sex life has plummeted. we have sex once a week if that. he's very cuddly and loves to snuggle with me before bed but the sex just isn't there anymore. he says its because of his job and I understand he is exhausted but he hardly puts in any effort anymore in the sex department. I constantly clean up after him, cook for him, clean for him, I feel like his mother. and I don't always get the same amount of attention in return.

so anyways, there is a guy I've been friends with for years. he is very very attractive, physically fit and has an awesome sense of humor. he is a lot like my boyfriend in many ways except this friend of mine loves to go out and explore the world and adventure and doesn't let life pass him by. I've been running into him all over town lately and he always compliments me and asks why I never gave him a chance, when im going to be single, etc etc. and part of me wants to entertain these thoughts and ideas of what could be with this kid, but the other part of me is in love with my boyfriend and feels horrible for even having those thoughts. I dont know what to do!


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What Girls Said 1

  • First of all, you have to be careful that this is not a "grass is greener" situation. Your friend seems tempting because he has freedom, but why does he have more free time than your boyfriend? Is his job less demanding? Does he ditch his responsibilities to go out and have fun? I'm not saying he does, but you may be mislead because you only know the whole story with your boyfriend, not this guy friend.
    It's understandable that you feel bored in your relationship, however if you enjoy your boyfriend for who he is and the only problems are him being tired/not having as much time, then I would put some effort into shaking things up and giving it another shot. Figure out when your boyfriend will have time and plan a fun date for the two of you or plan to meet some friends at a bar and just have a good time. If you can make a legitimate plan, he'll be able to prepare/commit himself instead of claiming he's too tired when you ask to go out an hour or so ahead of time. Also, you could shake up the sex by surprising him with a fantasy he's had or just doing something you don't do that often (I've heard guys love when they come home from work you immediately drop to the floor and give him a bj haha, don't know if this is your thing, but something like that). You don't need to be taking the role of his mother, because you're not. Step back from all the cooking and cleaning and make it something special you do because you want to, not because you have to. Let him do his own cleaning most times and he'll notice it more when you do clean for him.
    I would try some of this stuff before jumping to your guy friend. There's obviously some reason you're with your boyfriend, so try to think back to why that is.

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