What is the best thing i can do now to have her? Ignore her or fight for her?

I have been flirting constantly with this girl for 5 months. All day texting, hugging her, hugging her from the back, tickling, grabbing her hand, calling ourselves cute names, laughing all day etc. The problem was that she had a boyfriend, she broke up with him after a 5 year relationship 2 weeks ago and before i knew it she already stRted seeing a guy. As soon as i found out i told her everything i felt. She answered that she also felt something for me, but that since i didn't say or do anything that she went on to think that there was nothing in betwwen us. She told me that i shouldve said thess things before. I told hwr to go out with me once and give me a chance to show her how much i like her. She said she couldnt do it becUse it wouldn't be fair for the other guy she's seeing. We stayed as "friends" i have no problem talking to her (as a matter of fact im doing great and this has barely affected me) and we go to the same class in university and i have no prob sitting next to her and making her laugh now and then. But i dont do any of the things i did before.. i dont even text her a word. But i dont know if its the right thing. Some people say that by ignoring her i may have a chance to win her and some say i should fight for her. What should i do to get her to like me again?


Most Helpful Guy

  • It's going to be really hard, and I'm not sure I'll recommend that you continue. You're definitely not at the top of her list, you're not the one that she's willing to risk things for, are you fine with being the "back-up"?

    I think, you should try not to lie to yourself. If it makes you very uncomfortable to still do all those things you used to do, and pretend that you're just friends, then don't.

    Take myself for example. My crush told me to just "be friends until we get to know each other better". I couldn't go on just being friends, but neither could I accept treating her special and pretending we were just friends. So I settled on a compromise with myself. I'll still be friends, and do what friends normally do. But things that are 'flirty' in nature, like going out, buying her gifts, having lunch together, celebrating festive holidays, I decided to either cut it all out or do it once a month only.

    I'm not saying HOW you should win her back. I'm saying, SHOULD you win her back? I don't have an answer for HOW, because I believe winning someone is eventually possible (given enough time and effort), it's just whether the person is worth all the time and effort?


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What Girls Said 1

  • Uhm. Honestly?
    I don't know if she's worth it. She said that she cared about you, but she's still dating that other guy. If she really did, she'd either a) not tell you in the first place, or b) break up with him. I don't think that this would turn into a healthy relationship if it ever did work out.
    I guess if you're really determined to try to make things work, just talk to her. Don't treat her as friendly/flirtatiously as you have been, but... explain to her that you do really want to be with her and that you're willing to wait. Do nice things to her. Prove to her that you could be the best boyfriend she's ever had.


What Guys Said 2

  • You may never get her to like you again. She's insane for making boundaries like that and writing people off. Obviously it's out of spite. She's upset that you didn't make things serious before, and she spitefully started dating another guy because she's butthurt. She couldn't have just talked to you, and asked you if you liked her, and where things were going. Instead, she got butthurt and just said "HURUMMPH, Fuck it I'll just date this other guy because I have no control over my own life or destiny"

  • if/when she becomes single again then you ask her out.